JESUS IS AN ANGRY BASTARD

Anne Graham Lotz, a certifiable Christ-fangirl, conservative source of inspiration and prophecy, and close kinsperson of the big mac daddy of popular fundamentalist preachers Billy Graham, believes that gay marriage will bring about the end times.

That's right! Not poverty, war, famine, the sexual abuse of farmyard fowl so popular in the Deep South, or the odious cruelties inflicted upon cousins (also Deep South, as well as the Arab Gulf), but gay marriage.

Because the Christian deity does not see any of that other stuff, but has a direct line to American bedrooms, much like Elf On A Shelf.

For all we know, they may actually be the same.

The "Divine Eye" and the "Elf".

Sauron is pleased.


Let the lord in, or he'll whup ya:

"That’s why he allows the terrorists to strike or a tornado to rip through our city because, for whatever reason, we don’t seem to give him our attention until we’re desperate, and so if we don’t give him our attention, then he’s going to allow things to happen to make us more and more desperate until we do cry out."

[SOURCE: Anne Graham Lotz: Satan Behind Gay Marriage Decision, End Times Looming.]

"You cannot change God’s institution of marriage, so what they’re asking is to join an institution that by its very definition they can’t join. So if the Supreme Court changes that legally in America, they are very seriously defying God. I think there are three reasons we could pass that tipping point. One is that reason, the second is abandoning Israel and the third one is the abortion, aborting babies for convenience. Women can scream and holler about that and say they don’t do that, but the statistics show that they do, they use it for birth control. Those three reasons alone would demand that God judge America."


And that, of course, explains why so many foreign nations no longer exist. Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, France, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and Uruguay. All were devoured in a storm of flame and smoke, as the fiery pit opened up underneath them belching brimstone eternal.

Plus you may have noticed that the state of Israel accepts same-sex marriages performed overseas, which means that soon the mighty sword will strike them too.


Yessir, I surely do love my fellow Americans.
But I want to keep them at arms-length.
Many of them are repulsively nuts.


Especially the ones with Jesus in their lives.



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