A BUG UNDER THE HOOD

Sometimes one feels that friends and acquaintances take delight in poking one with a sharp stick. At which point, one realizes with a jolt that things have become routine, and much is being taken for granted.

"Surely old Barfing Tango won't be upset", friends and acquaintances may be thinking, "he should be used to sharp sticks by now. Why, he positively thrives on such things!"

In all honesty, Barfing Tango is a little sensitive to sharp sticks. Has been for years. Please trust me when I say that 'Old BarfingTango' is not enamoured of the sharp stick dialectic.

Please drop the stick.


Old Barfing Tango is actually a sensitive and friendly old coot.


Not particularly old, either. Not even close. Ignore the gout; it isn't a behavioural condition, and in no way represents Old Barfing Tango's personality OR conversational patterns.

Old Barfing Tango is not yet convinced that being a grown-up requires a serious attitude. A die-hard realist, Old Barfing Tango understands that many of his friends of the same age are, unfortunately, developing various neuroses, due to digestive issues and calluses on their minds.

This is not good; always have an open mind, and explore new concepts.

Discover new things every day, and read a lot.

Eat something different.


Did I already mention the age thing? I did? Old Barfing Tango's brain is surprisingly juvenile, barely post-teenage, and consequently springy and full of surprising twists and turns. If his friends and acquaintances were all like that, there would be far less bile among them.


FINAL NOTE

When you feel bile welling up, please start thinking of cheerful things, like breasts, panties, bittermelon with fish, little pastries, ear nibbling, sweaty whompeties, pressed Virginia flake smoked in an old Charatan, a nice cup of Hong Kong style milktea, lascivious passages in Nabokov, vampires, hot little hands, and a host of stuffed animals plotting insurrection and anarchy the moment your back is turned.

You will feel much better. Yes, the danger from the stuffed animals is still there, but they are small. You can easily enforce your authority.

There will be no revolution on this watch.




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