THE BRITISH BACON SANDWICH

One comestible which all exiles swear by, especially when properly ired by American attitudes toward British food, is HP Sauce. This is a viscous brown bottled condiment rather like a traditional chutney, in that it contains tamarind, but it is otherwise entirely different. Malt vinegar, tomato, dates, sugar, tamarind, salt, and spices. In British hospitals it is fed intravenously to the comatose.

HP Sauce goes with everything. Pan fried food, deep fried food, grilled food. You cannot make a bacon sandwich without it.


BACON SANDWICH

The British relative of the BLT lacks the L and T, but contains a bit more bacon, as well as butter and HP sauce. The bacon naturally should be English bacon, meaning that it isn't the streaky thin-cut American supermarket product, but side or back bacon, and somewhat drier than the belly bacon Americans are used to.

The bread should be from a decent loaf, cut at home, instead of the typical pre-sliced cottonwool that most Americans eat. If you live in San Francisco, you can get a good baked product; lovely dense bread with consistency and a toothsome quality. If you are out in the fly-overs, you may be entirely out of luck, in which case you have my sympathy, but I don't want you to move because SF is kind of crowded and we really don't need anymore people.
Please stay where you are. Or go to New York.
Yes, head to New York.
That's perfect.

Fry the bacon crisp, drain it on paper towels.
Cut the bread, toast it, then butter it.
Drizzle HP sauce on one slice.
Put the bacon over, then top with the other slice.
Cut the sandwich diagonally.
Have it with a cup of strong tea, with milk and sugar.

No, do not add tomato, or lettuce, or cucumbers, or sliced apple.
Healthy stuff does not belong in a bacon sandwich.

[Some people do NOT toast the bread. Heretics.]


Please note that British HP Sauce is no longer the same product that it used to be. No, moving the manufacture to Holland did not change it, government diktat did. There is less salt in it than before, in consequence of which the flavour balance went off, and the sourness is more prominent. There is no point in complaining to Heinz, which owns the brand, as they are merely obeying the regulatory agencies ("cuisine by committee"), but you can always sprinkle a little more salt on your food to compensate.



[Vegetarians and vegans can make a substitute which is perfectly suitable for them by putting tofu between two slices of wonderbread.]



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