OBAMA CAUSES RECORD-BREAKING COLD WAVE!

After a long day in Marin County babysitting cigar-aficionados, it is exceedingly good to be back in San Francisco. Civilization, there's nothing like it. Getting my sanity back right now with a steaming cup of coffee and tea mixed together, with sweetened condensed milk. It's a very Hong Kong affectation, but the double whammy of caffeine suits me. Had enough nicotine during the day to stave off boredom, although when Alice came by to pick up a pipe-lighter (Xikar Resource, life-time warranty), that was as good as a double cappuccino and an Oliva Series V Maduro combined. And a breathe of fresh air.

There are a few more women cigar smokers than pipe smokers. It was a woman who introduced me to Oliva cigars. Thank you, Robin.
Perhaps one day you'll meet Alice.
She's very nice.

Upon returning home, the first thing I do is greet my apartment mate, who is in her room surrounded by furry critters, reading comic books and lamenting that she misses her boy friend with whom she broke up nearly two months ago. For the umpteenth time.

Then I open my e-mail. Which convinces me that Marin ain't half bad. Some people there are not too disconnected from reality.

E-mail ... ... ...


A BIG PILE OF STEAMING REFUSE!

One of my former Facebook friends, whom I thought I was clear of last summer when I removed him because his posts during the fracas between Israel and Hamas suggested either that the U.S. Administration was actively aiding and abetting the overlords of the strip, OR that the only thing that needed doing to solve the Middle-East's problems once and for-all would be nuking Gaza, the West Bank, Cairo, and Tehran, recently sent me a screed that convinces me that he's voting Republican, more than anything else he's ever written.

[There have been numerous opportunities to weed out the nut sacks on Facebook over the past few years; at this point only two or three of them remain. They are mostly quiescent.]

He states that the reason why it is freezing where he is, and warm sunny weather where I am, is because the libtards running the country have been employing pagan rituals to control the weather.

It's beastly cold all over the Republican part of the United States.
Nice weather in commie pinko-ville: San Francisco et environs.

Quod Erat frikkin' Demonstrandum!

Further proof: Obama and his henches were in the Bay Area last week. You need warm weather for photo opportunities. And Obama, being a foreigner, prefers tropical heat. It's called Geo-Engineering, and I should look it up. Plus the freezing zone is overwhelmingly pro-Netanyahu!
Obama is gonna get you, sucka!

Netanyahu is g-d.


I've learned to be very circumspect with my e-mail address.


And, because it's San Francisco, I have a cattle prod and a bright red Speedo. Really. It's standard public transit garb here. The benefits of basking in that warm Obamite glow. Ain't lying.


Any way, our president is messing with divine prerogative. You know, I may have suggested, previously to this "friend", that he should mainline Valium. That was when he quoted Michelle Bachman's assertion that the White House was controlled by the Muslim Brotherhood. A claim which has been abundantly debunked on Snopes, but that site is run by the Illuminati and the Kremlin, so anything they say is a lie.

The barium and aluminum oxide pumped into the atmosphere by a secret base in Alaska is making it snow. Sarah Palin isn't crazy, her mental synapses are all messed up by the CIA's weather conspiracy.
And again, pagan rituals all over the place.
It's the Muslims, man; jihad!
Stop messing with god!


Electro-shock might work. Worst case scenario: lobotomy.


Lo·bot·o·my (lə-bŏt′ə-mē)


He's as batshit crazy as the rightwinger who told me years ago that it was only a matter of two or three months at best before Iran nuked Israel and Obama would send in the United Nations Police (Dutch, and Hong Kong Chinese) to take away our guns and put all true American patriots in concentration camps.
I told him at the time that being a Dutchman, my ability to speak Chinese was NO coincidence. He was tops on my to-do list. Then I gibbered on for a while about the Glock 19, and how it truly is one of the most versatile tools in any man's personal arsenal, why, even the marines preferred it!
He was a former Marine, didn't he know?!?

Beware of chemtrails.

Still, the frigid weather is particularly bad in Tea-Party-Stan. Where people overwhelmingly believe in crazy-ass conspiracy theories, flunk high school, always vote Republican, and distrust climate change.

Except for New York and Chicago. But those are just flukes.


If it really is too cold for you, just put on a warm snuggy burka.
Stylish, sharia-compliant, AND practical!
Win-win.


There's also that "low frequency humming".

Very worrying.

Evil.


AFTER THOUGHT

If anyone reading this ALSO believes in "weather witches", I sincerely invite them to post their comments (or deep feelings) in the appropriate receptacle below (OR, use the letterbox). Feel free to wax verbose, and if you leave your real name and address, so much the better. Let's get this conversation going! Say whatever you want about Obama, Joe Biden, Hilary Clinton, AND the Trilateral Commission.

What part of the country are you in?

How's the weather there?

Trailer parks?



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