NO CARTOON CHARACTERS OR PUPPETS WERE HARMED

The other evening we discussed the internet habits of the adult. Which, despite Wikipedia and scholarly articles galore, plus art, poetry, cogent analyses, and philosophy, is mostly cruising for filth. Delicious, beautiful, despicable filth. Nah, shan't name the several people involved in this conversation -- primarily to protect the guilty -- but suffice to say it was ad hoc, though deep and intense. One casual mention of someone's nude selfie, and within mere seconds cigars had been lit, more Scotch ordered, and attentions caught.


FILTH!


Apparently, every one (!) visits naughty bits on line.
One person knows a smutty millionaire by association.
And somewhat envies his fine collection of automobiles.

Not being into fancy cars, this doesn't apply to me. The on-line merchant of orgasmatronic entertainment is welcome to his wheels, but I have utterly no interest in gas-powered strutting.

The others present were also not intrigued by the vehicles.

But the subject of internet voyeurism, however, struck a chord.

The internet is for porn.

Everyone.


A SHY YOUNG DAMSEL

My apartment-mate, on the other hand, is probably an exception to that. She's got some interesting mental blocks, and while I know that her drives and motivations are mostly normal, I believe that the only cruising she does on the internet consists of avidly searching through page after page of period jewelry, Mexican silver, and Kermit The Frog.

She's got a variant of Asperger's syndrome ('autism spectrum disorder'), and is remarkably clean-minded in consequence. It's an inability to react to key visual stimuli in the same way as everyone else.


A balding gentleman admitted that he viewed glossy high definition ickies probably about twenty or thirty times a month.  Understatement.

The drinker of Bunnahabhain noncommittally indicated that his depravity was lesser, without providing details.

A young woman said that she did so several times a week.

I will fess up to twice a month, or less, briefly.

Which is 100% true, by the way.

I'm also Aspergery.


NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T SIT AT HOME AND LOOK AT PORN ON THE INTERNET

Actually, the main reason I don't need to visit web-based nasties is that I have a rich and skilled imagination. That probably also links up to my enjoyment of smoking pipe restoration, as the tactile sense is powerful fun. My fingers tingle at the thought of briar textures, smooth finishes and sandblasts, and even now I can virtually feel the recent roots I worked on. My mind is picturing the sharp grain on a remarkable Dunhill Patent Number straight billard, smooth, group size three, with a saddle stem.
And, as a sidetrack, I should mention that the carbon rubber that Dunhill used in that day and age was truly superior, and even after a bleach bath to loosen the oxidation, showed a fine tight composition with a velvety feel, despite the micro-pitting that the treatment had caused, as well as a depth of blackness that could only make one marvel.
Oh yes. I'm excited now, baby.

But I digress.

I'm as filthy-minded as the next guy.

Just nicely internalized about it all.

Ask me about nipples sometime.

Or offer to share them.

I'll wax. Poetic.

Jayzus.


But I just don't have an urge to search for nipples or other lady bits on the internet on a daily basis. Nor do I have a need to see county coroner-style lighting making a hash out of what may have been fine textures and glows, casting everything in the bright lights of the morgue, or indicating that the furniture may have seen better days.


THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN

The song below is from Avenue Q, a lighthearted satirical romp through existential angst and modern childrearing, with segues into serious shit like homelessness, despair, and bad religions.

TANAZAKI YUKARI SENSEI HAS A DREAM


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IofUC8itDBI.]


The visuals are all lifted from the animated series Azumanga Daioh, which is a charming detailing of the lives of half a dozen fictional schoolgirls in Japan, and utterly inappropriate for any discussion of pornography at all.
It takes a rare genius to use it thus.
That being KumaOso16.

Well, two rare geniuses.

The second example was put together by UncleShoveit, whose youtube sensitivities are unique.

ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING!


[SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8_Lh1wgp_4.]


I don't know what my apartment-mate would make of either of these video pastiches. She thoroughly enjoyed Azumanga Daioh when we watched all the episodes together, years ago. She was completely incapable of seeing the sly send-up of fetishism inherent in the material, and, as far as I know, is utterly youtube illiterate.
Well, distinctly sub-literate.

Where I visit youtube, wikipedia, several news sites, dictionaries, blogs, and facebook on a daily basis, she uses her computer for, in order: costume jewelry, communication, and almost nothing else.
Plus, quite naturally, Kermit The Frog.
Rarely stuff about monkees.
Ebay, why yes.

She does have a facebook account. I think she maybe uses it once every six or seven months, and she doesn't friend people.
Hardly even in the real world.

Like many people with Aspergers, she does not have a love life.

But I'm certain she does not make up for it with porn.

At 47 years old, she's still innocent.

Albeit quite brilliant.

Enigmatic.



I, on the other hand, am far less Aspergerly afflicted than her, and am enthusiastically internetted. News articles and Wikipedia are constants in my life, and I'm reasonably connected to social media. Whenever I have a question, an internet search provides answers, and leads me into fascinating fields I previously did not know much about.

The internet is a purely wonderful research tool.

Which is also useful for a bit of smut.

Once or twice a month.

At most.



I probably need to find someone (female) who is as passionate about reference material and fascinating data as myself, and equally taken by textures and tactile experiences.
Together we can surf.
Heaven.



IN CONCLUSION: 
Filth, nipples, single malt, carbon rubber, and schoolteachers!

Yes.



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