FRIGHTENED BY CHINESE FOOD

For the past several weeks, every time I've had a snack in Chinatown there have been white people in the vicinity who are curious but afraid. No, it hasn't lessened the experience. But it has sharpened my ability to listen in on Germans, French people, Italians, and the Fly-Overians speaking in their own goofy tongues about food.

Many of these people have evidently never been exposed to edible substances, and the concept is strange, new, and foreign to them.


Honestly; how hard is it to do some research before coming?

I'm sure that the internet exists where you live.


A google search for images of "Cantonese Food" brings up hundreds of delicious mouthwatering pictures. Yes, not ALL of that is actually 'Cantonese food' -- some of it is Shanghainese, some Szechuanese, or Mongolian hot pot -- but most of it is, and much of that can be found by adding the phrase "in San Francisco" to your search-criterium.

It is all edible. None of it will haunt your dreams. Chinese people are not into dining nightmares, unlike the English and the Lutherans. There are NO prepared foods in Chinatown that contain Lutefisk, you can nosh with ease. So why won't you?

Don't worry about the cost and the unfamiliarity of the offerings, as the price is low and your children must learn about new and different things anyhow. If all they want is MacDonalds, you really should have gone to London; there's thousands of Golden Arches there. Express confidence, ask only ONE question ("is it sweet?"), and take a risk. There's always something else there if you didn't like what you got, and it won't break the bank.

At least I hope not; you're on vacation, you budgeted for that. Even if you're operating on a shoe-string, what are you doing? Are you eating at soup kitchens?

Just experiment, for crap sakes! Real food!

It's cheaper than Kansas or France.

Better too.


FOOD IN SAN FRANCISCO

Some of the best Cantonese food can actually be found a few blocks from my home, at the intersection of Hyde and Jackson, where there are two simple homestyle restaurants run by decent people. No, nothing fancy, just pretty good food in a clean comfortable environment for an affordable price: Sun Kwong (新光) and U-Lee (有利飯店). Just hop off the cablecar that exists for your convenience, and walk on in.

Both places are neighborhood standards.


I seldom visit either restaurant, because I'm no longer much of a dinner person, but if I ever start dating again that will change. I'll measure the other person's character by her appreciation of food.
Dining compatibility is very important.


Particular favourites are streaky pork, steamed fish, crustaceans, and bitter vegetables. Along with steamed chicken, dumplings, and dishes which do not have glowing red factory sauce.
The well-developed palate does not need expensive ingredients, but prefers straightforward food classically prepared.

What that means is that I'm living in the wrong town for fancy dining.
But it's nearly perfect for Chinese food, and other Asian cuisines.
As long as they speak Cantonese, I can get what I want.


[Haggis (哈吉斯 'haa gat si', or 哈革斯 'haa gap si') is described in Chinese as 肉餡羊肚 ('yiuk haahm yeung tou'), or more logically 羊肚雜碎布丁 ('yeung tou jaap-seui bou-ding'), which is "sheep stomach mixed offal pudding". Absolutely ghastly. In which we recognize the word 'chopsuey' (雜碎 'jaap seui'), which properly refers to miscellaneous garbage, rubbishy leftovers, or entrails served in lieu of food, such as is unfortunately quite common in Scotland, the Outer Hebrides, and other parts of the British Empire. Please imagine the keen sense of sarcasm of early Cantonese restaurateurs in California, who figured out that what the gold miners really wanted was everything cheap jumbled together rather that actual food prepared with ANY sense of culinary order.
Haggis is unavailable in Chinatown, boruch Hashem.
Haggis is not what I want. Neither is chopsuey.
These are 風味獨特 'fung-mei duk-dak'. 
A "special taste".]


I can imagine at some point walking into one of my favourite restaurants in Chinatown (on Clay Street) with another person, sitting at the counter, and sharing Oyster With Roast Pork In Clay Pot, Sea Cucumber With Black Mushrooms, and a steamed fish big enough for two.
Sure, it's bright, noisy and not at all intimate, hardly what you might consider a romantic little bistro, but the dishes are excellent, the waitstaff efficient, and the kitchen has both talent and ability.
The ambiance is strictly Cantonese.
There are no tablecloths.


Somewhat more suitable for dates, however, are three other restaurants that I also like.


華記小館
A-1 RESTAURANT
779 Clay Street
San Francisco, CA 94108.
Telephone: 415-398-7918

Not the fanciest place in the world, but if you order sensibly (in other words, don't request typical suburban Chinese restaurant food), you will thoroughly enjoy your meal. Their claypot dishes are very good, and you can totally pig-out on their fried chickenwings. Clean, quiet, and comfortable, with quick and friendly service.


再興黄毛雞粉 
JOY HING B.B.Q. NOODLE HOUSE 
710 Kearney Street
San Francisco, CA 94108.
Telephone: 415-981-0531

Vietnamese chicken noodle soup (phở gà 雞粉 'gai fan') with ginger and scallion dip, several other tasty dishes of a quick nature, ice coffee with condensed milk, and the type of food that Cantonese folks like.
A clean bright place with quick service and kindly people.
Sliced pork congee, seafood pan fried noodles, plus grilled pork over cold rice stick and chopped greens dressed with tamarind and fish sauce.
Also imperial rolls, Hainan chicken, ning mung cha.


上海飯店
BUND SHANGHAI RESTAURANT
640 Jackson Street
San Francisco, CA 94133.
Telephone: 415-982-0618

I frequently have the steamed chive dumplings, however I am always alone when I eat here, and good dumplings are exactly what I crave at that time. But much of what they do is extremely good, especially such things as lions head meatballs, fried nian gao, vegetarian roast goose, fish fillet in vinegar sauce, red cooked pork with bean curd skin knots, imperial concubine chicken wings (can't remember what they call them in English here), sliced pork with bamboo shoots, and braised carp tail.
The atmosphere is calm and civilized, the service courteous and considerate.



My favourite lunch and tea-time snack places are NOT suitable for dates, there is nothing romantic about them, and they would likely frighten very fastidious people like Midwesterners and Europeans.
Locals go there for good cheap eaties, very standard dimsum items, and things like little egg tarts (蛋撻) or red bean pastries (豆沙餠).
Almost all of them have standard Chinatown coffee.

If you like that kind of place, you are special.
I wouldn't take you there otherwise.


And if you'd like a flaky charsiu turnover and a cup of hot milk tea, you are priceless.

But you should already know that.



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