Question: How many pregnant office ladies can you stuff into an elevator around lunchtime?
Answer: Apparently, more than clowns in a Volkswagen.
That observation, more or less, is why I am now accused of bigotry against clowns. It’s not just about small cars, zany antics, and laughter, dude!
Sometimes I’m just so freaking dense.
They’re crying inside.
Often I wonder about some of my acquaintances. The person who accused me of cruelty anent tightly packed clowns doesn’t read my blog, or else he would know that I’m actually a deeply sensitive person. Nor would he have urged me, very sincerely, to place a classified ad to alleviate what he terms my “emotional incompleteness”, and the "karmic desolation" that he is convinced surrounds me.
In his mind, I am drenched in bad vibes.
Also cynicism, but mostly vibes.
Plus I should smile more.
And smoke less.
I will most certainly NOT place a classified ad.
It’s far too impersonal. And the only people who answer those things are four hundred pound cannibals and stalkers.
Plus psychologically damaged clowns.
Gotta avoid the clowns. Grease-painted psychopaths!
Later that evening I composed an imaginary personal advertisement.
Quote:
Fairly decent man seeks perspicacious and mature young lady who likes noodles and doesn’t mind trim little beards or the smell of tobacco.
Must have a stuffed bunny rabbit or equivalent small creature, one with a distinct personality, and intellectual pursuits. Possibly wearing spectacles. Does your bunny rabbit read Charles Dickens or Proust? Does he or she feel unique at times?
And does your bunny occasionally channel for Elvis?
Sudoku? Cryptoquip? Bad puns?
I have a monkey!
End quote.
As you can see, the very idea of putting that out there for someone else to read is just asking for trouble. And yet it perfectly reflects everything I truly believe is important about relationships.
Noodles, an active mind, and a keen sense of snark.
Small creatures are known for bad puns.
As everyone realizes.
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MAY GET DIZZY, DON'T GET PREGNANT
After picking up my refills I mentally calculated how often I've been to that pharmacy. More times than my years of age. Which is not su...
7 comments:
Please define "mature young lady".
Seems contradictory.
mature young lady
Confident, vibrant, and possessed of sense and sensibility.
Young Lady, you must understand, is a concept.
Amazing. Not a nibble. My faith in humanity is getting shot
Dude, if you put more Hello Kitty stuff here, women are sure to read it.
Hello Kitty is a love magnet.
You do know that Hello Kitty is a brain-eating zombie, right?
Pipe tobacco for Hello Kitty: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-tobacco-that-hello-kitty-would-smoke.html.
And for everything I've ever written about Hello Kitty, see this http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/search/label/Hello%20Kitty.
And note that ms. Kitty does not live here. She's actually holed-up with an Arab Sheikh at Claridge's in London. He's keeping her supplied with sardines. The pervert.
Gotta use that.
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