SMART MONKEY!

One of the things old-time San Franciscans have always suspected is that people who aren't speaking English are talking about us behind our back.
Usually, this paranoia is directed at the Chinese.

This idea puts the white person at the centre of the universe. Consequently even when confronted with the facts, most people will refuse to adjust their thinking - "whaddya mean they aren't talking about us?!? Of course they're talking about us! We're IMPORTANT, dammit!!"

Sorry, no. You aren't.
Unless you intend to buy something.

I can say this because I speak Cantonese, and in consequence get to listen in.


WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Being able to speak Cantonese is not an unalloyed blessing. It has positives, but it also has negatives.

Very often I will be in a store that I have never patronized before. There will be an old lady sitting by the cash-register, and a few teenage grandchildren restocking the shelves or dealing with customers. I find what I need to buy, and go up to pay.
A few sentences after I have first spoken in Cantonese, the old lady will, with sudden surprise, realize that we're NOT speaking English - we haven't been talking in English at all!
She is very pleased at this point.

And she yells across the crowded store at her grandchildren:


Wa, ni-go kwailo ho lek-ge, sik Tong-wa!
嘩, 呢個鬼佬好叻嘅, 識唐話!
["Oy, this kwailo very smart, speaks Cantonese!"]


Because, after all, her grandkids should feel thoroughly ashamed that some stinky ghost-devil is making them look stupid - they only want to speak English to her! Bad grandkids, so worthless! Nice kwailo, so civilized!

Then she'll turn to me, and in a friendly tone affirm:


Ney kam tsong-ming ah!
你咁聰明呀!
["You so smart!"]

White people speaking Cantonese, no matter how badly, deserve praise. Especially if her stupid grandkids are watching and listening.
They should learn from this, and talk to their grandmother more often in a civilized language. Why aren't they embarrassed? Where are their manners?!?

I know where mine are. Being younger than the old lady, I will modestly discount my own abilities, appropriately using somewhat formal phrasing:


Tsan mm-hai ge, ngoh mm gam tong.
真唔係嘅, 我不敢當.
["Truly not thus, I dare not presume!"]


It's always sad when this happens. I would really like to keep patronizing a store where I can find everything I need. But those grandkids are going to remember me and recognize my face the next time.

A pity, because that girl over near the bottled condiments was very sweet. But no. Better find a store without a grandma.



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