WHARTON GRADUATE

Our deeply despised president, Donald "orange-blowtoad" Trump, is inordinately proud that with his advanced senility, not to say downright gibbering idiocy (he's a discredit to Wharton graduates everywhere), he is still able to identify a giraffe. There were probably several other animals, all unremarkable, in the cognitive tests since then, but he remembers the giraffe.

See, it didn't look like a lump. It probably looked exactly like something one of his doofus sons shot in Africa. Of course he recognized it. It looked like something he sat on.


I am hugely upset about this. My doctor has given me the three word test twice. First time, 2025: Banana Sunrise Chair. Second time, 2026: Village Kitchen Child.
No pictures, no animals. Nothing fuzzy.
I feel cheated.


No, I don't need a hug.


Maybe all the former presidents he talks smack about whenever he mentions the damned giraffe need a hug (I think they do), and they quite possibly feel cheated too.
I mean, a giraffe. Is that only for dummies?


A giraffe!

It's just inconsiderate to bring up the giraffe all the time, which he only got because he's so "special", and it makes up for his having bigly-wiggly failed charm school.
Maybe he should have had someone take the test for him.

When he was still a smarmy pre-adolescent delinquent he probably lost his favourite stuffed animal. Might have gotten thrown out because by that time it was filthy and stank badly, and his minders didn't know how to use the washer and dryer. Or where those were.

Let us grieve for Spotswood ("Spotty") the giraffe.
Undeservedly in landfill somewhere.
So sad. So sad.



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