IT'S THE EVIL DUTCHMAN'S FAULT

Yesterday morning I had to argue with the turkey vulture, Sydney Fylbert, about useless old geezers. He desperately wishes to go to work with me so that he can "thin out the herd, and feast upon delicious fatty inner thigh". Which, he proposes, can be done in Marin. He'll just lure them out back, and I'll clop them over the head and carve off collops. Whenever I point out that doing so would cause deaths -- they would bleed out -- he pooh poohs my concerns. I should just cauterize the area, surely they will heal, and perhaps be ready to yield another juicy harvest in a month or two. Stupid Dutchman!

While the idea has a certain appeal, I feel it is impractical.
And I have no intention of going to jail for him.
He's plenty well fed already.

He is sad. No one understands. It's been so long, so long!
Won't I feed a poor starving turkey vulture?
Bad heartless kaaskop!

How cruel!

THE FEEDING OF THE TURKEY VULTURE

In China, he is convinced, they would treat his race differently. There is a grand hall there in the imperial capital dedicated to nourishing his kind, where officiants restore harmony to the universe by offering delicious morsels to the noble birds. Every day!

The Chinese, he avers, invented cauterizing! It's just my inferior qualities as an idiot damned 'Ollander that prevent me from doing likewise. The Chinese are a noble ancient civilization that understands how to maintain a proper work-life balance.

Sometimes I think he may be on to something. There was vituperation and calumny in the backroom yesterday, as the senile old fossils argued over Taylor Swift and George Soros stealing their Superbowl away from them last Sunday. Dastards! Black ops! It's all an immigrant plot! Deep state and Bilderburgers!

One of these days I might just have to bring Sydney Fylbert with me.

Peace, quiet, sanity. Harmony in the universe.

PRECIOUS RESEARCH

Sometimes when I come back in I find him doing research on the computer, like so many fine minds nowadays. Antivaxxers, red staters, percenters, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and carrion eaters like himself. How to home-butcher for fun and profit, the proper grilling of fresh meat, how flat the world is, and dealing with senescent old farts. See, the gubmint trying to keep the truth from people. But the facts are out there, all you need to do is follow the rabbit.

Stupid liberals. Hah!



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