AVOCADO TOAST

Seventy thousand people are presently somewhat trapped out at Burning Man because of the weather. Rain turned the ground into a muddy wasteland. I would argue that they need to take full advantage of this rare occurence, and organize the world's biggest mass mud wrestling event. I'm celebrating it with something I call the Burning Man Mud Bath: Vanilla icecream (to match the spiritual 'wholesomeness' of most attendees) on a bed of broken chocolate biscotti. Delicious!

To put it sarcastically: My piles bleed for 'em.

I do not know where that expression comes from. It may be an English-ism. The internet is of no help here, it simply spews a wealth of unpleasant medical information about symptoms, treatment, causes, and prevention. As well as the recommendation to see a doctor if I itch down there. Which, not having English dining habits or the American taste for junkfood or inertia, is not necessary.

[Serious advice for English people: eat better. And for Americans: Eat better and excercise more. Get off your ass occasionally! And to the continentals: Stop gloating, dammit.]

Now step away from the fried crap, all you pudgy wudgies!

You need something with fibre!
Bulk, peristalsis, and a scrubbety effect.
Deep colonic cleansing!


If they did start mud wrestling it might hide their tattoos and cause their piercings to become infected. Aside from making any fungal affliction really grody. But at least it's vegan!

Good for the skin.
Avocado toast rubbed all over is also vegan.
And good for the skin!
Ask a doctor.

Really, I'm all heart.
I feel for the seventy thousand.
Honest.



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