YOU UNNATURAL BEASTS

Sometimes curiosity and the internet are a powerful force for evil. Having "done my own research", and investigated matters myself, I can now state, authoritatively, that there is such a thing as "black raspberry" pipe tobacco.
And frankly, I am horrified.

Why?


"Oh I love the smell of a pipe, it reminds me of grampaw!"


For the love of all that is holy, why?

"Lane Limited - Black Raspberry. The fragrance of Black Raspberry embraces a well rounded blend of flavorful Virginias, mellow burley and black cavendish tobaccos."

"This situation is a bloodsoaked nightmarish hellscape, you know what to do."

By the way, your grandfather smelled like a sadist and a pervert. I'm sure he enjoyed ripping the fairy wings off of little kittens and leaving their shivering ague-wracked bodies to slowly, agonizingly, bleed to death in the crime-jungles of Perth Amboy.
How long has it been since they locked him up?
Are you proud to carry his genes?
Please don't breed.

Kurt has retired, but I can just imagine what would happen if I walked into his business smoking this. He'd savage me with a broken bottle, is what.
And so would I.

Good pipe tobacco does not need to be dolled-up with fruity crap and sweeteners. Good coffee does not need syrups. Good tea needs no fruits, and good booze should not be a sweet liqueur. An adherence to pure flavours is recommended; vanilla, raspberry, and cherries are abominations that belong in armpit deodorant for teenagers.


That said, I am somewhat keen to try it.

TOBACCO INDEX


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