FAINTLY SMELLY TIMES

Had to explain to a very dear cigar smoking gentleman yesterday that the single greatest advance in civilization and leap in progress for society was cleanliness. Followed closely by heating. And warm beverages.

It surprised me that he did not realize how far we've come because of these.


Cleanliness = potable water, sterile equipment (less contamination), safe food, and you don't stink.


In the Middle Ages you could drink the ditch water, which would eventually make you sick or kill you (it's natural), or you could start, continue, and end the day with ale or wine. You'd live a little longer, but the drawback was you'd be English by lunchtime, and blitheringly Roman by dinner.
Blotto and out by nightfall.

Sterile equipment means you made good beer and didn't die of lockjaw or gangrene. Both of those are major improvements, don't you agree?
Oh and your mom didn't expire in childbirth.

Shan't detail the last two contributions of cleanliness, because you should be getting the point by now, and there are many more than just those four.


And surely heating and warm beverages speak for themselves.


One of the side-benefits is that more than ever before, we can choose our personal odours. Mine is a discrete whiff of good pipe tobacco, with an undertone of cigarillos, and just subtle hints of brimstone and soap.
Other folks, understandably, prefer Aramis or Versace Eros.
Bad decisions will be made.


I have decided that today I will focus ONLY on the positive.

I am not dying of food poisoning, malnutrition, liver damage, tetanus, or festering wounds. The apartment is warm, I've got nice pajamas, and the plumbing works so there is no fermenting sewage cesspool in a nearby midden or dirt road. Remarkably few of my fellow humans are wearing clothing so caked up with crud that they crackle when they walk, plus they don't leave a trace of foul greasy slime on bus seats or door handles.

And though I am out of cookies, I know where to get more.

Did I already mention the personal smell issue?

Matured Virginia leaf primarily.

And small cigars.



Please note: without caffeinated beverages none of this would be possible.
And I assure you that I appreciate all the benefits of coffee and tea.
The enlightenment, industrialization, and the computer age.
Less murder at dawn's first crack than ever before.
Existenzangst has always been with us.
But you are saner now.
Caffeine.


And just remember: I smell good.
It's important that you realize that.



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