At exactly one thirty four P.M., on Thursday the twenty fifth of July, underneath a post from slightly over five years ago, spam flew against a plate of glass.
Alas.
An anonymous commenter wrote:
"Regards for helping out, wonderful information. I really like your writing style, fantastic info , regards for posting : D. Some really wonderful blog posts on this website , regards for contribution. Well a little about me, I am a fly fisherman and have been invloved in local city govenrment during my hobby time during the day. One of my greatest goals is in the construction of trading markets and stylus pen and applications that are on the inner circle of state of the art technologies. I am sort of a rocket scientist in this regard. I have recently started a website,and am a Top Houston Web Designer The very next time I read a blog, Hopefully it won't fail me just as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, nonetheless I genuinely thought you would have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something that you can fix if you were not too busy seeking attention. Spot on with this write-up, I actually think this web site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the advice!"
Naturally I recognized it as crap, and deep-sixed it immediately. Note that the underlined parts in the text above now contain no links.
It's a marvelous example of self-contradictory gibberish.
But in some ways I agree with him.
Yes, I'm seeking attention; that is the nature of a blog.
And yes, I likewise think that this site needs a great deal more of it; that is the nature of a blogger.
On the other hand, if the paragraph above represents top web designers and rocket scientists in Houston, they had best re-join Mexico.
Spelling errors.
Mistakes of punctuation.
Random caps.
Spacing problems.
Non-linearity.
Stylistic spaghetti.
Second thought: Mexico will not want them.
Mexico has standards.
ADDENDUM
I left a comment of my own underneath that ancient post, four years after publish date. In a way it's poetry, and it certainly applies to every other post on this blog.
Dear anonymous spam-bots,
Please stop trying to post your garbage here. None of my readers are interested in the crap you sell, and I have an awful lot of patience.
Every comment that you try to leave will be deleted.
Sincerely,
---ATBOTH
Subsequent to that, this:
Okay, you Russian and Polish spambots, apparently you do not understand the concept: this blogger gets to approve ALL comments.
It's simple. If you are validly reacting to something I wrote, your comment (minus real-world names and addresses) will be let through.
If you are merely opportunistically trying to use my blog to advertise your own crappy services and miserable products, I will not allow your comment.
The only exception is this: [--link deleted--] which is reserved for Japanese smut link spam.
Why? Because for some absurd reason which I cannot fathom, whole hordes of Japanese pornographers and naughty people decided that [--link deleted--] was a post that strongly suggested naked breasts, assorted pudenda, latex toys, artificial vaginae, and penile shaped implements of non-organic origin.
Plus chocolate cake. I invite you to investigate ALL the links there to find the cake. It is very nice cake.
If you are NOT busking cake, I may have no interest in what you have to say.
Got it?
The Russians and the Poles got it. Now we're waiting for paint to dry in Houston.
Cake. I must have more cake.
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2 comments:
I've been curious for a while, who actually makes those spambots? I can't imagine anyone is actually fooled by them, so why do they exist? It must be a significant waste of someone's time to run these bots to post gibberish everywhere, and I can't imagine they actually bring in any more customers, do they?
The main function of spambots is to get the same website listed as often as possible on the internet, associated with as many search criteria as possible, so that it will show up earlier in searches.
Which is why ALL search criteria eventually lead to food, real estate scams, pornography, and Louis Vuitton.
The other reason for spambotting is to infect the computers of those who click the links with malware. By far the lesser purpose, but the most problematic.
I suspect that most spambots simply search for key terms so that the association between that and the merchandise can be made stronger.
Consequently, food equals sex, motorbike equals Florida real estate equals sex, attractive hat equals hotels in Warsaw equals kitten pictures equals cut-rate tax attorneys equals sex...
And so on.
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