THE SENIOR-ROOMIE'S UNBEARABLE MOODINESS

My ex-girlfriend's Teddy Bear (aka 'the senior roomie') is trying to rope me into a plot to whack Savage Kitten's current beau. Push him off the end of a pier, or hack him to pieces with a chainsaw.

I must admit, the concept has a certain fey appeal.

There are just two minor problems with the scheme.

The first one is that I would have to do all the heavy lifting - a ten inch tall Teddy Bear just isn't very able in that regard.
The second one is that Savage Kitten and I are no longer a couple. Even if 'Wheelie Boy' were to magically disappear (cease to exist, go on to meet his maker, push up the daisies, join the bleeding choir invisible), that wouldn't change.
That relationship is over. So what, precisely, is in it for me?
The only person who would be happy is ten inches tall - a Teddy Bear with issues, who really needs to get over her feelings of abandonment.


Wheelie Boy's demise - desirable to small ursines though it might be - will not change matters.
I sympathize with the bear, really I do. That is why I have welcomed her over to my side - her young lady is hardly ever in the apartment nowadays, and small bears are apt to get mighty lonely. Distressed, even. She needs company, and a sympathetic ear. It is a pleasure to give her sanctuary, and help her deal with her small ursine anger over recent developments.
But I cope with things differently.
An adult has to approach issues in a mature fashion.
Unlike the Teddy Bear, I am a sober realist, and am moving on.

Meaning that I'm gloomily hiding out at bars and the office, interrupted by snack-visits to Chinatown eateries, long walks with a pipe, and a stinking attitude - oh wait, that's the pipe also.
Not precisely anywhere near young ladies, most of the time. Well, other than the bars, that is. But women who go to bars hardly appeal to me.
Pleasant enough to chat with, not really people you would want to know better.
In any case, not likely to sympathize with a Teddy Bear lurking in my bed.
Nor, for that matter, would she (the aforementioned TB) approve of them.
At times she has a mouth on her, and she's likely to curse them in Cantonese.
Very blunt and expressive Cantonese.
She's rather stubborn.


The senior roomie really would like to eliminate 'Wheelie Boy'. A charming and delightful conceit.
I wouldn't mind dumping him off the end of the pier myself, but that isn't the kind of thing that would be attractive to a prospective sweet young thing.
Homicide is not a love potion.
Come to think of it, most women don't approve of murder.
It's an inexplicable fact - they will look askance.
I don't need any more askance looking.

So the Teddy Bear will just have to do it on her own, and not rely on me.
I sure ain't gonna whack the shmoe.
The past cannot be redeemed.
This Toad is moving on.

Now, if only I can convince some sweet young thing that I'm completely sane, stable, and in all ways both deliciously risky and utterly safe, things will be perfect.


Perhaps I should offer her some bubble gum vodka?


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================