MORONS! IDIOTS! POLTROONS!

In the past I have mentioned that I deal with teenage girls, and some adults who are not ready for primetime. This in the context of contacting customers and requesting that they hurry up and pay our past-due invoices.

[My portfolio of accounts include a fair number of small to medium sized retail stores. Hence the teenage girls. I did not choose the girls; they were hired by the retailers in question because they were friendly and non-threatening, unlike 'Spike', who also applied for the job - he's nineteen, twixt Goth and Deathmetal, and has multiple piercings and tattoos.]


Some of my customers, however, are bigger than that. And in consequence have employed people of even more marginal functionality.

Apparently invoices in the mid five figure range can only be processed by badly trained monkeys. Or morons, idiots, and poltroons.


AN E-MAIL CONVERSATION


11/24/2008
Hello Buffy,
I note that invoices 123456 and 124678 are coming due on the 29th and the 30th respectively. Please advise regarding payment.
Thanks.
---BOTH

There was no response.


12/10/2008
Hello Buffy,
Invoices 123456 and 124678 are now past-due.
Please advise regarding payment asap.
Thanks.
---BOTH

Again, no response.


12/11/2008
Why is this on credit hold?
---Moshe

Answer:
12/11/2008
Moshe,
Because they are past-due on two invoices.
Inv. 123456 due 11/29/08
Inv. 124678 due 11/30/08
Queries were sent to Buffy twice: the first time on November 24th, when I asked him to inform me about payment; the second time yesterday, when I reiterated that query and indicated urgency.
I courtesy-copied you, Throckmorton, and Brandee Wineslops on the second query.
---BOTH


To which Moshe replied:
12/11/2008
Spoke with Buffy. He said he has payment posted and we should see checks by next week.
---Moshe


Fast forward to today. Their last order was released based on expectation of payment for the two invoices which are now seriously past-due. And note that mail from Clogbucket City to civilization, even at this time of year, only takes five business days.

12/19/2008
Hello Buffy,
We have not received payment yet for the above captioned invoices (your purchase order nos. A98765 and B97643 respectively).
We were informed that payment was posted and that we should expect the cheques to arrive this week.
Please advise regarding cheque numbers and mailing date.
Thank you.
---BOTH


His response:

12/19/2008
Hi BOTH: I can’t give you any information on PO’s as my part of the system goes by invoice number. We are writing checks again on Tues.
---Buffy


Please note that the invoice numbers were in the subject line of all inquiries sent to Buffy. They were visible, and identified as invoice numbers, in Buffy's response.

[The PO explanation looks like a fob-off, and mention of Tuesday's cheque run suggests that the cheques have not been written yet, contrary to communication on 12/11/2008.
But the brevity of his response hints that Buffy and reading-comprehension may have parted ways shortly after graduation from Clogbucket City High.]


My most recent e-mail:
12/19/2008
Buffy,
To reiterate: I am inquiring about invoice 123456 and invoice 124678.
On the eleventh of December I was informed that payment had been posted, and to expect the cheques to arrive this week. We have not received the cheques yet.
Can you give me cheque numbers and mailing dates please?
Thanks.
---BOTH



With all due respect to my fellow humans, many of whom are deficient in several ways and some of whom are utter defectives, and in consideration of the fact that a large number of the above captioned have against any and all logical expectation managed to find gainful employment, if I had my druthers I would prefer to only communicate with the aforementioned teenage girls regarding past-due invoices.
They are sincere. They are helpful. They are capable of understanding that questions need actual answers. And they are capable of stating "please hold a sec, I dropped my pencil', or asking how I spell my name.


Note also that this post is for Tzipporah, who excused herself from posting more on her own blog by writing:
"I have nothing to blog. My life is dull and empty, in between the moments of extreme chaos. Although some days there is chocolate. (cut) ... it's all complaints, and the people about whom I would complain know about my blog. So, I just stifle it and swear under my breath. "


See Tzipporah, I just posted one long screaming kvetsh-kretsh about emptiness and chaos.
It can be done. And it feels very good indeed to do so.
As commenter Spiros said: "You don't see lack of anything to write about stopping BOTH from posting, do you? I mean, he writes about people taking away his red swingline stapler, for heaven's sake! "


I want my red swingline stapler back, I want more chocolate, and I want forty days of torrential rain to hit Buffy in Clogbucket City.
I hope Buffy's backyard washes away in the flood and takes his begonias with it.

But basically, I just want to vent.