Fellow San Franciscan blogger Snooky Wong proposes nine elementary rules of conduct on her blog, which, in my opinion, admirably state how one is supposed to behave in public.
You may wish to print them out and furtively reread them while on the bus or train, or at other times when you are unsure of the etiquette expected of you by your fellow-travelers.
In which case, it pays to laminate.
NINE RULES:
No. 1: I am not a cat.
No. 2: I do NOT want to rub myself all over with butter, and far less let anyone else do it.
No. 3: Redundancy is not witty.
No. 4: Redundancy is not witty.
No. 5: Exclamation points are a way of life - live with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. 6: Monty Python is cool. Monty Python fans, maybe not. The jury is still out.
No. 7: With or without bagels, dating is seriously out of the question. I don't have time for that. There's just too much homework, and people could see us, and it would be too embarrassing, and boys have sweaty sticky hands. And ick. Seriously. Ick.
No. 8: I now know about ghee, but I'm never going to use it. Go read number two.
No. 9: Please keep all your greasy hands to yourself. I'm very very happy you're here, but no touching! Please see number two again. Ick.
You may peruse her blog here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/
The post from whence these rules were lifted is here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/12/hot-buttered-weirdos.html
Please act appropriately.
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Other blogs suitable for December reading:
Discernible Chaos
http://eclecticinfidel.blogspot.com/
Fog-loving Zionist, among other things.
It's not a dump truck, it's a series of Jews
http://seriesofjews.blogspot.com/
Two gentlemen of either leisure or high-school - you get to figure out which.
Jeremy Rosen
http://www.jeremyrosen.com/blog/index.html
A thoughtful rabbi. Perceptive, and insightful.
Midianite Manna
http://midianitemanna.blogspot.com/
Academe, a Baby, a Feline, and a Kohen. Go kvetch at her to be more blogsome.
On The Contrary: Judaism with Comments Enabled
http://adderabbi.blogspot.com/
Another thoughtful rabbi. You deserve it.
Suzy's adverts
http://suzysadverts.blogspot.com/
All about bad dates and living the Jewish life with a sexually insane roommate.
Treppenwitz
http://bogieworks.blogs.com/treppenwitz/
Blinding flashes of intellect, just a little too late.
And, as always, browse through the blogroll - it is there for your convenience (actually, it is there for MY convenience). There have been several additions over the past few months. Some are food related, many are not.
You will also note that in the manga section, Hello Kitty Hell is listed. It is not a manga blog, but I did not know where else to put it. It is copiously illustrated. You will laugh. You will cry. You will vomit.
Enjoy.
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THE TURKEYS
If you do your research assiduously, you can discover lots of evidence that American families are completely dysfunctional and consist of tr...
24 comments:
meh. I have nothing to blog. My life is dull and empty, in between teh moments of extreme chaos. Although some days there is chocolate.
Then write about chocolate. You don't see lack of anything to write about stopping BOTH from posting, do you? I mean, he writes about people taking away his red swingline stapler, for heaven's sake!
What's THIS, little man?!?! Are you now pimping a teenage Snooky?
There's profoundly shocked I am, indeed, and titilated.
What, precisely and approximately, is your interest in the girl?
---Grant Patel
You, sir, are evil.
---Grant Patel
And it is illegal to introduce teenage Cantonese girls to the pleasures of piep-tobacco, fine briars, and nicotinianinc indulgences.
Though distinctly to be recommended, as refinedly perverse.
---Grant Patel
Let me be more clear. I have plenty to blog about, but it's all complaints, and the people about whom I would complain know about my blog. So, I just stifle it and swear under my breath.
Tzipporah,
A) Escape into chocolate.
B) Complaints, if eloquent and riotously over-the-top, are great material.
C) Type while either high on caffeine or blitzed on vodka. Or both.
D) All of the above. A chocolate buzz combined with caffeine AND vodka yields some marvelous material.
Go ahead. Riff. Expand. Wax lyrical.
Grant, your word-usage is wildly inappopriate. Cease and desist.
Further, your interest in that blogger is both suspicious and verges on stalkerish. Take a cold shower.
Thank you soooooo!!!! much for mentioning me!
I am so thrilled, and happy that someone actually reads what I write. Even though I didn't think anyone would. I've only been blogging for a month.
Anyway, thank you again.
And Tzipporah, I read your blog too. It's very nice.
And don't worry about Grant and his craziness. If I ever meet him, I'll just kick him in the goolies. He's wrong.
Grant, I have a cleaver for you.
:-)
To paraphrase Raoul Duke, speaking of Doctor Gonzo: Grant Patel is a very crude man.
Yo, gecko-boy!
I am NOT crude, just refeenedly aggressive! Far be it from me to mention panites, bras, corsets, cruxes, crotches, the enchanting small of the back, and attractive curvature or silky skin. No. Those things are not part of my covabulary, by any means.
Instead, I dwell upon the attractions of penguinos, wombattes, and beavers.
I am composed, and gravid.
No panties ever.
Unlike Lev.
Who is where, by the way? What ever has happened to the prince of prurience?
---Grant Patel
And who, prithee, is this Raoul Duke of whom you speak? Some southern wombathead?
---Grant the Prints Please.
Photos! We need photos! OF penguinoes, wmbattoolies, pantiwantied beavers and otters. Pantsweasels, and vindaloo!
---Grant Perempted
I iterate: Grant Patel is a very crude man.
Geckoes are not amphibious.
Wierdos.
"wierdos"?
ortho amphibi --
Silly me. I was referring to my own inner demons. Neveryoumindkthnxbai.
Apparently Cantonese American teenagers have a thing for Hennesy.
See here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/12/victory-is-mine.html
The culmination of a quest detailed here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/12/wheres-key.html
Which was prompted here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/12/batteries-not-included.html
But a distaste for fiery spirits becomes fortuitously apparent here:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/12/underwear-and-bleary-eyes.html
I am thrilled by the concept of petite Cantones American girls brightly redfaced from the merest sip of liquor.
Oh yes.
Buckets.
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