YOU WILL NOW PLEASE TO REJOICE THAT ANDREAS IS DIED

AND KINDLY BONAFIDE!

Or something.

I may have mentioned in the past that my e-mail normally gets lottery scams, viagra ads, and Nigerian bank fraud messages.
My box is fairly tumescent with scams, frauds, and especially viagra.
[And how often can I actually tumesce in decent company?]

Somebody out there thinks I'm simple.


But, 'praise the load', others wish only to inform me of the miraculous deaths of several people. Uncles, fathers, husbands, cousins, etcetera.
So sad. So very sad.

And three of those are keenly desirous that I know of the demise of Andreas Schranner.

Specifically, these kind-hearted informants are misters Saidu Dima (saidu_dima36@hotmail.fr), Deco Saidu (deco_saidu001@hotmail.fr), and Maxwell Adama (maxwell_adama004@hotmail.com), all of whom are employed by the Bank of Africa in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso ("land of erect men", formerly Upper Volta). All three have written me the most touching letters, bidding me courage in these hard times as bonafide next of kin, and requesting that I assert my rights with alacrity.
They wish me well.

I reproduce their heartfelt scrivenings below. You will please be so kind as to rejoice in the diplomatic variety and inventiveness of these gentlemen, especially the way in which they endeavor to cheer me despite the sad news of Andreas Schranner snuffing it, with glad tidings of profits to be had and monies to be made.
They are all filled with generous heart and throbbing gallantry.

============================

FIRST LETTER:


FROM: Mr,SAIDU DIMA.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO.

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Dear,

I write to introduce this urgent/important business opportunity to you irrespective of the fact that we have not seen or known each other before believing that it will be of immense benefit to both of us.

Let me formally introduce myself. I am mr,saidu dima the assistant manager of the BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO , I got your contact through network online in my earnest search,for a reliable individual who can assist me to make this transaction a reality with my believe in Allah that you will never let me down.

There is an outstanding sum of US$20.3million (Twenty million,three hundred thousand United States Dollars) that belong to one of our late foreign customer Mr. Andrea Schannier who died with his family in a plane crash that took place in 31st July 2000, Wast Africa a Miner in the Kruger Gold Company, a geologist by profession.

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THE WEBSITE BELOW.
htt://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm.

The banking laws and guidelines here stipulates that if Such fund remains unclaimed for some years, and no body apply to the bank as his or her next of kin to the deceased the fund will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund.

Although personally, I kept this information secret within myself to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution. Meanwhile, all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased has been made, and all information will be provided to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me.

I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with account and foreign beneficiary, I need your full co-operation to make this work out fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to a foreigner who has the correct information of this account which I will provide to you. Should this interest you? kindly furnish me with your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication.

Meanwhile, I am prepared to make sure that the bank transfer the sum of US$20.3Million to your account with my position now in the office, I can transfer the money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. I will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place. And will also use my position and influence to effect legal approvals and onward transfer of the money to your account with appropriate clearance.

I have resolved to compensate you by briefing a brokerage commission of 40% net per-transfer expenses you may incur, 5% set aside for general expenses, and 55% US$ will be for me and I guarantee you that all expenses during the transfer are subject to refund. Most importantly, I must emphasize that this business requires the utmost confidentiality and trustworthiness. We need to make an agreement that will bind us together and the same will protect individual interest in the near future.

In recognition to your personal executive power and investment opportunities that is bond in your country, do know that I have it in mind to establish a genuine business relationship with you in the nearest future, if you will be able to help me in order to expedite action, let me receive your approval or reply through the above addrress or Please accept my compliments, as I await your kind response through the above e-mail address. as soon as you receive
this mail you

(call me on my private phone number +226 7635 9786)

THANKS.
BEST REGARD
MR,SAIDU DIMA.
saidu_dima36@hotmail.fr

============================

SECOND LETTER:


FROM: Mr,DECO SAIDU.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO.


STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Dear,

I write to introduce this urgent/important business opportunity to you irrespective of the fact that we have not seen or known each other before believing that it will be of immense benefit to both of us.

Let me formally introduce myself. I am Mr,deco saidu the assistant manager of the BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO , I got your contact through network online in my earnest search,for a reliable individual who can assist me to make this transaction a reality with my believe in Allah that you will never let me down.

There is an outstanding sum of US$20.3million(Twenty million,three hundred thousand United States Dollars) that belong to one of our late foreign customer Mr. Andrea Schannier who died with his family in a plane crash that took place in 31st July 2000, Wast Africa a Miner in the Kruger Gold Company, a geologist by profession.

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THE WEBSITE BELOW.
htt://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm.

The banking laws and guidelines here stipulates that if Such fund remains unclaimed for some years, and no body apply to the bank as his or her next of kin to the deceased the fund will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund.

Although personally, I kept this information secret within myself to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution. Meanwhile, all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased has been made, and all information will be provided to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me.

I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with account and foreign beneficiary, I need your full co-operation to make this work out fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to a foreigner who has the correct information of this account which I will provide to you. Should this interest you? kindly furnish me with your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication.

Meanwhile, I am prepared to make sure that the bank transfer the sum of US$20.3Million to your account with my position now in the office, I can transfer the money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. I will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place. And will also use my position and influence to effect legal approvals and onward transfer of the money to your account with appropriate clearance.

I have resolved to compensate you by briefing a brokerage commission of 40%net per-transfer expenses you may incur,5% set aside for general expenses, and 55% US$ will be for me and I guarantee you that all expenses during the transfer are subject to refund. Most importantly, I must emphasize that this business requires the utmost confidentiality and trustworthiness. We need to make an agreement that will bind us together and the same will protect individual interest in the near future.

In recognition to your personal executive power and investment opportunities that is bond in your country,do know that I have it in mind to establish a genuine business relationship with you in the nearest future, if you will be able to help me in order to expedite action, let me receive your approval or reply through the above addrress or Please accept my compliments, as I await your kind response through the above e-mail address.

THANKS.
BEST REGARD
MR,DECO SAIDU.
deco_saidu001@hotmail.fr

============================

THIRD LETTER:


FROM THE DESK OF MR.MAXWELL ADAMA
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.


Dear Friend,

I am the manager of Auditing and Accounting department of BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$20.5m dollars (TWENTY MILION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Munich, Germany) who died along with his entire family in Jully 2000 in a plane crash. For more information about the crash you can visit this site:( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm)

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after seven years, the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit your
country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased with a text of application form that i will send to you when i hear from you,so i will like you to send to me your private telephone and fax number for easy and
effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application . I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.
MR.MAXWELL ADAMA

Yours Faithfully,
MANAGER AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT
BANK OF AFRICA.
maxwell_adama004@hotmail.com

======================

Note: I received all three of these e-mails on the same day. I applaud the Bank of Africa in Waggadoogoo on the thorough briskness and efficiency of her staff.
Bravo, bravo. I am utterly in awe.