RAIN MELTS BRAINS

Apparently rain turns people's brains to mush around here. This is not something I would have predicted, but it is nevertheless an observable phenomenon. This is California, and precipitation does something to people's heads.

Crossing the street with my treif-sandwich was like dashing through a mine-field. Or wandering through a flock of soon-to-be Butterballs™.
Gobble gobble gobble.


To the DHL driver who nearly smashed into me WHILE I WAS ON THE SIDEWALK: You are a moron! The trottoir is NOT the fourth lane of a busy three-lane street, and that pass was consequently neither sane nor legal. I hope you are the only victim in a spectacular traffic accident.

To the business-suited dingus who banged into me while I was waiting for a break in traffic before crossing: You are a moron! Ten meters to my left, and at least fifteen meters to my right, were entirely devoid of obstruction. Considering that you ambled down to the corner after you had dashed across, you did not need to walk through me - you could've gone down to the crosswalk instead. Please choke on your arrogant stupidity.

To the delivery truck trying to park in a no-parking zone in front of the building: You are a moron! There is no place to unload there. There are five no-parking signs within easy-reading distance, the loading dock is fifty meters back, and that city bus one block away needs the lane. Please lock your keys in the cab, and forget where you parked.

To the business office trot with a cell-phone and high-heels ambulating in a dithery way in front of a busy entry-way: You too are a moron! I could tell you where to stuff that device, but it would necessitate talking to you. Which would not get you out of the way of people trying to go in or out any faster. Please wander into traffic.

All of you and several others are bad for everyone else's digestion. You have jinxed my lunch.
I hold you in undying contempt.



Now, dear readers, please note that all of these people were capable of elementary functioning this morning while it was still dry out. They may not have been super-smart at that time, but at least they got their clothes on.
Then it started to precipitate, and like many people who haven't seen rain in several months, they gazed upwards at the sky wondering about the strange moist crap falling upon them. It went into their open mouths, and attacked their brains. Their central nervous systems are on now auto-pilot. They have become slack-jawed automatons.

I tell you, I can't wait for global warming. It will get rid of all these pre-lunch zombies.