I note, in passing, that several of my readers have left comments evincing an unhealthy interest in wombats (Vombatus ursinus, Lasiorhinos latifrons, -krefftii, et spp.). This blog, for the past week, has seemed an outpost of Wombats-R-Us.
THE WOMBAT
The wombat, for those who are not familiar with the beast, is a quadruped that lives in forested montane areas of Australia and Tasmania. It has rodent-like front teeth and powerful claws for digging up roots. It is crepuscular and nocturnal.
A wombat digests its food slowly. It has a posterior covered with cartilage. It does not have a meaningful tail.
Wombats are dangerous, and have been known to attack humans.
All of this courtesy of Wikipedia. For more on wombats:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wombat
There is a blog called Wombat Bacon here:http://wombatbacon.blogspot.com/
WOMBAT CUISINE
Wombats are unpleasant animals. A search for "wombat curry" yielded no recipes. Apparently the darned thing is nearly inedible. But when braised they can be "quite good" in a white wine sauce. To avoid the brute drying out, lard him with bacon when roasting. A haunch of wombat will probably benefit from prolonged simmering in soy sauce, rice wine, garlic, ginger, and star-anise.
Any form of cooked wombat is probably excellent with Australian lager. But not with anything else. Neither is the Australian lager.
Wombats are not kosher.
FINAL NOTE ABOUT WOMBATS
A gentleman in a suburb of Sydney created a nativity scene entirely out of stuffed wombats on his front lawn. His neighbors complained and the council order it removed. This serves as a warning against home taxidermy - Jesus, Mary, and Josef were rotten and attracted vermin. Which says something either about Christianity or about Australia in the middle of the warm season. I do not care to know what.
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Or it could say something about the quality of antipodean taxidermy.
I frankly find the idea of a Wombat Nativity scene to be equal parts charming and repugnant; I am glad at least that somebody did it.
CUIDADO LOS UOMBATS!!!
Bugger the wombats.
Of course there are no wombat curry recipes. Only the English would think of that, and everyone knows there are no Englishmen in Australia.
The Indians who are there eat spaghetti on toast, like the natives.
And drink Chateau Chunder.
---Grant Patel
And anonymous person, buggering wombats is what the idea of a wombat fetish is all about.
We thank you for your encouragement. We knew we were on the right track. I speak for all of us, most expecially Spirios and Lev. Who are passionate about wombats.
I myself never mention them.
---Grant Patel
This whole blog is beoming increasingly Wombattish, you know?
-Madame Montgolfier, from "The Golden Age of Wombatting"
As I believe I mentioned earlier, I really can't think of any way to fetishize what appear to be grossly oversized, antipodean woodchucks, or should I say not-so-nice marmots.
That being said, I will say that like Joseph Montgolfier, the less clean of the Montgolfier Brothers, I will shout "Hey, Balloons!" when there are none about.
CUIDADO LOS UOMBATS!
Oddly, Mr. Patel, I would have expected you above all persons to be able to provide a recipe for wombat curry.
But if you say so, wombat spaghetti will do too.
Lev
Or Spiros, wombat avgolemono. We'll let the blogger hisself develope a recept for wombat hutchepots ala Ollandais.
I imagine cabbage.
Lev
Crunchy frog?!?!
Anthrax Ripple.
By the way, I categorically refute the rumor that has started that I ties wombats to my ankles; it is, however true that I will shout:
QUIDADO LOS UOMBATS!!!
when there are none about.
It is probably illegal to cry 'beware of wombats' in a crowded theatre.
Especially when there are no wombats.
Most urban wombat departments do not appreciate people creating a panic, or the wombat trucks rushing to the scene needlessly.
You have been warned.
Lev, there can be no such thing as wombat curry - the wombat is the holy cow of Australia.
Wombat spaghetti: cook a wombat. Add a tomato. Place on top of a mound of spaghetti. Serve between two loaves of bread. Yummers, mate.
---Grant Patel.
Do not burn your wombat. The wombat marshall will chastise you.
But you may devil it. Chop a cooked wombat into little fatty pieces. Add a teaspoon of British curry powder, and a few mashed red chilies. Fry till dark brown. Use rendered wombat fat - womb-fat.
Have a pint of bitters alongside. It really brings out the unique character of the wombat.
Then call a priest.
---Grant Patel
Gombat hutshpot ala Ollandaiz: Cook your wombat with beets and cabbage - two of each. Serve with Heiniken beer, and a dollop of mayonaise. Feeds a small family of fifteen.
Then call a priest.
---Grant Patel
A chorus of nuns more like it, mate. With high kicking of skirts and little girlish voices.
I'm touched.
Aw bollocks! And wombat!
Crunchy Frog?!?
If you want high kicking (and decidedly amphibious) nuns:
"So all you moslems and you jews
We got big news for all of youse
You better change your point of views today...
Because the Inquisition's here, and it's here...to...stay!"
I bet it's good to be the kinky, eh, Spiros-bhai?
Some more rat tart?
---Grant Patel
Can there every really be a last word on Wombats?
Oh Yangtse, river full of...
CUIDADO LOS UOMBATS!
Oh Ynagtse river, river full of fish (wombats).
We love the Yangtse, Yangtse Kiang, flowing to the ocean, down from Sinkiang;
Flowing through Chungking, Wuhan, Wukou,
Three thousand miles - but it gets there some how!
Kick, kick, kick. And twirl!
---Grant Patel
Wombat brains.
CERVELLES DE UOMBATTE
Select grayish pink, plump, pleasant-smelling brains that are blemish and blood-clot free.
Soak brains in salted, cold water for a couple of hours, changing the water often.
Delicately remove the fine membrane covering the brains. Blanch for 15 to 18 minutes in salted water to which you’ve added 15 ml of vinegar or lemon juice. Let cool in cold water; then dry on paper towels. Brains can be stewed, poached, sautéed or fried.
Brains are often cooked in a court-bouillon for seven or eight minutes (for Wombat - other brains may require longer cooking, probably around ten for goat, fifteen for beef, twenty for hippopotamouse).
They can be cut and sautéed for 3 to 4 minutes, or fried for 2 to 3 minutes.
Poached brains
Completely cover the well-cleaned brains with acidulated water. Slowly bring to a boil over medium heat for 10 to 15 minutes. Skim the surface of the water. Turn down the heat and add aromatic vegetables, carrots, onions, leeks and a bouquet garni.
Half-cover and simmer for about seven or eight minutes.
Fried brains
Slice the well-cleaned brains and deep-fry for 2 to 3 minutes.
Braised brains
Add well-cleaned brains to salted water and vinegar (2.5ml of salt / litre of water plus 15ml of vinegar). Add a bouquet garni. Cook over medium heat for seven or eight minutes.
Remove from heat and let cool in the cooking liquid.
NUTRITIONAL VALUE:
Brains are rich in vitamin B12 and phosphorus. They are the highest in cholesterol content and poorest in protein of all giblets.
I am not Kinky Friedman, nor was meant to be.
Levitas, levitatum, omnia levitas, dicit Ecclesientes.
Leviathan
Say, does anyone remember the post about Sindhi Fried Brains? Sounds scrumptious!
Normally I avoid papad-chor cuisine like the plague (hard not to - ain't hardly any Sindhis in Sillicon Valley, they're too stupid for computers), but in that one case, absolutely spot on.
Kick back, set some chai on the burner, and relax. Chai is good.
---Grant Patel
And yes, that horrid pun was fully intended.
---Grant Patel
Life without chai is impossible.
Dammit, doesn't ANYBODY get the horrid pun? Gentlemen, you're Jew-quotient is deficient. Up-Jewwify yourselves. For my sake!
---Grant Patel
En dit is natuurlijk baarlijke onzin in het Nederlands: "Wombats zijn onaangenaam dieren. Een zoekopdracht naar "wombat curry" leverde geen recepten. Blijkbaar is de ene moer is bijna oneetbaar. Maar als gestoofde ze kunnen worden "heel goed" in een witte wijn saus. Om de brute uitdrogen, reuzel hem met spek tijdens het braden te voorkomen. Een heup van wombat zal waarschijnlijk profiteren van de langdurige sudderen in sojasaus, rijstwijn, knoflook, gember, en ster-anijs. ".
Ik kan daar kop noch kont uit trekken.
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