Rabbosai, it has come to my attention that wives are dropping their husbands off in front of kollel each morning on their way to work.
Ah shandah!
Not only do they waste time when they could be working, they distract the other kollel guys.
[Guys, try not to hang out in front shooting craps, and ladies, how about those mini-skirts?]
Takka, driving is untzniusdik and dangerous, because of the temptations of the Goyishe velt.
A frumme Yid should never live beyond walking distance - chos ve chollileh you should patronize retailers from outside the community, or krieg a taiva for products advertised on billboards alongside the road with hot shikses wearing less clothes and a gitte spankung megn sie bakumen.
Rabbosai, anything those shameless hussies advertise is issur - they certainly do look tasty on those signs, don't they? All dense and juicy with meaty goodness. That ruddy look. Those patties. Sizzling, and dripping juices. Buns.
And the zesty condiments, pickles, and cheeses.
Treif, all of it.
To guide your food decisions, the administration of this blog is pleased to publicize a list by Yeshiva Chipass Emess West Coast (in beautiful downtown San Francisco, close to great shopping, world-class restaurants, and the theatre district) of unreliable kashrus certifications, as published by the Rosheshiva of YCE-WC, the Rabam shlita soll sein stark und gazunt.
The following should be avoided at all cost - anything bearing these hechsherim is treifus gamur:
Association for Reliable Kashrus; Atlanta Kashrus Commission; Beis Din of Crown Heights Vaad Hakashrus; Blue Ribbon Kosher; Budweiser; California K Igud Hakashrus of Los Angeles; Chabad Lubavitch Arizona; Chabad of South Nevada; Chicago Rabbinical Council; Cohen's Baco-Bits (the true taste of chazzer at the price of kosher); Congregation Arugas Habosem; Congregation Kesser Israel; Congregation Yetev Lev D’Satmar; Coordinated Kosher Supervision; Council of Orthodox Rabbis of Greater Detroit (K-COR); Debraciner Rav; Diamond K; Double U Kashrus Badatz Mehadrin USA; Fishnet Stockings; Florida K and Florida Kashrus Services; Hisachdus Harabanim; Hisbodidus Fershizzle; International Kosher Supervision; Jersey Shore Orthodox Rabbinate; K’hal Adas Jeshurun; K’hal Adas Vishnitz; K’hal Chizuk Hadas of Flatbush; Kashrus Council of Lakewood N.J.; Kehilla Kosher; Kehillas Yaakov Pupa, Monsey; Knesses Israel Torah Center; Kof-K Kosher Supervision; Kosher Certification Service; Kosher Shmosher as long as he loves a steak; Kosher Supervision of America (KSA); Kosher Supervisors of Wisconsin; National Kashrus (NK); Lemon Curry? Microsoft Windows™; My drecky cousin Shloime; New Square Beis Din of Kashrus; Orthodox Vaad of Philadelphia; Rabbinical Council of California (RCC); Rabbinical Council of Orange County & Long Beach (Orange K); Scroll K; South Palm Beach Vaad (ORB); SPAM™; Star-K Kosher Certification; The Kosher Food Council of Northern California; The Lehigh Valley Kashrus Commission (LVKC); The Nirbater Rav; The Organized Kashrus Laboratories (O/K); The OK Corral; The Tzerdrayter Rov; The Udvarer Rav; The Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations (OU); The Volover Rav; Tofu; United Mehadrin Kosher; Vaad Hakashrus of Buffalo; Vaad Hakashrus of Denver; Vaad Hakashrus of K’hal Machzikei Hadas of Belz; Vaad Hakashrus of Kiryas Yoel; Vaad Hakashrus of Mechon L’Hoyroa; Vaad Hakashrus of Northern California; Vaad Hakashrus of Raritan Valley; Vaad Hakashrus of Rochester (VKR); Vaad Hakashrus of the Capital District; Vaad Harabanim of Flatbush; Vaad Harabanim of Greater Seattle; Vaad Harabanim of Greater Washington; Vaad Harabanim of San Diego; Vaad Harabanim of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway; Vaad of Lancaster; Vaad Harabanim of Yehupitz; Young Israel of Plainview; Young Israel of West Hempstead, Young Israel Period.
Unfortunately, Yeshiva Chipass Emess West Coast has not yet succeeded in forcing the food-industry to adopt our rigid standards for kashrus and subsidize my sabbatical in Hawaii for the next few years, so until foods with our kosher certification are available, consider moving to Boro Park, or, if you’re really desperate, eat Osem meals-on-the-go. You’re a goy kadoish, fercrapssake!
-----The RABAM
PS. Sorry about the Yeshiva dining hall being closed down indefinitely. The Health Department are a bunch of stinking anti-Semites, no matter what you heard. Those were pets.
-----------------------------
For more verter from the Rabam, go here:
http://www.geocities.com/npoj8/Rabbi_Schmeckelstein_Parshas_Hashavua_With_RABAM_Commentary.html
The Rabam received shmicha from Harav Pinky Schmeckelstein, soll sein shtark und gazunt biss a hundert zwanzig, who is the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chipass Emess. The certificate is framed and hangs above his desk, I have seen it myself. The Rabam is a descendant of both the Proliczer Rov and the Baal Ha Turetz.
Please also visit the yeshiva at: http://www.geocities.com/npoj8/index.html
And Harav Pinky Schmeckelstein's blog at: http://rabbi-pinky.blogspot.com/
Pursuant thereto, we are pleased as topsy to recommend Harav Pinky Schmeckelstein's riezige sefer, The Collected Writings of Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein on the Weekly Torah Reading.
Which you may purchase here: http://stores.lulu.com/rapas
Buy several copies. Even buy one for your horrible mechutenista and her troll mishpoche. Give them to your friends for Chanukkeh, or Peysach, or Valentine's day. Or whenever you give presents. Kretchmatch? Vierte Juli? Yom ha Armistice?
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5 comments:
oh dear,
what about us secular kollel wives? Should we make our husbands bicycle to grad school classes? And is that un-tzanuah, if I make him wear a mini-skirt?
Does he feel untznius when wearing a mini-skirt? If not, no harm is doen, provided he uses double-stick tape on his thighs to keep the skirt from flapping upwards in a wind, OR wears industrial strength Soviet style red underwear.
No one looks untzenuah wearing Soviet underwear.
Or so I've heard. You will understand that in YCE-WC we do not normally see underwear, though we often think about it.
I couldn't find an email adress so I forward here an email that I just sent to DovBear and Ed
Gentlemen:
This post
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/04/important-message-about-kollel-wives.html
brought to my attention by LadyBird in the David post, leads me to believe that BOTH and Pinky Shmekelstein are one and the same. I don't know if it qulifies as a smoking gun but it should arouse suspicion.
If I'm right, and it is a goy writing the Pinky Shmekelstein posts, do you still think that they are so funny? Or do you suspect BOTH as having a subliminal anti-semitic streak? If so, while there is nothing to keep him from reading various blogs in the J-Blogosphere, IMO he should no longer be allowed to comment on any self-respecting Jewish blog. It's kind of like the N word. It's OK for afro-Americans to hurl it at each other but woe to the caucasian that does!
Lest you suspect me of a stab in the back I plan on emailing this to him if he lists an address on his blog.
Chaim G.
Say it aint so BOTH
Tayere Chaim,
The e-mail address is listed in my profile under occupation: northbeachlizard "at" yahoo "dot" com
I don't know what I can do to convince you that I am not Rabbi Pinky, though I am indeed highly flattered that you should thinks so, and he will be amused when I tell him.
The infamous and dearly beloved Mis-Naged of the bloggolam, as well as the XGH and a number of others can confirm that there are in fact two separate characters. Three if you count the Rabam, that being the writer of this posting.
Please note: for the past several years I hardly bother to read anything sent to the Northbeach Lizard e-mail address, as the google address gives me all the contact I neeed.
But you could contact me on Facebook.
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