TURKISH QUATRAINS BY A GERMAN POET: EIN SCHMÄH GEDICHT VON JAN BÖHMERMAN
To treat it like a passage in Scripture, as it were.
Which naturally you would expect me to do.
Ein gedicht von Jan Böhmermann
Sackdoof, feige und verklemmt,
Ist Erdogan der präsident.
Sein gelöt stinkt schlimm nach döner,
selbst ein schweinepfurz riecht schöner.
Er ist der mann der mädchen schlägt,
Und dabei gummimasken trägt.
Am liebsten mag er ziegen ficken,
Und minderheiten unterdrücken,
Kurden treten, Christen hauen,
Und dabei kinderpornos schauen.
Und selbst abends heißt statt schlafen,
Fellatio mit hundert schafen.
Ja, Erdogan ist voll und ganz,
Ein präsident mit kleinem schwanz.
Jeden Türken hört man flöten,
Die dumme sau hat schrumpelklöten,
Von Ankara bis Istanbul,
Weiß jeder, dieser mann ist schwul,
Pervers, verlaust und zoophil
Recep Fritzl Priklopil.
Sein kopf so leer, wie seine eier,
Der star auf jeder gangbang-feier.
Bis der schwanz beim pinkeln brennt,
Das ist Recep Erdogan, der Türkische präsident.
A poem by Jan Böhmermann
Shitgoofus (1), chicken, and constipated (2),
Is Erdogan, the president.
His poo stinks like badly grilled meats (3),
Even a pig's fart smells better.
This is a man who whips girls,
While wearing a rubber mask (4).
He (also) likes to violate goats (5),
And suppress minorities.
Abuse the Kurds and bash the Christians,
While watching child pornography.
At night, before going to sleep
(He) fellates at least a hundred sheep (6).
Yes, Erdogan is totally,
A president with a small penis (7).
All Turks concur,
This stupid pig has shriveled testicles (8).
From Ankara to Istanbul (9),
Everyone knows this man is queer as blazes (10),
Kinky, lice-ridden, and given to bestiality,
Recep "Fritzl Priklopil" (11).
His head is as empty as his balls (12),
He plays a leading role in every gangbang (13)
Till his penis burns when pissing (14)
That's Recep Erdogan, the Turkish president.
The first thing that must be said is that while it both rhyms and bites, this is not great versifying. Also, it reads far better in German than it ever possibly could in English.
1. Sackdoof is hard to translate, and I have made barely a stab at it here. Contextually it means that he is an imbecile.
2. Very much like the Yiddish 'farklempt', this implies constricted, plugged up, tense and irrate, or, conversely, unable to speak or emote. Possibly also psychologically damaged and a psychopath, as clearly described in the rest of the poem.
3. The word döner refers to a type of grilled meat sold by Turkish and Mediterranean restaurants in Germany, which is supposed to be fresh lamb, but far more often than not is spoiled pork, as has been well established. Döner kebab is justifiably a famous delicacy.
Adept spicing disguises the nature of the product.
Porcine flatulence is extremely noxious.
4. Rubber masks are a recognized literary symbol of the gimp. What is suggested here is that rather than the girls being victimized by the pervert Erdogan, it is Erdogan who does as they command.
5. Presumably this would be female goats, but as the reference in a subsequent verse makes quite clear that male sheep are involved in his activities, there is a frisson in the gender contradiction, and questions may be posed.
6. See previous mention of "ziegen ficken". Which way does the poet imply that Erdogan swings?
7. Schwanz is never meant in a positive sense, unless boasting about one's endowment. Which is ruled out by the assertion that it is a kleinem schwanz. That is to say, kleiner even than most Turkish schwanzel.
8. Schrumpelklöten; the term schrumpel implies a result, rather than an inherent condition. Which, in light of the many sexual activities that are mentioned, as well as the suggestions of unclean disease, means that the testicles may have once been of normal size (for a Turk), but are so no longer; they have 'schrumpled'.
10. Schwul: not so much homosexual as perverse, degenerate, effete, effeminate, and quite odious.
11. Fritzl Priklopil: this refers to two notorious cases of brutal sexual enslavement. Fritzl kept his daughter captive in a dungeon and fathered several children by her, Priklopil was an Austrian communications technician (computer geek) who imprisoned and raped a woman for eight years. Erdoğan has two sons (Ahmet Burak and Necmettin Bilal), and two daughters (Esra and Sümeyye). Which is probably not, strictly speaking relevant here.
12. Literally: eggs.
13. A word and concept borrowed from American English.
14. Pinkeln: micturating in the manner of little boys and dogs.
Pee pee, tinkling. Probably due to syphilis.
Hence mention of 'burning'.
The entire poem presents a riotously kaleidoscopic picture of all the colourful perversions that Turks were reputed to pursue during the Ottoman era, updated for the modern age. Whereas in the past they were famous for violating lithe Serbian boys and kidnapped Christian women, now there are opportunities with Syrian refugees and resident minorities that were previously unimagined.
It must also be remembered that in many European countries, Turkish residents have been implicated in prostitution rackets and sex slavery, and while most of them are industrious and surprisingly clean people, some European Turks are sitting out long jail terms.
With good reason.
[NACHWORT / SONSÖZ]
Inflammatory and libellous texts have a long and honourable history in European politics, and Erdogan should be flattered that he is deemed worthy of such treatment. More than anything else, it demonstrates that the Europeans finally take him and his country seriously.
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