MATZE BALL SOUP IS THE LAW!

Today's post was inspired by a good woman in Oregon.


Matze ball soup is the LAW.

Like grits in the South. You cannot disagree or deny this, and there is no escape. Whether you asked for it or not, grits appear.
Matze ball soup was handed down at Sinai. Surely you remember that scene where Charlton Heston came down from the mountain with the recipe? Two whole pages! Writ in fire!

You were wondering why his hair turned white. Now you know. Matze ball soup.


Gefilte fish should also be the law, but there might be revolt in the streets if that were so.
To quote 'The Firestarter': "you actually EAT that stuff?!?" (1st seder last year, AND 1st seder year before); as well as 'Woman Bullied by Bad Bunny Rabbits': "you don't HAVE to eat it if you don't want to..." (yesterday evening).

And no, the exquisite shmek of GF is not supposed to be drowned out by chrein.

I sense a lot of negativity about, and resentment over, gefilte fish among people I know.
There is much distaste. Gefilte fish causes hearteache, and inspires strong agonized emotion.
This makes 'my evil little Calvinist within' absolutely ecstatic (the Little Child Within and the Dolphin Within were both probably killed by the Evil Little Calvinist Within - meh, it's a blessing).

Gefilte Fish DEMANDS parity! Now!

Eat it up.

PEYSACH IS MAGIC

That's all for today. Nothing more.
Discuss.




Oh, one other thing:
Flying rubber frogs, and miniature marshmallows twice - kinim and barad.

KITNIOS AND OTHER STUPID IDEAS

Several times over the last few years Savage Kitten has asked me Peysach-related questions. Which is understandable, as she is a person of Chinese ancestry (what on earth would they know about Passover?) and I am white (naturally, I know everything there is to know about Passover).

[In point of fact, my significant other is of Cantonese extraction. Cantonese ritual celebrations and religious practices always involve food. Hence there is an abiding fascination that even extends to white people in that regard.]


KITNIOS

I have endeavored to answer her questions as best I could.
The KITNIOS thing, however, is a stumper. All I could say was that because chometzdikkes were sold in the same bins, bales, bags, and other containers as dry goods in Eastern-Europe, there was a possibility of contamination. Which inspired a food-related paranoia that simply got worse with each generation, till finally it reached absurd proportions: a chumra against kitnios.

She understands this explanation to a certain extent, because she knows that white people are totally foaming-at-the-mouth-nuts about food, unlike Chinese people. White people are weird. She also assumes that whites have a long history of poisoning each other.

But why do Ashkenazim also avoid soybeans, sunflower seeds, and maize? Beans? Peas? Peanuts? Pepper? Caraway? Cumin? Coriander seed? Every seed and grain shaped edible substance known to man?
Some of these things were not even sold in Eastern Europe - how can anyone possibly suspect contamination? Why does it get worse every year?
How insane are white people?

Chocolate, gottenyu?!?!?

I am sometimes at a loss to defend white people. It's a problem.


"Sweetie-pie, think of it this way: Perhaps the rebbeim were paranoid about aflatoxins during Peysach. Who knows? Has to do with chodosh. Stuff that has been in storage for a while ends up funggoidal in a non-desert environment. The temperate zone is a nasty place. Everything there goes bad. Especially after a long wet winter."


[ ' 'Aha! So aspergillus is the goyish equivalent of chometz!' ']

And presto, a new chumra is born. Avoid ANYTHING during Peysach that may be susceptible to contamination by aspergillus. Which means most seed crops. Al pi Wikipedia: Crops which are frequently affected include cereals (maize, sorghum, pearl millet, rice, wheat), oilseeds (peanut, soybean, sunflower, cotton), spices (chilli peppers, black pepper, coriander, turmeric, ginger), and tree nuts (almond, pistachio, walnut, coconut, brazil nut).
Also included in the ban are soil, decaying vegetation, hay, and mulch.


ESPECIALLY chocolate cake from that fine bakery around the corner!


If she thinks in those terms, she's not likely to gift "white people" with anything chometzdik during this time of year.

I have not mentioned the gebrochts thing to her. Gebrochts are even more insane than kitnios, and I've already learned my lesson. Besides, she's not likely to find ANYTHING made with matze meal that isn't already kosher l'utmostdegree. Not in this city.

MAHMOUD MABHOUH AND BRITISH PASSPORTS

Seventeen years ago a coworker was held at Kennedy Airport because he had a multiplicity of passports. By himself alone, he represented a microcosm of Europe: Germany, France, and England were represented among his official documents - England in fact several times.

When we heard about it, we had to smile. It was so typical of him.
Sikhs have a brashness and chutzpa-ish self-assurance that often leads to outrageous flouting of rules, and here in San Francisco we are very used to fake papers. Heck, most of the young Euro-trash infesting cheap lodgings here make darn sure that they have identification documents showing assumed names and ages, because they do not wish to get in trouble with the authorities when they break the law (as they do at the drop of the hat - "Yankee rules are NOT for us civilized people!"), and they keenly wish to drink themselves silly like they do in Europe ("I shall repeat: Yankee rules are NOT for us civilized people!").

It is axiomatic that one out of two Europeans in San Francisco engages in underage drinking, law breaking, and sexual harassment of local women.
For all such pursuits, possession of fake identification is 'le must'.



LETTER TO MILIBAND

Of course it isn't just Eurotrash that utilizes fake passports, as Maurice Ostroff explains:


Quote:
"For example, the fake passports at issue could have come from any of the flourishing passport factories in London open for trade with all comers. On February 26, Sue Reid in the Daily Mail described the "frightening ease", with which foreign terrorists and criminals can obtain fake EU passports made to order in 48 hours at counterfeiting factories in North London. (note the plural). She bought three forged passports for £1,200 each.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-388912/My-fake-passport-Britain.html

There are many other likely sources. The passports used in Dubai could even have been issued fraudulently by the British Home office, which has admitted to having issued 10,000 genuine British passports to fraudulent applicants. According to Mail online of March 21, 2007, an Al Qaeda fanatic was issued with nine British passports, seven in his own name and two in fraudulent identities, while he was plotting to murder thousands of people in a series of terrorist atrocities.
http://www.2nd-thoughts.org/id263.html

Another worry is that thousands of stolen passports are still in circulation resulting from a hijack in 2008 of 3,000 blank British passports and visas that were destined for British embassies abroad. The Mail online described the hijacking as a 'real coup' to terrorists, illegal immigrants and fraudsters.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1039490/Hijackers-steal-blank-British-passports-worth-2-5m-driver-stops-buy-chocolate-bar.html

Moreover, a Google search for fake passports reveals countless offers for genuine looking but fake EU, British, USA, Canadian and Australian passports. See for example
http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/travellers-warned-of-passport-scam-20090309-8tcd.html
"
End quote.


The rest of his 'Open letter to Rt Hon. David Miliband' can be found here:
http://www.2nd-thoughts.org/id269.html



It's a very good letter, and I encourage you to read it.


He does overlook one key thing in respect to the death of mister Mabhouh, and the door to mister Mabhouh's hotel room being locked from the inside with a safety chain in place.


That is the very distinct possibility that mister Mabhouh was killed by a local whore in Dubai. Of which there are several thousand who cater specifically to the hotel trade.


Dubai, as is well known, is a haven of enlightened attitudes in an otherwise depressingly repressive region. Many Arabs from conservative Saudi Arabia and elsewhere flock to Dubai for the opportunity to engage in 'romance', purchase designer goods, and get right royally blasted on liquor. Dubai is better than Paris in that regard, as there is far less snootiness, and far better even than Beirut, due to the smorgasbord of European and Asian hookers available to the well-connected.
Especially in the luxury hotels for which Dubai is so justly famous.

I cannot discount the distinct possibility that mister Mabhouh was engaged in something deliciously degenerate. In fact, if any of the Arabs whom I know personally is anything to go by, it is almost guaranteed that he 'rampaged' like a stallion while in Dubai.

[Yes, Mohammad, I remember when you were desperately trying to get into the panties of the Dutch woman. And Alai, you were just pathetic, drooling over that Swedish girl. As for you, Nasseeb, you like Phillipino transgenders - but do they like you?]


There are several other things which we might also wonder about.
Was the other person in mister Mabhouh's room male or female? Local Arab, or import tart? And was mister Mabhouh 'accidentally' done in by his sexual partner's vigour, or killed by the Dubai authorities OR Hamas agents for any number of possible reasons - such as face-saving, cover-up, intelligence failure, embarrassing lack of discretion, accidentally spilling the beans on something which either Dubai or Hamas did not want revealed, blackmail, sexual shenanigans with someone back in Gaza or Syria that he would have been better keeping his hands off of, etcetera.
One might counter that there is no reason to assume the worst of the man, and that all this is mere speculation. But that would overlook his history as a murderer, strong-arm goon, sadist, criminal, and weapons smuggler. Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was a thug. Who knows what such a person could have been involved in?
Or how twisted and dysfunctional his personal life was?


Additionally, there are others who may have benefitted from his timely demise.


Quote:
"On March 3, the London Telegraph reported that Al-Quds Al-Araby reported that Hamas itself believe that the security forces of an Arab state were behind the assassination. No less than Mahmoud Nasser, a member of Hamas political bureau spoke of efforts to kill Mabhouh who was being tracked by agents from Jordan and Egypt as he was in possession of information dangerous to particular Arab elements seeking to topple Islamist resistance."

Further:
"Gulf News and al-Khaleej newspapers in the United Arab Emirates quoted police chief, Lieutenant-General Dahi Khalfan Tamim, as saying that a Hamas member played a significant role in the killing of Mabhouh."

Source:
http://www.2nd-thoughts.org/id269.html


OR EVEN ... ?

Heck, it's not too farfetched to think that he was done in by British agents because he was about to blow the top off of Britain's passport racket. They are rather known for bending over backwards for well-connected Arabs (no questions asked).
As well as 'passport' expertise.

RIVALS FOR THE RANK OF CLASS SLUT

A while back I left a comment on Treppenwitz's blog. Now, that isn't unusual, as I am a talkative and opinionated person. But here it is, several day later, and not only do I still agree with myself (mirabile dictu!), I actually think that said comment perfectly expresses my point of view.
And that IS unusual - it's a different day of the week, and a different time of day, so my levels of stress, caffeine, aesthetic frustration, and emotional disbalance are entirely different(*). That normally affects thinking.
[* but piss and vinegar remain constant, however.]

Treppenwitz had opined that Israel was the Class Slut of the international community. Everyone wants what Israel has to offer, but no one wants to be seen with her.

I beg to differ.

The United States is the Class Slut, Israel is merely the class tramp.

We're number one. So to speak.

Especially in Europe.

The European governments have NO problem with their people slamming the US as a bunch of arrivista whores, inbreds, vulgarians, closet fascist-imperialists, overweight criminals and sexfiend puritans; heck, we’re one big blemish on civilization and if it weren’t for us and our corrupt venal leaders (and our daemonic military), the rest of the world could go about the peaceful business of building happy proletarian pigsties and communes, and dancing their colourful native dances in tune with mother nature and the elements.

But the Eurie governments, despite their peoples’ clear distaste (loathing, repulsion, horrified nausea) just keep quietly working with us, buying our weapons, investing in our industries, bribing our officials, pet warlords, and clients, and forwarding intelligence, while transporting innocent Arab detainees to overseas CIA torture dens.

Heck, NATO is the biggest "secret" around. Membership allows a whole bunch of rinky-tink European liberal democracies to do jacksh*t about their own security, while silently relying on the big bad US, and publicly disdaining us and lamenting that that bunch of filthy transportees ever became independent.
Oh, and please remember, everything we did in WWI and since can be entirely discounted – because it was to our benefit, and NOT because we honestly worshipped Europe.


Israel, without the United States, would no doubt also be better. Leastways a neo-socialist workers paradise that would just have to get along with the hardworking aborigines, both peoples exchanging artistic trinkets and hummus recipes instead of barbs and (US-sponsored) bombs.


----------------------------------------------------


Comments? Feedback? A different point of view?
Let me know.
I am always keen to hear what you have to say.
You may also vote.

WORDS OF PRAISE

Earlier today I chastised a fellow commenter on Dovbear’s blog for using the ‘F’ word. My contention was that if you had something worthwhile to say, you diminished it by employing unprintable language.
I may not have explained that concept very well – I used the example of Arab social norms as the benchmark.

Arabs speaking Arabic on the whole shy away from foul language. There are exceptions, of course, but the average Arab will not curse or swear, especially not in polite company. And certainly not if his mother is present.

[This does not hold true if they are Egyptians, or the modernized offspring of immigrants, or speaking English in San Francisco. Then all bets are off.]


That tendency towards clean speech makes Arabic cussing that much more ‘impactful’ and shocking when it does happen.
Arabic has a well-developed vocabulary, and someone speaking Arabic is not crippled by a lack of off-colour words. But Arabs prefer to appall by content, not coarseness.


Other languages are more ‘colourful’ in common use.
Speakers of Hindustani, shorn of their curse-vocabulary, are nearly tongue-tied. The average Desi flings words like ch*rail and madrch*t around with such gay abandon that one would think he’s a harlot using ghee. Hindustani cussing metaphorizes acts of filth and incest of staggering nastiness – plus implied parentage that is quite impossible.
Modern American English, especially the teenage variant, is generously larded with verbs of congress – apposite, as these function like glue for the clauses that the juvenile delinquent wishes linked.
Dutch, like German, uses words mainly drawn from the copralecticon. Plus some that are sexual.
Other languages employ heretical and sacrilegious terms, rather than intercoursal or excretory conceptions.

In most cases cussing and swearing does not add meaningful content to one’s discourse and should be avoided.


Despite my own clean and virginal use of English, I have been exposed to the full gamut of gutter speech.


Whatever ‘innocence’ I had on that score was body-slammed out of me by the women of my ken.


My mother. My grandmother. My auntie. And my significant other.



SPEAK LIKE A LADY!

My mother, who insisted that she NEVER used foul-language 'and how on earth(!) did you(!!) pick that up(!?!)', was the daughter of a colonel in the army, and during WWII and the Korean War she herself served in the navy.
She probably swallowed the vocabulary from the air she breathed, as well as by studying Old-English at Berkeley. Given that she never cursed, I must have absorbed the words by osmosis. There is no other possible explanation.
Mother’s milk.

My grandmother was widowed young, and raised two boys to adulthood during the depression. She did a good job – both were well-brought up, educated, civilized.
Then WWII broke out, and all three of them served in uniform. She herself ended up in Germany for several years with the US forces during the occupation. Again, there must have been a quantity of air-borne verbal poo from the military environment.
I heard her several times blister paint.
In the most ladylike way, of course.

My auntie had been kicked out of Indonesia when the Nationalists gained control of the place. Women of her class and background DID NOT swear. Ever. Gracious, how could you even think that!
On the other hand, plants grow better if you encourage them.
Especially hot-house chilies, which will abundantly repay the attention which they are given.
If you heard her give them verbal love, your ears might fall off.
Her chilies were very hot.
Very very very hot.


My significant other, in complete contrast to all three of the above, is Cantonese-American.
Anyone who thinks that Cantonese people can express themselves without scorching the walls and raising the dead is mistaken. The first words I ever learned in Cantonese, nearly forty years ago, were the heartfelt wish that someone should commit violent incest. Followed by a biological promise of utter impossibility, as well as a curse involving bones, and a sincere commitment to provide someone’s entire family with caskets.
My fluency increased over the years, but I have never forgotten those first lessons.

[The Cantonese are descended from gamblers, thieves, smugglers, tax-evaders, escaped convicts, and rebellious elements, getting away from the government by crossing the passes into the malarial wilderness of Yueh. That ancient adventurous colonization of the Sui-T'ang frontier explains their language, their enterprise, their culture, and their subsequent world-wide migration.]

Savage Kitten, like all Cantonese, is eloquent. Vibrantly so.
Unlike the vast majority of Sinitic speechforms and dialects, the Cantonese language has a toxic vocabulary of stupendous richness, and a piquancy of expression that leaves other Chinese people slackjawed and quivering, utterly aghast at the lyrical flood of sewage that just hit their ears.
Imagine ten horrid things expressed in a mere five syllables.
Judicious combinations of repulsive ideas, and the extreme brevity that is a characteristic of all Chinese languages, lead to phrasing that requires almost Talmudic explication for the non-Cantonese public.


So, to everyone who uses the ‘F’ word, stop it. You are amateurs. You cannot possibly vehementize like the masters, and you are merely making fools of yourselves. What I hear on a regular basis, from the small Cantonese person with whom I share my living quarters, is the epic poetry of cursing.
What the rest of you produce is mere doggerel.
Just stop.

THE PERFECT HOLE

I have been admiring the tobacco chamber of a new pipe. This pipe is special, I created it. The briar is very old but not well grained, so I gave the outside a textured finish, sort of a stressed sea-rock, in an unnatural colour. The tobacco chamber tapers slightly, due to a crazy theory of mine about heat deflection and absorption.
It smokes like a dream - the inner wall is developing an even carbon layer. Nothing compares to a perfect hole of the right shape and dimension. I do so like a good hole.
But this post is NOT about pipes.

It's about Savage Kitten.


This morning, while I was dressing, she got up, and went into the kitchen grumbling to herself, reappearing a moment later with a large screwdriver. Still grumbling. Still half asleep.


"You know, Hon, most people fix themselves breakfast first thing in the morning, instead of grabbing a screwdriver. What do need it for?"

"It's for my holes!"

"Come again?"

"Holes. Incense. Earth. Holes!"


It turns out that she remembered that there are no censers at the graveyard. So she got the screwdriver, to put aside for this Sunday.

If you are baffled at this point I do not blame you. It's a Chinese thing.

ChingMing is coming up. It's the time of year when Chinese people go to cemeteries, clean the graves, light incense sticks, and burn ghost money. Cantonese-Americans like Savage Kitten usually play fast and loose with the exact date and the precise rituals. This year ChingMing is the day after Easter. But seeing as one of the relatives has gone all Christian, they're doing ChingMing a week early so that it doesn't interfere with the bunny rabbit.

[The clear-bright festival - Ching Ming Jit: 清明節. Two weeks after the Spring Equinox. A traditional celebration and time of ancestor commemoration, observed all over the Chinese world, and also in Vietnam.]


Savage Kitten is sort-of organizing it for the family, gathering together everything that's necessary for their version of ChingMing. Beverages, brushes, and soap. Hell currency. Joss sticks. Something to light the money for the dead, a cookie tin to burn the paper in.
And a screwdriver to poke holes in the ground for the joss sticks. There's probably about a dozen graves. Got to firmly shove the incense into the hard ground.
It helps if you've got the perfect hole.


After they've scrubbed the grave stones, set their various fires, and poured out Remy Martin for the ancestors, they will eat. An array of tasty dumplings, pastries, and filled buns from Chinatown. Surrounded by graves, smoldering hell notes, and incense.
And this year, perfect holes.

MATURE TASTES

Over at Treppenwitz’s hacienda, six year old Yonah is experiencing his first childish steps into coffee. Just a splash, with sugar and lots of milk. He’s enjoying it – the long slog to adulthood is made lighter by a nice beverage.


"I just love a cup of coffee in the morning, don't you?"
------Yonah Bogner
[ http://www.treppenwitz.com/ this post: http://www.treppenwitz.com/2010/03/starter-coffee.html ]


I've promised that when he turns fourteen, I will buy him his first pipe. He will probably have discovered Conan Doyle, Kipling, Simenon, and Nabokov by then. Teenage boys need a ton of help with smoking decisions, but their natural intelligence will reasonably guide them as regards literature.

Oh, and girls too. Well brought up girls should avoid cigarettes, as such things are vulgar, and belong in the realm of sailors, barkers, bouncers, and guitar players - civilized young ladies do not indulge in such things. Pipes or cigars only!
A phase of Barbara Cartland or sleazy romance novels, however, is okay. We don't expect fully mature tastes until you're grown-up.

Coffee and books - the essentials of civilized life.

DINK LUMP!

There are some days when I just need some brainless entertainment. Like today.
Actually, what I really need is to link dump, seeing as due to a computer meltdown I am not sitting at my own desk but over in the seldom-used cubicle, using a machine that is slow, and an ergonomic keyboard designed by a sadist. My wrists hurt. This screen sucks. It feels like half my brain is paralyzed. What's that smell? Did he leave a dead cat in his desk when he left? Shoot, this desk is sticky. And this chair used to belong to Troquamed...., ...Torquemo...., ...Turquenmada...., ... some German.


")*(&R)WFY*&****SFUEQuewe&":lkqw%# !!!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaargh!"

. . . . .


LINK DUMP: AZUMANGA DAIOH!


Kimura-sensei
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftAMtTH6mKQ
A type of high school teacher disturbingly common in Japan: The pervert.


Osaka-san
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqUHZScBJRk&feature=related
Somewhat spacey. Some of you people need to find someone like this for your life.
Really, you do.


Chiyo-chan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU7HhHRgCiM&feature=related
Gosh darn cute. Waddle waddle.


Yukari's Driving
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS9csiX95dQ&feature=related
Reminds me of my relatives when I drove. My dad (WWII bomber pilot) was happy as a clam, but my cousins......


The Best of Miss Yukari
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbz2cBeIS_M&feature=related
Ten minutes of the school teacher we all wish we had had - Miss Yukari.


There.
Please note that the anime shorts above are not suitable for very little children or yeshiva bichirim, as they might give them nightmares, or infect them with terminal cute.
No one needs terminal cute.

There are no cat corpses anywhere.

BERKELEY STUDENTS VOTE AGAINST ISRAEL

In a move stunning for both its inherent bigotry and its high level of moron quotient, the Student Senate at UC Berkeley voted for a bill calling for divestment from two companies because of Israel.

All quotes below are taken from the press release.
["UC Berkeley Student Senate Passes Divestment Bill in Response to Israeli Occupation"]


QUOTE:
The Senate bill directs both the UC Regents and the Student Government to divest from General Electric and United Technologies. General Electric manufactures Apache helicopter engines; United Technologies manufactures Sikorsky helicopters and F-16 aircraft engines.
END QUOTE.


QUOTE:
Student Senator Rahul Patel supported the bill, declaring that “in the 1980s the Student Government was a central actor in demanding that the university divest from South African apartheid. 25 years later, it is a key figure in shaping a nationwide movement against occupation and war crimes around the world. Student Government can be a space to mobilize and make decisions that have a significant impact on the international community. We must utilize these spaces to engage each other about issues of justice worldwide.”
END QUOTE.


The odious and false comparison with South African Apartheid is rather interesting, given that several other countries actually can be called 'apartheid regimes'..... not only in the Arab world.
Such stellar international players as India, Japan, Malaysia, Pakistan, and Turkey, for example.


QUOTE:
The Senate deliberation, which started Wednesday night, concluded at 3 am Thursday morning, March 18. The meeting was flooded with students, educators, and community members, which prompted the relocation of the Senate session from the Senate Chambers to a larger room. The attendees took turns making impassioned arguments for and against the bill. The diverse list of guest speakers included 76 names, ranging in age from college freshmen to Vietnam veterans.
After amendments, the final bill passed on a 16-4 vote.
In addition to Israeli military action, the student initiative was motivated by an 2005 call on behalf of 171 Palestinian civil society organizations calling on "people of conscience all over the world to impose broad boycotts and implement divestment initiatives against Israel … until it fully complies with the precepts of international law."
END QUOTE.


It would appear that many of the Student Senators are ignorant of international law. This is, of course, in keeping with their loyalties to the 171 Palestinian civil society organizations aforementioned, in addition to the ISM, MECA, and others of a questionable nature. That, besides their being ignorant, they are ethically crippled, goes without saying.

Berkeley is no longer the stellar educational institution it once was.


QUOTE:
According to Emiliano Huet-Vaughn, co-author of the bill, “this vote is an historic step in holding all state and corporate actors accountable for their violations of basic human rights. The broad cross section of the community that came out to demand our university invest ethically belies the notion that the American people will tolerate the profiting from occupation or other human rights abuses.” Student Senator Emily Carlton, co-sponsor of the bill, agreed, adding “this action will only be historic if it is repeated throughout the country and the world; I hope that student governments all over America will see in this a sign that the time to divest from war is now.”
END QUOTE.


Co-authors of the bills were students Tom Pessah (tompessah@berkeley.edu, 510.590.7902) and Emiliano Huet-Vaughn (emiliano@econ.berkeley.edu, 510.847.6186).
This per the press release that Katherine Fuchs (katherine.endtheoccupation@gmail.com) forwarded on March 18, 2010.


-----------------------------------------------

AFTERTHOUGHT


My parents studied at Berkeley, as did their siblings and their friends.
I also went to Berkeley. So did many of my friends.

Berkeley was once a wonderful institution. It is no longer so.
The town itself is notorious for the anti-Semitic atmosphere, the campus is a place where it is not safe to be pro-Israel.

I shall henceforth be cheering for Stanford on game day, and boycotting all things Berkeley.

DIFFERING FLESHPOT DREAMS

There's an old joke that you have probably heard some version of before: Two Dutchmen are marooned on a desert island. Years later, when they are finally found, they give their rescuers a tour, showing them how they occupied their time and tried to re-create civilized life in the midst of a wilderness.
"This is my church. And that is his church".
Then somebody asks "what about that third church over there"?
"Oh, them!"


Over on Tzipporah's blog (Midianite Manna) there's a discussion about Peysach. And food.
Tzipporah's good man is multiply allergic.
There will be children present.
And...... vegetarians.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!


Can't get more aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack than that, really.

Midianite Manna is, understandably, a wee bit 'stressed'.

I sympathize. Food is fun. But food is frustration.



KOSHER LE WHATEVER

Several times over the last twenty years I have attempted to explain to my own eishes chayil the intricacies of kashrus. Savage Kitten, as you know, is Cantonese-American. So her concepts of food are typically Chinese, but coupled with American exposure and a vibrant Southern-Chinese fascination with what other folks are eating.


"IS IT EDIBLE?"


Most Cantonese people do not quite understand food taboos. Such things seem incredibly 'white' to them. "Waddya mean we can't eat it? Isn't it edible? Does it not bleed?"
Added to that, the Chinese have a passionate appreciation for four-legged treifus that rivals that of the ancient Celts. A pig, to a person from that background, is a fabulous beast.
Savage Kitten 'gets' that Jews do not eat pork. Fine by her, that simply means more for everybody else.

When I tried to explain that certain other tasty things were also out of the question, she shushed me after several minutes of snapper ve kaskeses. The next night she cooked giant shrimp with a butter and fishpaste dressing. It was .... disturbingly delicious.

She absolutely draws the intellectual line at kitnios. When I attempted to clarify the issue, she snapped "oh hush, crazy white man!"
No beans, no seeds, no rice..... clearly I had lost my mind. If not me, then several of my associates.

She still finds it incredible that I don't gift my friends with food. Especially around Easter. 'Sweetheart', I will say, 'chocolate has a whole variety of kitnios.....'
"Well, what about a bottle of whiskey?"
'Errrrrrmmmmm, chometz......'
"There you go again, speaking that goofy white man's language!"

The nearest she comes to understanding Passover is that it somehow involves slaughtering a tender little goat. She's fine with that. Roasted goatling. Yum. Succelent and delicious. Every year she looks forward to watching Charlton Heston chewing up the scenery. It's one of the best bad movies ever.
And the closest she'll ever come to religion.


ETHNIC FOOD

On the other hand, she thoroughly understands that only certain lucky foods get prepared after the headhunt, or before raiding another tribe downriver and stealing their pigs. The description of the water buffalo sacrifice horrified her till I mentioned that it wasn't the only carabao, the rich clan had many others. The pig feast in the highlands elicited a question about spices and washing the crispy skin with coconut juice while the beasts were roasting. And could I also please describe the other dishes.

Maybe I should try to teach her about lumeri mura and lumeri tuwa - the two festivals that mark the beginning and end respectively of the headhunting season after the last harvest of the year, when the rains sweep in from the ocean and new rice wine is drunk, or aremakuwa, after the equinoxes, when it is fortuitous to open a business or start a new venture. As long as it involves a sumptuous array of food, she'll be okay with it.


I don't think that will work for Tzipporah, however.

So, be a mensh, and go to her blog to either share your food ideas, or commiserate.

RAMAT SHLOMO - JEWS, SHUT UP ALREADY!

Among a number of commenters the idea is that the US administration's fight with the Israeli government over 1600 homes in Ramat Shlomo will harm Obama, because congressmembers and others will challenge the wisdom of treating America's closest ally in the war on terror in such a fashion, especially as regards majority Jewish neighborhoods in a city which has been Jewish since time immemorial. Certainly in several publications, and on numerous right-wing blogs, Obama's loyalty and intelligence are being questioned, and 'pundits' are opining that he has done irreparable damage to our standing and will have to back down red-faced under pressure from all of god-fearing America.
This, they say, proves that Obama is out of touch. As are Hillary and Joe.


That idea, of course, is utter poppycock.


It's actually far more likely to backfire on Jews, Israel, and everyone who supports either or both.


There is already a perception that Americans are in danger in the Middle-East because of Israel and the Jews. A recent briefing by General Petraeus stressed the very real adverse impact of America seeming to be ineffective as regards Israeli actions - the Arabs feel that the US dares not do anything without Israeli approval, and is powerless to stop Israel from doing whatever it wants.

Here in the United States there are plenty of people who will play this up as "them damn Jews" spitting in the president's face. Any actions by politicals (congress or whoever) to get the administration to back down will be seen by a large number of people as the infamous Jewish lobby attempting to steamroll the US government.
That interpretation will come from both left and right.

Here in California, it will come from the left.
Which is almost overwhelmingly composed of ideological Jew-haters.



How will it benefit Israel if her strongest supporters among the American people (and in Europe) end up being called traitors and agents of a foreign power?


How will it benefit Israel if Jews are seen as intransigent supporters of all other Jews, and only of Jews?


How will it benefit Israel if the remaining Jews in golus feel that aliyah is perhaps not so strange an idea?



I'm sure a large number of Evangelicals, on the other hand, would be overjoyed if more Jews emigrate to Israel..... that will hasten the end-times and the last days.
Perhaps we should remember that it is ONLY because those pesky Jews aren't all in Israel that the virtuous select of god have not yet been uplifted and the dead haven't risen.


The far left, of course, will be overjoyed if more Jews leave irrespective of apocalyptic auto-eroticism. They're kind of like Europeans that way.


Being Jewish, or an Israel-supporter, means being politically incorrect.
It's like having an American accent in Europe - it starts fights.

I often wish that Israel's leftwing and rightwing would realize that what comes out of their mouths has effects far beyond their blinkered and obsequious fan-circles.
And yes, it should not be that way - but there are 300 million Americans, nearly double that number of people in Europe, and triple that in the Muslim world. There are less than eight million people in Israel.
Clearly the obsession with Israel magnifies how the utterances and decisions made in that tiny country are perceived, and adds to the exaggeration and misinterpretation with which we are all familiar. That's just the way it is.


Entirely separate from which, a fight between conservative Israel-supporters and the president will strengthen both J-Street and the Arab-lobby, and encourage them to push the envelope.
Neither of which are eventualities I wish to see happen.
I shall not even speak of the shot in the arm this gives to all the European haters of Israel.

PRO-ISRAEL WITH FLAGS AND CIGARS

The other side called a demonstration in front of the Israeli consulate at noon today.
It wasn't planned by any of the usual Jew-hating organizations with which the SF Bay Area is so richly larded.
More of a badly thought-out spur of the moment flash of dullness by the disconnected.

[The usual Bay Area Jew-hate orgs: JVP, IJAN, Brit Tzedek, Women in Black, International ANSWER, ISM-norcal, Code Pink, MSA, The Gloria La Riva Fanbase, South Bay Mobilization, Marin County Peace and Justice Coalition, SJP, Queers for Hamas, Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists, Lake Merrit United Methodist Church, and St. Johns Presbyterian on College Avenue.
Have I forgotten anybody? Please register the name of your anti-Semitic yet oh so politically correct guild of irritating busybodies in the comments field below this post and thank you.]


It did, however, contain many of the usual haters: Kate Bender Raphael, Hassan Fouda, Randy whose last name I temporarily cannot remember, John with a surname in the same forgettable category, Rusty from telegraph Avenue, an International ANSWER politburo guy, a raving lunatic, a poe-faced Wibbie who ALWAYS shows up at these things.......


Plus several hairy tofu from Berkeley.


As well as a number of sincere young people who intended the event to be a remembrance of Tristan Anderson, who was hit in the head by a teargas canister a year ago while at a demonstration in the West Bank.


I've always had problems with those West Bank Village demonstrations - genuine peaceniks, smiling Arabs, and rabid hate-filled troublemakers on one side, the IDF on the other.
It seems so unfair, as the sincere yet ignorant will inevitably end up in a violent melee started by criminals and saboteurs using unarmed and panicked demonstrators as cover and as human shields.
It is a great pity that Tristan got hit in the head instead of one of those racists or terror-supporting infiltrators - surely the world would have been a much better place if a rock-throwing Jihadi got whacked? Or a hate-preaching PA imam from the local mosque, or an Israeli peace-activist, or a revolutionary from Western Europe........


In the same manner, I have a problem with demonstrations in front of the consulate where sincere (and sincerely ignorant) 'peace activists' allow themselves to be used by opportunistic scum like Kate Bender Raphael and Hassan Fouda.
Or, mentioning the trolls who were there in spirit but couldn't make it in flesh: Hatem Bazian, Lilly Haskel, Karima Al-Helew, Richard Becker, Barbara Lubin, the Wallach sisters, Paul Larudee........


None of the usual self-identified 'victimized Palestinians' and their hoodlum fellow-travelers showed up either, however. So what with the absence of both Richard Becker and the Thugs For Palestine, there was no riot.


It was mostly thirty Berkeleyite youth, plus a dozen convinced anti-Semitic activists (see names above), and half-a-dozen pro Israel demonstrators presenting the voice of reason.

Kudos to the two dozen police who were there. By their mere presence, they kept me from punching a horribly offensive anti-Israel boor in the gut. And that is a good thing.

All in all, not bad for a lunch break.
I was in a far better mood when I left than when I got there.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The flags and cigars in the title of this post? The flags were Israeli and American, both of which irritated a goodly number of people. The cigars were small Dutch stogies smoked by Baruch and myself, in contravention of the city ordinance about smokers staying fifteen feet away from commercial doorways - but the only people who were irritated by the smoke were anti-Israel activists. Who deserve to be smoked at.

ANDRIES VAN AGT - VILE AND HATEFULL

A while back I mentioned provincial Dutch Catholicism as having produced that bitter anti-Semite Andries van Agt.
Former prime-minister Andreas Antonius ('Dries') van Agt is a type very common in Europe, where some people (perhaps subconsciously) regret that Hitler didn't 'finish the job', and others have become hatefilled Xenophobes since the various socialist governments of the eighties and nineties let in 'all those damn foreigners'.
The conflict between liberal values and rigidly conservative social conditioning produces strange and interesting results.

Many small-town Europeans suffer from anomie, and a sense that people who are not like them (and therefore wrong wrong wrong!) have taken over the world. It grieves them.


VAN AGT

Dries van Agt is the paradigm of that type and their venomously disapproving attitude.
For a number of years now he has vented an anti-Semitism no less virulent for being garbed in language which is considered politically correct in the Netherlands - where the excuse that criticism of Israel is not necessarily anti-Semitic probably originated.

[Many Dutch slam Israel in the most repellent terms, then blandly explain that it is the hyper-sensitivity of unreasonable Jews to object. The Dutch, in fact, 'are Israel's staunchest supporters, always have been, they too suffered during the war (and why do you Jews keep bringing that period back up?!?), and if Jews were normal people (instead of hatefilled racist jerks) they would seriously listen to what sensible folk in all sincerity tell them'.]


My exceedingly low opinion of Andries van Agt prompted a reader to complain at length.
The ensuing discussion is reproduced below.

[What prompted this rehash? Well, a spam-moron tried to seed an old blog-post, which made me revisit it. What I said then is just as valid now - Andries van Agt is still alive, still spreading hatred, and other things have also hardly changed.]


READER:
"Dries van Agt our former prime minister does have an opinion, to write him to be an anti Semite is out of order. What do you call a person like Jonathan Pollard or an action like the sinking of the USS Liberty in 1967."


No, van Agt is indeed an anti-Semite. There is no doubt about it.

Jonathan Pollard is a spy. Why do you bring him up? I shall never defend him, and his weal and woe are of no consequence to me.

The sinking of the USS Liberty was a mistake. And a particularly stupid one at that. Opinions are divided over the cause and circumstances.
Just like there are diverse opinions over the unfortunate "accidents" that caused the death of Leon Klinghofer, or the 241 US Marines who inexplicably perished in Beirut in 1983.

To the European supporters of the Palestinians, those deaths were both accidental and justified. Obviously, as an American, I have a different opinion. I also don't think that the plane that fell out of the sky over Lockerbie simply malfunctioned, but I've heard that better educated European engineering experts have concluded that there were defective engine parts..... sloppy American manufacturing, I suppose.
Nevertheless, that too is a European opinion I cannot share. Must be a personal defect.


READER:
"It is impossible for you to judge Dries van Agt, a decent person with style and best of all humor.
He might tell what a lot of people do not want to hear, if he is an anti-Semite than what should we call the people of 'Een Ander Joods Geluid'."

What should we call them?
I love multiple choice questions!!!
1. Misguided.
2. Ignorant.
3. Self-hating.
4. Wannabe gentiles.
5. Disturbed.
6. Politically correct.
7. Scared of the society in which they live.
8. All of the above.

And the answer is ... (wait for it) .... EIGHT.


Concerning Dries van Agt, trust me, I know more about that man than I care to. Self-satisfied and self-righteous people like him are unfortunately a dime a dozen.

Plus that verkrampte Kattelieke background from whence he sprang, I've had exposure to that. He may have lost some of the religious convictions of that environment and that upbringing - but he has not lost either the anger, or the fanaticism.

He is, like so many Dutchmen, absolutely certain that he is right. And therefore convinced that those who hold a different opinion are wrong - and not only wrong, they must be evil.


READER:
"But what if you too are wrong. How do you know your thoughts are the right one. We can't be this bad, Obama has partial roots in the Netherlands."

Shoot, if I had known that about Obama, I wouldn't have voted for him!
Hee hee hee.

Well, you aren't ALL that bad. Some of you are far worse, and a few are much better.
As someone recently suggested, there's a proportion of halvegaren in every population. I'm inclined to think that there are just more of them on the other side of the Atlantic, especially in small tightly packed countries. Living so close together makes for a greater degree of dysfunctionality, don't you agree?


The flip answer to your question about my assurance that I am right would be that I am not thinking in Dutch, therefore I am far less likely to be wrong.

In actuality, I cannot KNOW that I am right.

But I do know that most of the anti-Israel rhetoric is wrong. Wrong in the sense of ignorant, wrong in the sense of biased, wrong in that it holds Israel to a higher standard than any other nation, wrong in that it reacts with outrage at almost everything Israel does (while often 'eliding' over the most egregious acts of Arabs), and wrong in that it nuances and spins the hatred and violence of one side, while insisting that the other side is eternally the aggressor.


READER:
"To a lot of people in Israel Jonathan Pollard is a hero and should be released as soon as possible."

Somewhat less than respectfully, I disagree with them and their point of view.

Yes, he forwarded data which the Israelis had a right to under agreements with the US government. And yes, if the US government had held to those agreements, the Israelis would have gotten that data anyway. And another yes, due to the interference of such high-placed administration officials as Caspar Weinberger, Pollard was slammed with the maximum sentence, unlike such clear enemy agents as members of the East-bloc diplomatic corps, Chinese governmental functionaries in the US, and Arab students.

But he broke our laws. I do not care what his motivation was, nor do I care how disproportionate his sentence. He put himself beyond my concern by acting not as an American, nor as a concerned citizen, but as a spy.

I can understand that many Israelis consider him a hero, and wish him released. They are entitled to their wrong opinion.
Pollard, as far as I'm concerned, needs to sit in jail forever.
Just as Mordechai Vanunu SHOULD HAVE.


VALUES

I have no sympathy for the double standards of the European and American left (and the entire frikkin' third world) as regards Israel, and I will disagree with those who support Israel when they show anything approaching such a bias.

Israel has a right to exist, with secure borders, in peace.

I refuse to have anything to do with people who yell 'itbach al Yahud' (slaughter the Jews), 'Falastin balad'na w'al Yahud qalab'na' (Palestine is our land and the Jews are our dogs), 'ba ruh, ba dam, nafdeek ya Falastin' (with our soul, with our blood, we will redeem you oh Palestine), 'al mawt al Yahud' (death to the Jews), or even that popular slogan used by American leftwing anti-Semites, which is echoed at every single pro-Pally demonstration in Western Europe: "all of Palestine will be free from the river to the sea" - which frankly states the intent to destroy the Jewish state and ethnically cleanse the land.
That is the behaviour of Berkeleyites and thugs, and has occurred at every pro-Palestinian rally for as long as I can remember. It is wrong.

By standing with those who utilize those slogans, activists validate and endorse such ideas. Which includes people like Andries van Agt, Gretta Duisenberg, Anja Meulenbelt, and countless thousands of 'politically correct' Dutchmen, Englishmen, Frenchmen, and other Europeans.


AFTERTHOUGHTS

At one demonstration in front of the consulate on Montgomery Street, I was informed that I was a dog, a pig, a monkey, inhuman, the son of a whore, and that I deserved to be shot, gutted, slashed open, have my children killed, and see my wife raped. This by several supporters of the Palestinian cause.
I was also told that I am a 'Jew faggot'. I humbly accept that appellation as a badge of honour - what the Dutch would call a 'geuzenaam'.

Angry riots and threats of death, plus several incidents that could have become violent, do not leave me with any positive appreciation of the pro-Palestinian side. Which includes Bay Area Women in Black, Jewish Voice for Peace, Students for Justice in Palestine, and International ANSWER, in addition to agitators bused in from San Jose (South Bay Mobilization), Marin, and various heathenish pig-butt boondocks.

For the time being I shall not shop at most Arab-owned businesses, and I will NOT be patronizing ANY Pakistani enterprises - most especially not Shalimar (run by a bunch of untkichotes from Peshawar and Lahore), Darbar (Indian, but arrogant Delhiwallah muslims - sab Delhi-main baqrichot hai), any of the shitty Paki dabbas in the tenderloin (all of them are bigots and unclean), or any Indian restaurant that does NOT have a Sikh on staff.


I will, however, continue to drop by the place run by Monzer from Gaza.
Despite the horrendously offensive things that come out of his mouth, and his verbal slamming of every ethnic group not his own, he has shown by his treatment of others that he does not put his bias into practice, wishes well on almost everybody, and appreciates anyone who treats others with respect.
Though his wine is vile and undrinkable, his consideration and kindness to many in his neighborhood is exemplary and deserves commendation.

THE LIPS OF SPAM

You've seen me talk about spam-comments before, and have probably wondered at my obsession with the genre.
Plainly put, it tickles me. I get an almost sadistic pleasure out of blocking Russian, German, English, and Programmerese comments underneath almost all posts yet hitting the publish button on gibberant Japanese smuttiness beneath 'CONVERSATIONAL STORMSURGE' (published July 17, 2009).
Perhaps there are marketers out there who are both baffled and hurt by this behaviour. Why should I block them, but favour the Japanese, whom nobody can read anyway?!?! And maybe they take this 'rejection' as a sign of rejection, and feel diminished in consequence.

I certainly hope so.
In short: Japanese naughty bits - YES. Lovely.
Anything else - NO! Icky icky icky!

Except today. Today some German dude placed the following message underneath CHOFETZ CHAIM - NOT A HAGIOGRAPHY:

"Ihr habt eine schoene Webseite hier, und vielciht schaut Ihr euch auchmal meine an, ok Sex im Internet ist nicht jedermans Sache, aber eben meine erste Homepage. Danke und macht weiter so! http:/www.party-strip.eu"


That post was published on April 25, 2007 - nearly three years ago. It discusses a Lithuanian Chassidic master, rav Yisroel Meir Kagan haKohen (1839 - 1933). His publishing-name (Chofetz Chaim) is from Psalm 34, verses thirteen through 15: "Mi ha ish he chafetz chayim, ohev yamim lirat tov?" (Who is the man that choses life, and loves days in which he sees good?). “Netzor lashonecha me ra, u sfateicha midaber mirma,” (Hold your tongue from evil, and your lips from voicing deceit), “Sur me ra, va ase tov, bekesh shalom ve radefehu!” (turn from evil and do good, look for peace and pursue it).


HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE CHAFETZIM!

I let the spamment through. No, it had nothing to do with the Chofetz Chaim. But I like the courtesy of the writer, who politely invites me to take a gander at his webseite, then frankly and humbly admits 'okay, sex in the internet is not for everyone, but it's his first homepage'.
His note of boyish yearning is quite quite charming.

I remember my first homepage. It had nothing to do with sex at all, but that was ages ago. Since then it has become plain that the internet only exists for three things: pornography, cute kitten pictures, and recipes.

Times have changed. I am seriously thinking of getting a netbook of some kind, so that I can freely browse the internet for ... kitten pictures.

And recipes. Lots of exciting recipes!

===========================================================

APPENDIX

From the aforementioned post:
The Chofetz Chaim had a brilliant student at the yeshiva in Radin, who married, and eventually stopped studying, as the needs of providing for a family took up more and more of his time

One day the Chofetz Chaim ran into him, and urged him to resume his studies, even if only by joining a group for the study of one blatt (one folio page, side a and b) of Talmud a day. The student apologized, but indicated that this would be of little use – he used to devour ten blatt a day, surely one blatt would be as nothing? Better to wait until he again had the time, and then return to his studies

The Chofetz Chaim told him of a man who was warned by his doctor to stay away from the baths, because in his weak condition they would prove too enervating. One day he passed the bath-house, gave in to temptation and went inside, enjoying the heat and steam for several hours. After a while, however, the heat affected him, so badly that he believed he would faint

Mustering all his remaining strength, he rushed to the Mikvah to cool off.
But what was this? The door was locked! He wailed in despair. Someone came at his calling, with a basin of cold water to pour over him and relieve his discomfort.
Now surely this man did not say “that basin is not enough, what good will that do? I will have the mikva or nothing!” Even as little as a basinful was marvelous.
And so it is with study.

As Hillel says “Do not say ‘when I have leisure I will study’, for perhaps you may never have leisure.” [Pirkei Avos 2:5]

Perhaps, after his fascination with naked pictures has been sated, my German commenter may go on to higher things. Hillel even. Or the Chofetz Chaim.

WORLD FILLED WITH PUS

We Americans have a reputation for not speaking any other languages than our own. Aside from the sheer oddness of that idea - in addition to English very many other languages are spoken here - what that often means is that foreigners often think that whatever they say in their own languages will never be understood by Americans.
It's assumed to be a private conversation with no Yankee dogs listening in.

[All the languages in the world are spoken in the United States. Among my friends and acquaintances here in San Francisco are speakers of Afrikaans, Arabic (Cairene, Hijazi, Levantine, Maghrebi, and Yemeni), Armenian, Bengali, Berber, Bikolano, Burmese, Cantonese, Caviteno, Cebuano, Chabacano, Danish, Deng, Dutch, Flemish, French, German, Gujarati, Hakka, Hausa, Hawaiian, Hebrew, Hindi, Hmong, Igorot, Ilocano, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Kapampangan, Korean, Lao, Mandarin, Marathi, Meo ('Miao'), Min, Mixtec, Persian, Polish, Portuguese, Punjabi, Quechua, Russian, Sicilian, Shanghainese, Spanish, Sundanese, Swedish, Tagalog, Tamil, Tausug, Teochew, Thai, Vietnamese, Waray, Yiddish, Yoruban, Yucatec. Plus some Montagnards and Tatars, and others with unusual tongues.]

In consequence of that misapprehension that we are all utterly monolingual and illiterate, foreigners freely say all manner of unpleasant things about us.
Yes, they really do talk about us - we are probably the most enthusiastically discussed group on the planet.


Now consider this doozy:
"Hypocriete Amerikaan zoals zoveel Amerikanen, en maar zeggen wij zijn het meest democratische volk op de aarde, bah wat een viezerds, en dit is dan een topje van de hypocritische ijsberg naar mijn idee."

------ Gert in Hilversum, on the website of De Telegraaf.


[Translation: 'Hypocritical American like so many Americans, and always saying 'we are the most democratic people on earth; faugh, what a repellent lot, and this then is a mere top of the iceberg to my thinking.']



GERT IS THE WORLD

It doesn't really matter what he was commenting on, the point is that based on one news item he opportunistically slandered three hundred million people, indicating that he loathes all of us. Which is not at all unusual. Under any Dutch article and on any Dutch website that mentions America there will be a surfeit of anti-American comments. Many Dutch do hate and despise us, and will take any chance to make that clear to their fellow Dutchmen.

The Dutch aren't strange in that regard.

The same sentiment thrives underneath articles and on web fora in German, French, Italian, and the Scandinavian tongues........


I sincerely hope that Gert in Hilversum dies painfully of the pox. Considering the sexual smorgasbord which is metropolitan Holland, that is very likely. But it cannot happen soon enough.

I wish similar fates on many other Dutch people, a very large number of Frenchman, Arabs, Germans, Italians, Poles, Pakistanis, Russians, Englishmen, Swedes........

Actually, all of Europe and all of the Islamic world.

If there ever is another World War (in other words, a war that starts in Europe and is fought mainly in Europe) we should stay the hell out.
Let those bastards kill each other. It's what they're good at.

Same goes for the Muslims. The Persians and Iraqis killed millions between themselves - a good beginning. The Egyptian military gassed Yemeni highlanders - splendid. The Pakistanis keep blowing each other up - jolly good. The Lebanese and Syrians can't stand each other - way to go, guys, make it happen. The Turks slaughtered tens of thousands of Kurds - meh. The governments of all Muslim countries repress and kill their own people - no biggy. Muslim terrorists slaughter thousands of fellow Muslims - cool, dudes, totally.

Screw all of you.

Maybe I should start reading South American and African websites next.

ORTHODOX JEWISH VAMPIRES

This morning Savage Kitten and I had a long talk about Jewish vampires. Pure speculation, of course, as such things do not exist - much like the snow weasels mentioned in a previous post (see here: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/03/please-stay-where-you-are.html ).

Obviously, if a Jew were a vampire, there would be complications.
Orthodox Jewish vampires would have all died out by now because of kashrus issues; the only Jewish vampires would have to be new age or reform - the kind of people who serve shrimp at a bar mitzvah, so hardly any food limitations.
But still. Not very likely.

A person who spends all day asleep probably won't make a good shidduch.

How about inhalers, or allergies? Beiden zeinen seriyoze kashes!

Are Jewish vampires required to wear tzitzit? Kippot? What is the vampire-specific blessing during birkas hashachar - shelo asani dot dot dot ... ?

A cross would not work as prophylaxis (although remarkably it DOES work against Japanese vampires), and garlic might also be ineffacious, resulting only in a request for more paprika.
Best try cholent. Cholent has often been deadly.



THOSE PALESTINIANS!

What started the entire conversation was a large pizza bought from the new Palestinians around the corner.
That pizza was a horrible idea - it woke me up several times during the night.

I'll blame the Palestinians for my indigestion (far easier than taking personal responsibility).
It was those Pallies, they done it!

Evenso, it was a very good pizza; she had some too, and pronounced it excellent. The Palestinians make fine pie.
They're clean and hard-working, and we hope their business thrives.

Pizza and bourbon just are NOT the dinner of champions. I know this now.


BALKAN BELLY

Today, after she fixed herself breakfast, she asked what had happened to the leftover pizza.
I explained that at four o'clock in the morning I had put it in the garbage. It had sat out too long, and would consequently be far too iffy to eat.
We both remembered a tale of American tourists in the Balkans getting food poisoning from pizza. One of them had ordered a large pie to go, to take on the tour bus, where it sat on a hot seat throughout a long day. Ever so often one of the other travelers went to the back of the bus and took a slice. Americans just loooooove pizza, and food in parts of the Balkans doesn't resemble anything recognizable, let alone edible.
Pizza is magic, pizza is home.

Ooooooooooh, pizza!!!!!!

Food that has been sitting out in a warm climate for several hours is NOT a good idea. Even if it is soul-food, student kibble, and your favourite television snack. The tourists in the story ended up with food poisoning. Every single one of them made multiple trips to the bathroom that evening, often not in the nick of time.
The natives are probably still talking about 'those Americans'.

Savage Kitten wondered whether local vampires would have found the outsiders MORE appetizing - exotic foreigners with a high fat content - or LESS appetizing - funky because of their eating habits and inappropriate mixtures of meat and dairy.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

It was an interesting conversation.
That woman is way more intellectually active than I am at an early hour.
I simply wanted to go to the bathroom, she animatedly went on and on about vampires.
No more pizza for a while.

CANADIAN SEA-DOG EATERS

What, you are asking, is a sea-dog? Especially in this context?
No, it isn't another PETA-approved circumlocution for fish ("sea-kitten"), but the Dutch word for seal.
The Canadians plan to put sea-dog on the menu in the dining hall of the parliament, prepared with bacon and a port-wine reduction.
The Dutch, as exemplars of all that is good and fluffy in Europe, are outraged, nauseated, horrified, and appalled.

Per commentary underneath the articles in Dutch newspapers.


THEY EAT SEA-DOG! DISGUSTING!

In the eyes of many writers, Canadians are utterly barbaric, why, they're positively Yankee!
And consequently (because of that Yankee-like barbarism), it is right and proper to boycott Canada, write angry letters to their diplomats, scream at Canadians......
Well gosh-darn it, the Canadians are repulsive retrograde inbred morons, vile, filthy, despicable, and white.
Many Dutch people swear that they will never EVER buy anything Canadian again. Nor visit that poxy armpit of a country. EVER.
Because the Canadians eat seal.
Cooked with bacon in a port-wine reduction.


THE FOOD OF THE GODS

What is amusing is that this vituperation is coming from a people that eats smoked horsemeat ('paarden rook vlees'), finely ground cow udders and pig-testicles ('frikandel', as manufactured by the average village butchershop), mystery-meat sludge ('kroket' - usually less than thirty percent animal-derived protein in a grey starchy goo, enrobed with a crispy crunchy outer surface), spoiled lamb meat (ie "shawarma" - often actually pork, which is why the fine gentlemen selling it often won't eat it themselves - the Algemeen Dagblad in several articles over the years has established that whatever meat it is, it is usually not fit for consumption in any case), and several other food products that surely must convince the visitor that the Dutch have an 'interesting and idiosyncratic cuisine' that is entirely their own.
Plus questionable taste.


But nope.

"Canadians are nasty pigs! Savage daemonic pigs! Horrible frightful stone-age pigs! Unfeeling and unwashed brutal pigs! Uncivilized! Un-European!"


It seems rather graceless and ungrateful that the Cheesypoofs ('kaaskoppen') should vociferate so.

The Dutch always insist that it was the Canadians who freed them from the Germans, the Yanks did nothing, those Yanks only joined the war effort when it was immensely profitable to do so, after others had done all the work.......
Yep, the Canadians. The filthy rotten Yanks had NOTHING to do with the liberation of Holland, and probably conspired with the Germans before the war. ONLY the Canadians.

Horrid, horrid Canadians. Bah!

A nice seal chop with bacon and a port-wine reduction sounds absolutely delicious.
Probably goes very well with a crisp cold Heineken.
I really envy the Canadian parliamentarians.

TURKISH OFFENSE

The world has become polarized between straight-talkers and wafflegabbers.
This is best illustrated by recent statements by public figures.



"Mohammad was a pedophile"
---Geert Wilders, Dutch politician and member of parliament.


Mr. Wilders is of course referring to the well-known fact that according to accepted Muslim sources the prophet of Islam consummated his marriage (i.e.: had sexual intercourse) with a nine year old girl. By civilized norms that makes Mohammad a pervert and a rapist.

PEDOPHILIA

The Muslim world does not consider such things perversion, and wholeheartedly approves of several acts which we would consider rape (their treatment of women illustrates that abundantly).
It is also entirely possible that nine-year olds in the Arabian desert are well-developed, spongy, and remarkably big-boned. That may speak in his favour, but it was still child-molestation. PBUH.



"Turkey has been accused of a crime it did not commit"
---Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Turkish goomba and prime minister.


This was the despicable Turk's response to a recent vote in Washington in recognition of Ottoman Turkey trying to exterminate the Armenians during the first world war. The Turks refuse to accept the facts of the matter - precisely like holocaust deniers - and insist that any reference to what happened, no matter how accurate or based on historical evidence, is an evil slander. Because, after all, the descendants of the blood-drinking hordes that swept out of the wastelands cannot possibly be barbarians!

GENOCIDE

The Turks have recalled their ambassador from Washington in outrage at the truth. They are furious that anyone should say anything. There have been protests.


For some reason Geert Wilders, who has an unfortunate but commendable habit of calling a spade a spade, is not popular among many well-meaning and educated individuals in the Western World.

On the other hand, much-admired Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama keenly wish to appease the intemperate Erdogan.


"We do not believe that the full congress will or should act upon that resolution, and we have made that clear to all parties involved"
---Secretary of State Clinton, arguing against the resolution; a performance brilliantly reminiscent of Neville Chamberlain dealing diplomatically with some other bunch of brutes.


Geert Wilders has several times spoken forcefully against admitting Turkey into the EU, most recently at a press conference today in London, where he called Turkish Prime minister Erdogan "a total freak".

Often I find myself disagreeing with Mr. Wilders, and being in reasonable accord with Ms. Clinton and Mr. Obama.

Not now.

Bugger the Turks. Those savages should be kept out of the European Union until they finally admit what they did.
Given how little they can be trusted, and how thoroughly racist and bigoted their depraved society actually is, they should probably be thrown out of NATO. Screw them.
It's time to burn their flag and throw empty beer-bottles at their consulates mangy camels.

DUTCH POLITICAL CHANGES

Election results in the Netherlands are a cause for joy. No, not the results for Geert Wilders' party (PVV), which many Americans seem to favour. But the results for the Socialist Party (SP).

[Geert Wilders is actually a mere blip on the Dutch political scene, not nearly as significant as many non-Dutch think.]


FACTION LEADER KANT.... AND OTHER 'KANTS'

If parliamentary elections were held today, the socialists would loose more than half of their seats, going from one sixth of the parliament to less than ten percent. This per polls conducted in connection with recent municipal elections.

Given that the leaders of the Dutch socialists are evil people who in a just world would be lined up and shot, this is a good thing.

[Leaders of the SP include Agnes Kant (a severe German-born intellectual), Harry van Bommel (a sexual pig known as the 'billenknijper' - the buttock pincher), Jan Marijnsen (a weepy neurotic), Ewout Irgang (aka "loverboy", a particularly treacherous individual), Ronald van Raak (an unimaginative red intellectual of kommisar-type), and of course Anja Meulenbelt...... a rabid and hate-filled anti-Semite married to an Arab medical man - no, NOT Mahmoud az-Zahar, but that's a really good guess. Stuk voor stuk KENML schorem en mede-conspiranten.]



RED SCUM

A more venomous and repulsive lot than the European socialists, the Dutch in particular, would be hard to find. These are the people who applauded the excesses of the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution in China (several million dead), the Cambodian Genocide (millions killed for proper socialist reasons, by reasonably proper socialists), every brutal repression in the communist world, every 'red' war.......
These loathsome Marxists have always backed left-wing atrocities. They still do.
As long as the crime can be explained as a revolutionary act, especially against the United States or Israel, it is golden in their book, no matter how pointless and bloodthirsty.


I can only hope that the SP continues to slide. The Dutch may, in the fullness of time, redeem themselves. Their parliamentary elections are scheduled for June 9th.
With luck the terror-supporting SP will no longer be in the government afterwards.

I do not worry about the 'creeping Islamicization' of Europe, I worry about vile ideologies among the Europeans.
Fortunately Kant and her clique of opportunist scum seem to be self-destructing.
There is still hope.

FURRY SNACK

One of my friends admits that he likes to lie on his couch stroking his snake in the evening.
No, this post isn't about sex.
It's about food.

I'm not sure what kind of snake it is. Non-poisonous, eats every couple of weeks or so. Bright-eyed, affectionate, likes cuddling. That's all I know.

What it eats are mice.


BON APPETIT

My friend was approached recently by two strangers who wanted to give him a mouse.
Not wanting to take just any mouse, he asked them about it.
Turns out they, too have a pet. A cat.

The cat is a young adult who has been indoors all it's life. It sits on the window sill, staring intently at the birds and squirrels in the garden below, tail twitching, eyes following the little creatures, back and forth, back and forth.

So one day they decided to give it what it so clearly needed - a taste of the hunt. And they bought it a food-quality mouse.
They took the mouse home in a box, and as they came in the cat sensed the live beastie in the container and hurried over.
They put the mouse-box down in front of the cat and opened it up. The cat looked inside. The mouse looked at the cat. The cat looked back. Then sat on it's haunches expectantly, not knowing precisely what it should do.
The mouse knew what it wanted to do. It jumped up (mice can leap up over a foot), landed on the carpet, and took off running. The cat promptly sped after it and interdicted it's escape. Then, very gently, carried the mouse over to the box and dropped it back inside, unharmed.

After a tense two or three minutes of cat and mouse glaring at each other, the mouse leapt up again and ran off. The cat captured it again, and dropped it back in the box. Again, unharmed.
After a few minutes, this was repeated.
It happened again several more times that evening, the only harm to the mouse being it's nerves, pride, and a disappointed yearning for freedom.
The cat just would not hurt the mouse, but gently returned it to the box every single time.

The last time, the mouse headed for the closet. The cat caught it just barely before it could escape under a pile of clothes. At that point the owners of the cat decided they had had enough; the cat was dysfunctional.

Which is why the next day they were so pleased to find a snake owner.


FREE AND CLEAN. AND WARM!

Okay, gratis mouse. How can anyone resist that offer? He took the mouse.

On his way home he stopped at a bar. One of the patrons asked what was rattling around in the box. He explained the mouse and it's backstory. When he said he was going to feed the mouse to his snake, one of the other customers started shrieking. No! How inhuman! That mouse has EARNED its freedom! You must set it loose in Golden Gate Park! Woe! Woe! Woe!

My friend tried pointing out that a lab mouse, white and plump, wouldn't last a day on it's own in the park. Heck, not even ten minutes. Some seagull would spot it and swoop down, or a real manly cat (not some wussy apartment feline) would come speeding over, or a dog......

The shrieking patron now started singing "born free" at the top of his lungs. The other drinkers glared at him with disgust. That poor mouse! That heartless man! You beast!

Apparently, according to several people, he should feed his snake tofu. And wheat grass.
If he doesn't, he's going to hell.

"Born freeeeee..., free as the roaring tide, so there's no need to hide...., born freeeeeeeeee!"

My friend hurriedly left before a full-scale riot broke out. He does not want to go back to that bar. He had no idea that so many people would take the side of a rodent.
He feels like he nearly got lynched.

But he says that at least his pet snake likes him, and that is all that matters.

IT'S THE FAULT OF THE JEWS

In a shocking revelation, Dubai authorities yesterday blamed Israel for engineering both the Haiti earthquake on January 12, as well as the more recent Chilean quake on February 27.

"We have identified at least 26 suspects in the technical squad that travelled to South America on fake identities and forged European and Australian passports to cause the disasters", said chief of police Dahi Khalfan Tamim, referring to the members of an alleged hit team that his office avers was dispatched by Israel's Mossad intelligence agency.
General Tamim added "all of the suspects are presently back in Israel".


At a press-conference yesterday evening, Dubai's deputy police chief, major general Khamis Mattar al-Mazeina asserted that 'the perpetrators caused the earthquakes to mask their crimes'.


"Them Yahoods, they were up to no good!"

And further, "there were no signs of resistance shown by the victims", according to al-Mazeina, "their deaths seemed entirely natural, which proves, conclusively proves, the involvement of the Mossad".

Khamis Mattar al-Mazeina has demanded that the International Police Agency (Interpol) issue arrest warrants for the Jews.
According to the deputy police chief "it is high time that the international community deal with this dastardly and far too clever bunch; I cannot for the life of me understand why you people like them better, they're nothing more than a beta version of the Arabs! So go ahead, f*ck all of them! All sixteen million! Clever pricks!"

Shortly afterwards Khamis Mattar al-Mazeina was dragged off by orderlies, while screaming "video tapes, we have video tapes! We SAW a Jew in South America, dammit, we did!"

Subsequent queries regarding the matter have not been answered.

A diplomat close to the authorities in Dubai did, however, inform us that either maj. gen. Khamis Mattar al-Mazeina, or possibly his immediate superior general Dahi Khalfan Tamim, can authoritatively be quoted as saying "I am the eggman, I am the walrus; goo goo ga choo".


The United Nations is expected to issue a resolution condemning Israel later this week.

PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

Much as I do not wish to rub it in, some of you live in truly horrid places.
It has to be said. You do.
And it's really your own fault. Bad karma.

If you live in Spain or France, you had a horrible storm over the weekend.
If you are on the East-Coast, you are intimately acquainted with snow. Deep freezing piles of it. You've had quite the winter, haven't you?
And you Western Europeans, speaking of winter, have really caught it in your long johns.

We haven't had anything like that.
This past weekend was extremely mild.
Warm even.
The yellow acacias are blooming, earlier than ever before. Their anise-like perfume fills the air, carried on a soft breeze. It is very dreamlike.


MILD WEST-COAST WEATHER

Last night, when I left the house for a nightcap, it was warm enough that I did not need a jacket.
So warm, in fact, that there was a lovely naked woman on my bed.

Normally, that woman is IN the bed, wearing jammies, and bellyaching about the cold. But it was far too warm for either of those conditions in our apartment.
I like the change. I could get used to this.


TOO WARM TO EAT PEOPLE

She has hardly mentioned the snow-weasels at all this winter. Apparently the little critters, which she swears exist, haven't migrated south for the season this year. Snow weasels, as is well known (she says), follow trails down from Alaska to feast on warm juicy humans. She insists that the only reason I deny this fact(!) is because I am dry old toad - otherwise I would know!

The preferred victims of snow weasels are nice Cantonese-American girls.
Not cynical middle-aged white gits with bad habits.
This, too, is VERY WELL KNOWN!

When I hear the wind rattling the trees and agitating the window panes, she maintains that that is the sound of snow weasels, clacking their little cutleries and preparing to eat someone.
So cold, so cold!
COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stupid white man, why are you laughing!?!


As I mentioned, she reclined naked on the bed. She glowed. Beautiful indeed.
Had I not been a dry old toad, I should have stayed in.
Instead of going out for a drink.
If this pleasant weather continues, I will probably be at home more.
Much more.
Global warming has benefits.


So, to conclude (and rub it in again), you guys got snow. And wind. And ice. And hail. And storms. And all kinds of nasty.
We got naked women.
Neener, neener, neener.