BIG HEAP OF TOBACCO

A friend mentioned that he was interested in my tobacco posts, and asked if there was any easy way to get at all of them. The reason for his query was probably because of all the other stuff on my blog. Wombats. Zebras. Cantonese teenagers. Existential angst.

Just too much stuff. It gets in the way.

I can understand the complaint, and really do want to cater to the tobacco heads. Who have no interest in anything else.
So I have created a new clickable link on the side-bar ('TOBACCO LIST'), which will always take you directly to this very post.

Which is where you will find links to all tobacco related posts, sporadically updated.


TOBACCO POSTS


1. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/03/new-book.html
March 10, 2006. First tobacco post. I prove myself neurotic.


2. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/03/pipe-tobacco-some-g-l-pease-blends.html
March 24, 2006. Reviewing G.L. Pease tobaccos. Some background information on blending tobaccos. The beginning of my hoarding.


3. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/04/pipe-tobacco-some-dunhill-mixtures.html
APRIL 14, 2006. Rather verbose. Some Dunhill blends reviewed.


4. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/10/standard-english-balkan-blends.html
October 9, 2006. Quite readable, actually. Mention is made of Dunhill, Balkan Sobranie, Rattrays, and stuff like that.


5. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/10/drucquer-sons-ltd-pipe-tobacco-blends.html
Drucquer & Sons, Ltd. A well-known tobacco company that no longer exists, and their blends.
Royal Ransom, Levant, Mixture 805, Trafalgar, Red Lion, Arcadia Mixture, Temple Bar, Inns of Court, Prince's Blend, The Devil's Own, Ye Olde London Baccy, Blairgowrie, St. James.


6. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/10/they-are-beasts.html
A selection of thoroughly spiteful remarks.


7. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/10/not-enough-sleep-and-mouth-that-feels.html
Review of McClelland's No. 25 Virginia.


8. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/01/surfeit-of-pipe-tobacco.html
Gloating about my growing stockpile, and an outdated inventory list.


9. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/03/tobacco-hamsters-and-toads.html
Furry creatures and sweet cheeses in your crotch.


10. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/07/once-more-ancient-fragrance.html
SG 1792 Flake, Erinmore, Troost, Sail, Amphora, Theodorus Niemeyer, and fond memories of vomit. Followed by a favourable review of Cornell & Diehl's Opening Night.


11. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/07/smell-of-jock.html
Rattray' Jocks Mixture.


12. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/07/frighteningly-intelligent-future-pipe.html
Corrupting the young.


13. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/07/four-by-dan.html
Dan Pipe Tobacco: Limerick Virginia Flake, Shannon Sweet & Mellow, Hamborger Veermaster, and Tordenskjold Old Virginia Slices.


14. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/07/dunhill-is-not-dunhill.html
Everything I want you to know about Dunhill. You want to know it too.


15 http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/08/let-us-fume.html
GLP's Westminster, Cornell & Diehl's Opening Night and Manhattan Afternoon.
Not quite the coming of the Messiah, but darn close.


16 http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/08/pipe-smoking-advice.html
Pipesmoking pointers. Especially useful for teenage Cantonese-American females that wish to take up the noble habit (that precisely being a fond fantasy of mine).
Hello young lady, can I offer you some baccy?


17. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/08/red-rapparee-samarra.html
Red Rapparee and Samarra


18. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/08/current-leaves.html
Yenidje Highlander, by McClelland. Manhattan Afternoon, by Cornell & Diehl. Durbar Mixture, by Dunhill. Dunhill Light Flake. Frog Morton's Across the Pond. Kensington, by G. L. Pease. Bla bla bla.


19. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/08/three-latakia-macbaren-hh-vintage.html
MacBaren's HH Vintage Syrian, G. L. Pease's Kensington, Peterson's Old Dublin. Descriptions and reviews.


20. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/09/fermented-skunk-parts.html
Clan Pipe Tobacco. Some men are whores.


21. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/10/smell-that-son-its-smell-of-freedom.html
Gibbering, followed by a review of INDEPENDENCE, by DAN Tobacco. Degeneracy, depravity, and perversions - all of which have their place in the well-ordered life.


22. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/11/it-smells-like-victory.html
Nasty Dutchmen, unwashed sweaters, and Balkan Sobranie Mixture.


23. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2007/12/youthful-fragrance.html
Boasting about coming darn close to duplicating Balkan Sobranie plus teenage girls.


24. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/02/maltese-falcon-by-glpease.html
Review of G. L. Pease's Maltese Falcon.


25. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/03/charing-cross-mixture-by-g-l-pease.html
Review of G. L. Pease's Charing Cross Mixture.


26. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/05/smelling-like-pervert.html
Evocative of prostitution and disease.


27. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/06/three-tobaccos-and-something-about.html
Cheap Dutchmen and three tobaccos: Peterson's Sherlock Holmes Mixture, Roanoke by Grant's in SF, The Balkan Sasieni Smoking Mixture.


28. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/smells-like-old-lady.html
1792 FLAKE by Samuel Gawith & Co. Ltd.


29. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/smells-like-school-girl-smells-like.html
Penguins, wombats, parsees and rabbis ..... plus Sail Natural: Smooth Dutch Cavendish made by Theodorus Niemeyer.


30. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/transvestite-nightmare.html
A German-Irish degenerate: foul sex-funk among the tobaccos. Shannon.
Forty comments.


31. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/key-largo-by-g-l-pease-good-pipe-blend.html
Key Largo reviewed.


32. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/further-notes-regarding-key-largo.html
Key Largo, segue into Balkan Sobranie No. 10.


33. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-dalliance-with-trollop.html
Erinmore Flake - with a slight Rabbinic touch.


34. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/mcclelland-blackwoods-flake.html
If you liked aged pressed Virginias like Rattray's Old Gowrie or Marlin Flake, you may also like McClelland's Blackwoods Flake.


35. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/some-say-it-smells-like-underwear.html
Balkan Sobranie discussed, then other Balkans, as well as blending and stoving.


36. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/balkan-sobranie-postscript.html
I just won't shut up about the subject of Balkan Sobranie, good lord I'm a bore. This is a very long post packed with information.


37. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/change-of-pace-one-slutty-little.html
FOUNDERS RESERVE - THE MALTHOUSE Tobacco Manufactory by Dan Tobacco. Perfect for socializing with lesbians.


38. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/boring-tobacco-post.html
Maryland ribbons: Troost Baai by Van Rossem, Vier Heeren Baai by Theodorus Niemeyer, Voortrekker by Theodorus Niemeyer, Echte Baai Tabak by Erven De Weduwe Van Nelle, and Echte Friesche Heeren Baai by Douwe Egberts.


39. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/tawdry-old-tart.html
Erinmore Mixture. Ick, poo.


40. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/good-latakia-dump.html
Samuel Gawith's Commonwealth - Full Strength Mixture.


41. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/degenerate-man-of-god.html
Public School perversions and whipping naughty girls. Presbyterian Mixture.


42. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/08/john-cotton-fine-old-reek.html
John Cotton. And comparisons.


43. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/10/something-smelly-this-way-comes.html
Smoking Balkans, blending your own, and top-notch Lebanese hasheesh.


44. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/10/blowing-smoke-dunhill-durbar-mixture.html
Dunhill's Durbar Mixture. And a sweet young thing.


45. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/11/real-choices-in-this-election.html
Samuel Gawith's interpretation of the term Balkan. Hmmph!


46. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/11/astleys-no-99-full-latakia-mixture.html
Ashley's No. 99 Royal Tudor. Reviewed and in context.


47. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/02/something-he-said.html
"...when the conditions are right - dry Latakia tobacco, humidity in the air, and a certain light - I can still hear the clack of chess pieces, hear the flick of one page, as he reviews the games of the masters."


48. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/03/good-brown-flake.html
Full British flakes, and McClelland's Navy Cavendish reviewed.


49. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/03/drunken-excess-in-kendal.html
Latakia and teenage boys. Gawith Hoggarth Balkan Mixture.


50. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/04/christian-anti-smoker.html
In which this blogger shows his tolerance.


51. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/05/stinky-whore.html
The nastiest pipe tobacco ever. I bought a tin.


52. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/05/four-tobaccos.html
Odyssey and Samarra by G. L. Pease, something from the local tobacconist, and one of my own.


53. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/07/afrikaner-smoke-clouds.html
South African pipe tobaccos: Piet Retief, Best Blend, and Mild Gold.
Black & White, Giraffe, and Nineteen O'Four.
Assegai, Fox, Horseshoe, and Jock.


54. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/07/fragrant-concubine.html
About sex and nuzzling.


55. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/08/poncy-pleasure.html
Bengal Slices, Balkan Sobranie, and Samuel Gawith's Balkan Flake.


56. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/09/unwashed-flatulent-peasant-with-hint-of.html
It stinks. Not bad.


57. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/09/international-tobacconist-conspiracy.html
Mail order, Dunhill, Arcadia, and gloating.


58. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/09/nasty-hot-twiggy-bizarre-nauseating.html
The mystery-meat of tobaccos.


59. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/10/hobbit-smoke-virginia-woods.html
Virginia Woods by McClelland.


60. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/11/nasty-smelly-scots.html
Ugly people in kilts.


61. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/11/musical-interlude.html
Opera.


62. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/12/no-panties-left-behind.html
Balkan Sobranie, mushrooms, and no sex at all. Just move along now, nothing to see here.


63. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/01/pipe-smoking-for-young-ladies.html
Nice Cantonese-American girls and a review of Samuel Gawith's St. James Flake. Which is a very good choice, if you are a nice Cantonese-American girl who is thinking of taking up smoking.


64. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/01/ennerdale-flake.html
In which the word 'dubious' never once appears.


65. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/01/open-mouthed-pleasures.html
The misspent youth revisited.


66. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/02/tobacco-companies-tobacco-blends.html
Dunhill, Rattrays, Samuel Gawith, Gawith Hogarth, Murrays, Germain, Balkan Sobranie. Plus GLPease, Cornell & Diehl, McClelland.
The Balkan Sobranie Mixture is described in brief, suggestions for blending a Balkan mixture are given.


67. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/04/three-oaks.html
Three Oaks - McClelland and Ted Gage. A truly excellent blend. My significant other might disagree. I am still smoking in the kitchen.


68. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/04/smell-my-fingers.html
This is what Jerusalem should smell like.


69. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/05/tempting-youth.html
Helping a young gentleman buy a pipe.


70. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/07/clean-wholesome-habits-only.html
What type of pipe tobacco should a Cantonese girl smoke? Well, that depends on what kind of person she is.


71. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/07/lightheaded-and-thinking-of-rodents.html
The flavouring added to 1792 Flake - tonquin oil. Which contains Coumarin.
It is not good for you. But it is very good.


72. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/08/real-lumberjack.html
Introduction to a Lakeland abortion. Actually damned fine stuff.
Though I may be the only person with that opinion.


73. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/08/if-it-smells-like-underwear_09.html
Well, what do odd aromatics smell like to you?


74. "http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2010/08/stinking-rich.html
Hoarding pipe tobacco.


75. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/02/pipe-smoking-ladies.html
Some people look for love in all the wrong places. Here, for instance.


76. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/02/dominican-glory-maduro-good-for-middle.html
A flake with cigar leaf by McClelland.


77. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/03/blakeneys-best.html
Four McClelland tobaccos reviewed.


78. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/03/teenage-pipe-smokers.html
An internet fetish fêted.


79. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/05/overwhelmingly-putrid.html
Clan Pipe Tobacco by Theodorus Niemeyer, reviewed as favourably as possible.


80. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/05/always-smells-like-pipe.html
Personal perfumes, separately remembered. Yours too.


81. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/06/drucquer-sons-ltd-berkeley-institution.html
Drucquer & Sons in Berkeley, Blend 805, Greg Pease, Robert Rex.


82. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/06/gracefully-fuming.html
Young ladies and the charming smells of pipe tobacco. Soggy cardboard?


83. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/07/hello-kitty-smoking-tobacco.html
What would Hello Kitty Pipe Tobacco smell like?
Probably shredded non-smoker, with a top-dressing of fruit.


84. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/07/balkan-sobranie.html
A quick descriptive guide to the main Balkan Sobranie White Mixture posts, with a note on blending.


85. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/07/pipesmoking-poet-willem-godschalk-van.html
Holland's famous poet pipesmoker: Godschalk van Focquenbroch.


86. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/07/wilderness-blend-for-forest-creatures.html
Fred Hanna's fine mixture of Latakia, Turkish, and Virginia. Full and creamy.
Very well balanced, a harmonious blend.


87. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/08/triple-play-by-g-l-pease-plug-from-new.html
One of Greg's plug tobaccos which provides a full-bodied but extremely enjoyable smoke.
Suitable for big butch men, or small fierce wildcats.
Fresh-faced juveniles might want to dabble carefully.


88. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/08/solomons-presbyterian-mixture-by-planta.html
Another review of Presbyterian, three years after my first description of that product. If you smoke this, your wife will hate you.
But you probably won't mind, obviously her tastes are odd.
Turkish (Macedonian), and Latakia, on top of Virginias.


89. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/08/jacknife-plug-by-g-l-pease-rowboats.html
GLPease's Jacknife Plug. Excellent stuff.


90. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/08/st-bruno-flake-and-irritating-egg.html
A British classic reviewed. What your favourite uncle probably smelled like, if he didn't smoke Balkan Sobranie.


91. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/08/blue-mountain-pipe-tobacco.html
Review of McClelland's translation of the old Balkan Sobranie Mixture 759 (black label).


92. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/09/fit-pipe-tobacco-for-sexual-deviants.html
Perfumed perversions: Grousemoor, Sherlock Holmes, DaVinci, and Blue Note. The latter two induce spontaneous abortions in sensitive folks.
Even those who lack a womb.


93. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/09/yenidje.html
What is Yenidje? Besides legendary? Balkan Sobranie's most lauded ingredient.


94. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/09/arcadia-mcclelland.html
Review of Arcadia by McClelland. Naturally, also mention of Craven A.
And the term 'gavniyok'.


95. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/balkan-sobranie-is-back.html
The return of a beloved pipe tobacco heralded.


96. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/balkan-sobranie-2011-arango-and.html
The new version of Balkan Sobranie favourably reviewed.


97. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/nice-girls-nasty-tobacco-and-prawn.html
Possibly a pipe-smoking pervert in Yorkshire.


98. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/germains-brown-flake-warm-wet-summer.html
J. F. Germain and Son: Brown Flake. This is very nice.


99. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/rattrays-hal-o-wynd.html
Review of Rattray's Hal O'The Wynd, manufactured in Germany.
With a personal reminiscence.


100. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2011/11/this-way-to-fairly-pointless-gloat-poem.html
A modest bit of gloating. About Balkan Sobranie by Germains and Arango.


101. http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2012/01/balkan-sobranie-article-by-g-l-pease.html
Greg Pease wrote an article about Balkan Sobranie. Reflections thereon, as well as a brief excursion into age, Latakia, and presently unavailable blending components.
I recommend that you read Greg's article - a link is provided in the post.


119080
Click on any of the labels below for more.


Aromatic blends, Balkan blends, Balkan Sobranie, BLEND REVIEW, Cornell and Diehl, FLAKE, GLP, McClelland, Pipes and tobacco, Smoke


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LEARNING DUTCH - JANUARY 27, 2010

[Fourth installment of an ongoing series (the previous installments can be seen here:
JAN 24 , JAN 18, and JAN 15.). This episode deals with gaiety in Dutch society.]

An article in the Dutch press mentions that a gentleman carrying the "wrong" shopping bag was beaten up by two men.
The incident occurred as the victim was leaving the shop 'Gays & Gadgets' on the Spui Straat with a purchase. Two persons described as young men accosted him verbally, then physically pushed him around. He used his cell phone afterwards to call the police - whereupon the two men returned and proceeded to viciously kick and punch him, even after he had fallen to the ground.
The victim has been hospitalized.

SOURCE:
http://www.telegraaf.nl/binnenland/5893212/__Man_mishandeld_om__homotasje___.html?p=13,2

The assault happened right in the centre of the city - the Spui Straat runs parallel to the Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal, the shop mentioned is less than three minutes walking distance from the Dam Square in one direction, or the Central Station in the other direction, it is right in between the Kortekorsjespoortsteeg and the Lijnbaansteeg. The area is a popular shopping and nightlife locale.

The victim is fifty years old.
The attackers are young men, maybe even juveniles, and possibly of Moroccan extraction.
The time was early evening.
The location is one of the busiest parts of the city, with a greater police-presence than almost anywhere else in town.

Oh, and by the way - though the newspaper informs us that he is straight, the victim was attacked for being perceived to be homosexual.
But his sexual proclivities are not material. Or at least, should not be an issue in so liberated a country as the Netherlands.

[The Netherlands is among the top destinations world-wide for sex-tourists, and all manner of sexualities are enthusiastically indulged - see this post:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/09/dutch-sexual-nuts.html .
People can get beaten up for any reason in Amsterdam; one can get beaten up for being gay, for being Moroccan or American, looking at someone funny, or even, if you can imagine it, for being Jewish - see:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/10/he-probably-deserved-it-he-was-wearing.html.
But as there are far more gays than Jews in post-war Holland, getting beaten up for being gay does seem to be more common.... see item no. 2 in this post:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/07/western-european-excellence.html .
A good sound thrashing is a very Dutch solution to anything that ails you, often called 'een goed pak slaag' or 'een schop onder de kont'.]



NEWSPAPER READERS REACT

The comments underneath the news article are potent indicators of a society quite different from our own.
I have taken three to stand in for all of them.

Example no. 1.
"Mijn kop eraf als dit geen homo is, maar nu moet hij wat rechtbreien voor zijn vrouw. Hij kocht gewoon een valentijns kadootje voor zijn vriend, homosexualiteit is verwerpelijk en ronduit walgelijk, deze viespeuk heeft een onwetende vrouw thuiszitten die nu risico loopt allerlei vieze ziektes op te lopen."
koos rademakers, amsterdam 21:35 27.01.10

Translation: 'My head off if this ain't a homo, but now he has something to knit straight for his woman. He simply bought a Valentine's present for his friend, homosexuality is reprehensible and all-round loathsome, this filthy bugger has an unknowing wife sitting at home who is now at risk of all manner of filthy diseases.'

Commentary: Mr. Koos Rademakers does not seem concerned about the assault, and wishes to jump to conclusions unsupported by any evidence. His spitefulness towards gays is, in the context of a hate-crime, both misplaced and a perfect illustration of the problem. His comment is a classic example of blaming the victim as well as of bigoted thinking - tendencies still common in old-world circles; the Dutch police standardly caution Jews and foreigners to stop being so provocative.
Given the prevalence of people like Mr. Koos Rademakers that is sage advice.

NOTES: To knit something straight (iets recht breien) colourfully expresses the effort required in constructing a believable excuse.
Verwerpelijk means rejectable, repulsive, to be disdained.
Viespeuk literally means a filthy butt-end of something. A peuk is commonly a cigarette butt, of which there are numerous examples on Dutch streets now that smoking in bars and cafes is outlawed, just like in California.


Example no. 2.
"Hoe kun je als blanke man de gemeente Amsterdam om hulp vragen. De prioriteiten van deze discriminerende gemeente liggen bij andere bevolkingsgroepen. Ook Guusje Ter Horst heeft in haar politiekorps een voorkeur voor gekleurde mannen en vrouwen. Dit is de officiele PvdA lijn."
Andre, Leimuiden 21:40 27.01.10

Translation: 'How can you as a white man (ever) ask the city of Amsterdam for assistance? The priorities of this discriminatory municipality lie with other ethnicities. Even Guusje Ter Horst has a preference for coloured men and women in her police force. This is the official Labour Party program.'

Commentary: There is a perception in the Netherlands that 'those folks' are coddled more than 'us white natives', and that this is the fault of the Labour Party. In actual fact, given that not being lily-white in the Netherlands always marks you as neither 'really Dutch' nor 'our kind of people', and because of research that has shown that all else being equal, the person with the Dutch name gets the job-interview and the apartment, I find it hard to support this point of view.
Having lived over there as an American, I do not consider the position of outsider in Dutch society very coddled.

NOTES: Moroccans get blamed for everything that is wrong in Dutch society, precisely like Jews and Catholics once were castigated. There are still a large number of Catholics in the Netherlands, but they have been politically emancipated in the last three or four generations, and nowadays it would be politically incorrect to blame them for anything.
Especially now that they are considered equally Dutch and human.

Guusje Ter Horst is the minister of the interior in the current government. She too is blamed for everything that is wrong in Dutch society. To the best of my knowledge she is not of Moroccan extraction.


Example no. 3.
"Ik zelf als homo moet er een beetje om lachen dat een hetero door een andere hetero door een inschattingsfout in elkaar wordt geslagen. Maar dit geeft mij wel reden om een hetero die mij zou slaan omdat ik homo ben, in zelfverdediging te gaan en hem helemaal terug kapot zou slaan, hier wordt ik agressief van. En ik zal vast niet de enige zijn, niet alle homos zijn zo lief. Dit gaat nog es goed fout."
Frank de Vries, Eindhoven 21:50 27.01.10

Translation 'I myself as a homo have to laugh a little bit that a hetero got beaten up by another hetero because of a wrong assumption. But this verily does give me a reason to thoroughly beat the crap out of a hetero who might assault me in self-defense, I really get aggressive from this. And I am probably not the only one, not all homos are so sweet. This will go seriously wrong at some point.'

Commentary: Mr. DeVries in Eindhoven seems to have a streak of schadenfreude a mile wide, and a keen (albeit insane) appreciation of the entertainment-value of bloodshed.
I would caution my readers not to jump to any conclusions about the good people of Eindhoven based on his example. Most of them are quite decent, although, as Brabanders, they do represent a more primitive Netherlandish stratum - what George Bush Sr. might have called 'a kinder, gentler' Dutchness.

NOTES: Brabanders, per the scribe of Paris five centuries ago, were "men of blood - brigands, rapists, and incendiarists". At that time they were also notorious mercenaries. They are no longer mercenary. At least not so much.
Eindhoven, in the Kempen region, is a dreary industrial city near the Belgian border, hometown of an electronics firm of some note.



AFTERTHOUGHT

There are times when reading the Dutch newspapers convinces me that the Netherlands is far more dangerous than San Francisco. Certainly more violent.
But that perception is deceptive, the two are not comparable.
The Netherlands is more densely populated than the United States, and Dutch urban areas are neither in composition, nor hinterland served, equivalents of American metropoles. Certainly San Francisco north of Market Street is safer than Amsterdam or Rotterdam - but there are parts of the Bay Area which at times resemble a war zone, whereas the two Dams are actually somewhat quieter than the Bay Area taken as a whole.

OPEN MOUTHED PLEASURES

When I first returned to California (in 1978) there were three tobacconists in Berkeley and more than a dozen in San Francisco. This was good.
There were, however, only one or two cafes in Berkeley, and outside of North Beach virtually none in San Francisco. This was not good.
At that time it was comparatively easy to lay one's hands on excellent pipe-tobacco, but finding a decent cup of coffee required the dedicated single-mindedness of a mediaeval pilgrim.
Yes, most pipe smokers smoked crap - but fine Latakia blends were nevertheless widely available.
Beyond the immediate vicinity if the Caffe Trieste, the Roma, and Peet's Coffee and Tea in Berkeley, a good cup of Joe was impossible to find. Americans drank blackened bilge-water.


They still do. I shall not mention that outfit from Seattle - they've done more to ruin coffee than any other company.

Smoking is no longer acceptable.

Oral gratification has seriously fallen on hard times.



TASTES BOTH DARK AND DUTCH

The Netherlands had great coffee (it's still decent), and was close enough to England that acquiring a tin of fine tobacco did not present much of a problem. At most a matter of logistics.
[Of course it still is as close to England as it was then - but there are far fewer manufacturers of fine tobacco in Britian than once there were. The logistics have gotten far far worse.]

One of my fondest memories of Valkenswaard was playing hooky from high-school on rainy days, and spending hours seated at a table at one of the cafe terraces on the market square, reading, smoking, and swilling coffee. Like all students I was eternally short of funds. This necessitated dawdling over my cup so as not to exhaust my resources. But the plus-side was that the proprietor would ignore me - people who do not order do not require much attention, and there were seldom any other customers seated under the deep awnings in the middle of the day. Certainly no other students giving class a miss.

Things are quieter and gentler during rainy days, and hiding out at a cafe is far better than bicycling several miles to school. Far better to relax, drink coffee, and enjoy the rain-grayed scenery seen through haze.


The Netherlands is a very pleasant place at times, especially in spring and early autumn.
I read all of Shakespeare while smoking and swilling coffee.
All of Wordsworth. All of Coleridge. All of Tennyson. All of Keats, Shelly, and Byron. Then I took a dislike of the romantic poets, and switched my reading to Kipling, Nabokov, and Simenon.
I got so much reading done that I am surprised I ever graduated from high-school.


It is rainy-ish outside right now. But not cold. Not as cold as it was last week. There is a pouch of fragrant tobacco on my desk, and there are several briars to choose from.
If there were any cafe terraces where I could smoke, I would fake stomach flu right now and spend the rest of the afternoon reading....... occasionally looking out over streets softened and made gentle to the eyes by the moist weather.

THE JEW DESPITE HIMSELF

Yesterday evening I had a drink or two at a local watering hole.
I really should have had a drink or two before I even went there.........

Two of the regular customers were loudly upset that a third regular customer had used the word 'bitch' in oblique reference to one of them who had interrupted his conversation with a fourth regular customer.....
Additionally, they were disgruntled with a fifth regular customer who had tried to explain the context.


"HE'S JUST BROKEN UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND, SO DON'T BE A BITCH"

I will assume that the up-with-broken girlfriend is, in fact, also a regular customer. Who may or may not be a bitch in some ways. But probably not a dog. Given that a large number of the regular customers at that bar are more than passing superficial.

Some regular customers are also serious alcoholics, as was quite evident yesterday evening.
Not only all of the people involved in the bitch issue, also many others. The staff from a restaurant around the corner come in regularly after work to drink themselves blotto, as well as waiters and bartenders from several other places. There are also the artistic types - they're always drunk.
Plus fans of the Phillies, the Eagles, and other has-been sports teams or rock groups.

Being a very moderate drinker, I only go there for the drama.

I had intended to leave after only one drink - but the natives were so lively that I had five more.


SIDI ABOU SAKRAN

The evening ended for me when a wasted Mediterranean type, having lost the attention of the drunkards to his left, turned around and tried to engage me in conversation.

I answered him in Dutch, as a subtle hint that whatever he wished to discuss might not interest me. After ten minutes of talking back at him in Dutch it finally dawned on him that I was speaking some unintelligible foreign language. Much to my surprise he pegged it as Ivrit - I never thought any of the customers had even heard of Ivrit.
He then postulated loudly that I was from Jerusalem, which was obvious! This got the attention of several of the drunken bitch customers, who agreed that I was speaking Ivrit. QED.
Except for one who identified it as French.

According to the very drunken Mediterranean person, I should've just come clean and admitted being a Jew instead of so deviously hiding it by speaking Ivrit.
He slurred this very sincerely several times.
I responded, again in Dutch, that he was an intoxicated fruitloop who needed to make an appointment at a dry-out clinic as soon as possible.
Telling him so was also a Jewish thing to do. As it turns out.
Extrrrrremely Jewish.


The point of no conversational return had been reached.


Maintaining the mask of being densely foreign, when I left I cheerily told the bartender in Dutch that I'd see him next Sunday. In as heavy an accent as he could muster, he wished me a "mazel-tov skoal heineken" in return.

Somebody with a Mediterranean accent slurred 'shalom' as the door closed.

LEARNING DUTCH - JANUARY 24, 2010

Anyone who uses the internet is aware that while knowledge is now available to more people than at any previous point in human history, there is also much more paranoid nonsense that ropes in the weak-minded.
Just because you find it on the web does not mean that it is true, believable, or even sane.

The Netherlands is on par with the United States as far as being connected is concerned.
As many Dutch as Americans have access to the internet, and make energetic use of that access.
Predictably, the same proportion of them are quite as sensible and well-grounded as Americans.


By which I mean that a fair number are loopy, many even barking mad.
Utterly insane.
Stark ... raving ... gaaaaaaaaaaaa!



NIET-SPOREND NEDERLANDS
[Unbalanced Netherlandish.]

Consider this lovely comment underneath an article about the danger of an imminent Al Qaeda attack in De Telegraaf:
"Allemaal lariekoek! Propaganda van de corrupte Amerikaanse regering. Bin Laden is een nepfiguur. De Ladens waren kennissen van de familie Bush. Al-Qaeda is de CIA! Dus aanslagen worden gepleegd door Amerika zelf onder leiding van de nieuwe wereldorde! Dit allemaal om de wapenindustrie draaiende te houden en oorlogen te kunnen voeren!"

[Translation: Complete poppycock! Propaganda from the corrupt American government. Bin Laden is a figmentary figure. The Ladens were acquaintances of the Bush family. Al Qaeda is the CIA! So attacks are committed by America themselves under the leadership of the new world order. All to keep the weapons industry running and to wage war!"]


Source:
http://www.telegraaf.nl/buitenland/5869551/___Aanslag_al-Qaeda_ophanden___.html?p=14,1


There are a number of other comments there which echo this meshune fantasy. The usual anti-Americanism is present in the comment string, as well as a leavening of anti-Semitism (the only pan-European ideology since communism).
Also evident is a justifiable cynicism.
But the dominant theme is that it is all manipulation anyhow, and that Americans planned the attack on the World Trade Center and subsequent acts of terrorism.

As this lovely opinion makes clear:
"Misschien blazen de Amerikanen weer een paar towers op."

[Translation: Maybe the Americans will blow up another pair of towers.]


One commenter perfectly expresses modern European paranoid skepticism:
"Heel het terrorisme gebeuren is een complot van het Westen en Amerika om zo geld te kunnen verdienen. Bin Laden is een produkt die door de Amerikanen op de wereld is gezet. Islam terrorisme bestaat niet."

[Translation: The entire terrorist happening is a plot of the Western World and America to make money. Bin Laden is a product that the Americans brought into the world. Islamic terrorism doesn't exist.]


Another comment forcefully emphasizes that point:
"Typisch Amerika, om valse angst/paniek te zaaiën!"

[Translation: Typical (of) America, spreading false panic!]


Not all of the comments reflect that sour attitude of disbelief - though, typically Dutch, they are nevertheless sour:
"Heeft Bin Laden de aanslag op Haiti ook al opgeeist ? Wat moet die zuurkoolbaard nu nog doen om in vergelijking hiermee nog een beetje indruk te maken?"

[Translation: Has Bin Laden claimed credit for the attack on Haiti yet? What does that sauerkraut-beard have to do in order to make any impression in comparison with that?]



SAUERKRAUT BEARDS AND RED HERRINGS

Despite the prevalence of terms such as New-World Order, Illuminati, Bush Conspiracy, American Propaganda, and CIA, however, it isn't all anti-Yank agitation underneath that article. A fair number of comments are either pro-American or anti-Moslem, several are quite rational (!), and small number express sober apathy.

The most salient characteristic of the nearly one hundred comments is that many (most) of the writers are guilty of spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, as well as throwing syntactical misapprehension around like a pimp spreading nooky.
Likewise, capitalization and punctuation are as missing in action as logic.

If this is the fruit of a modern education, the noble language of Brederode and Vondel is in serious trouble. There may not be enough critical mass to keep it alive.

[I will freely admit that proper spelling, grammar, syntax, etcetera are not my constant companions. But an at-least passing adherence to the rules makes one's assertions more palatable than the appalling lapses and lacunae which the paranoid commit.]


While one might make similar observations about English-language internet commentary, the situation is not entirely comparable. A greater tendency to recognize crap and call the creators on it, as well as a massive influx of talented foreigners deserting their native tongues for English, ensures that Shakespeare's language will continue to thrive. Our bookshelves are littered with non-Anglo-Saxon nomens, the possessors of which have vastly enriched our knowledge and literature by writing in our language.

The same of course can be said for Dutch bookshelves..... a surfeit of foreign authors and their books in English.

-------------------------------------------

AFTERWORD

Multiple errors in the Dutch texts cited above have been corrected - spelling and capitalization in particular. This was done to improve readability.
Syntax, grammar, and logical flaws have been scrupulously undisturbed, as it would be dishonest to improve upon the thought processes illustrated, and doing so might even be considered a form of censorship.
We do not censor. Stultorum infinitus numerus est, as their own words must show.

WESTBORO BAPTISTS EN-ROUTE TO CIVILIZATION

A while back I posted about the Westboro Baptist Church visiting certain neighborhoods on the East-Coast. Which was very exciting, and in some ways cleansing.

[http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/09/westboro-baptist-church-planning-anti.html]



NOW IT'S OUR TURN!

The Westboro Baptist Church intends to visit the San Francisco Bay Area next week, and oooooh Nellie! are they steamed.

According to their website, they have a very busy schedule. Over a dozen places that NEED their kind attention, with the sowing of venom and the wheeping and the wailing and the angry vituperating and the gnashing of teeth ........

Should be fun for the entire family.



DATES AND TIMES:
[Lifted (with texts) from the WBC website: god hates fags dot com.]

01/28/2010 12:15 PM - 12:45 PM San Francisco, CA
Contemporary Jewish Museum ...
01/28/2010 1:10 PM - 1:40 PM San Francisco, CA
ADL San Fran style - You liars are leading bros to hell! 720 Market St You got a problem with WBC telling people what the Bible says on the subject of Jesus Christ, the fact that Jews Killed Jesus and that unless they repent of that crime they can NEVER see the Kingdom of Heaven? Too stinking bad. ...
01/28/2010 1:50 PM - 2:20 PM San Francisco, CA
JCC San Fran Style - Jews are Fags Really, 2 True! 3200 California St. WBC will have signs of truth and warning for these rebels who enable sin all around the world! Zionist freaks: It's NOT your land! What did you steal that land for? Give it back! God Hates Thieves! Thou Shalt Not Steal! Thous Shalt Not Kill! Why you tell the fags they're all good? God Hates Fag Enablers. Notice that murders and thieves know they have no moral authority to tell fags they cannot do what they are doing. These modern Jews are like their spiritual forefathers who told the tribe of Benjamin to let Sodomites rule in their land. ...
01/28/2010 3:20 PM - 3:50 PM San Francisco, CA
Lowell High School - SCHMOOZE FOR JEWS? Tell 'em truth! 1101 Eucalyptus Dr. WBC needs to come and show the little brutes what you all have failed to show them - OBEY GOD! ...
01/28/2010 7:20 PM - 8:00 PM San Francisco, CA
Golden Gate Theatre Fiddler on Roof - Your Traditions SUCK! 1 Taylor St WBC has their own little version of the song from this very musical. Traditions! That is what the Lord Jesus Christ focused on, and you know that. ...
01/29/2010 07:25 AM - 07:55 AM Palo Alto, CA
Gunn High School - Two words Kevin Jennings, hollar! 780 Arastradero Rd When you look at the good for nothing youth of California, what do you think? No brains, no truth, no life, no love for their neighbors! Therefore, WBC is determined that each place we go, all the children who you adults have lied to to, get this message: TWO WORDS define Antichrist Obama's "Education Plan", to wit: KEVIN JENNINGS, United States Education Czar. This fag who started GSAs and GLSEN Organizations all across DOOMED america. ...
01/29/2010 08:10 AM - 08:40 AM Palo Alto, CA
Stanford University Hillel - Hillel was pervert & in hell! 565 Mayfield Ave WBC needs to have a few words with these young people because all of the people who ever had any influence over them - LIED! What did you do that for? Why did you lie to those kids. ...
01/29/2010 10:00 AM - 10:30 AM San Francisco, CA
Congregation Beth Israel & Day School - Rabbis Rape Boys! 625/655 Brotherhood Way You pretentious Jews are in BIG trouble, and WBC has the duty - job really - to tell you about it. Once upon a time a Messiah came to this world to redeem the elect children. Although it was in FACT needful for him to die on the cross in order to pay that ransom, that does NOT take the responsibility for His death off of the backs of the Jews. Check it out, you lying hypocrites who pretend you can blame Pilate and the Romans who handed the Lord Jesus over to those brutal, fag Roman officers. ...
01/29/2010 11:00 AM - 11:30 AM San Francisco, CA
Jewish News Weekly of Northern California - God H8s Liars! 225 Bush St., Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. ...
01/29/2010 11:45 AM - 12:15 AM San Francisco, CA
United States District Court - Justice For NONE, Fag'nablers 450 Golden Gate Ave WBC will enter that cursed land, again, and will step lightly. We are not encumbered with the baggage you all have. ...
01/29/2010 2:10 PM - 2:40 PM San Francisco, CA
Jewish Community High School of the Bay - No Hopes 4 U kids 1835 Ellis St. Listen up, you large group of rebellious BRATS: Obama hates you and will happily slaughter you on the alter of his campaign to become King of the World (do you see him posturing after that Haiti disaster? - forerunner I tell you). ...
01/29/2010 3:00 PM - 3:30 PM San Francisco, CA
George Washington High School - No Jobs For U Kids! 600 32nd Ave. WBC will do our duty to your children and come tell them a few facts, to wit: A) Your parents hate you; B) They and your teachers/instructors have lied to you from a real young age; C) You have no jobs in your future; D) Obama hates you; E) You will eat your babies. ...
01/29/2010 6:50 PM - 7:30 PM San Francisco, CA
The Randall Museum Theatre - Rent - stop lying to each other 199 Museum Way So, you think you can take fire into your belly and not get burned? You uptight white bread brats are putting on a production of Rent, huh? What do you spoiled Richy Rich brats know about having to rent anything? When Obama is done with you idiots, you will really hope you COULD rent something. ...

Source:
http://www.godhatesfags.com/schedule.html


My guess is that they won't make even half of their protest-appointments, and that they will loose at least two members to drugs and prostitutes while in San Francisco. Or three, if there are more than ten of them visiting.

If any Westboro Baptists run off to join the circus (or a gay revue), I shan't be a bit surprised - we have that effect on people.

Please note: I did not bother spellchecking this piece before posting it, seeing as over eighty percent of the text here is taken from the Westboro Baptists.
Spellcheck seems rather pointless in some cases, don't you agree?

------------------------------------------------

By the way - some people have suggested that the very reverend Fred Phelps is actually Satan's younger brother...... and I'll admit that the family resemblance is striking. Still, given that that would mean that unnatural sex between a daemon and rednecked troll could actually yield viable offspring (most of the very reverend Fred Phelps' flock are his 'children' and other blood-kin), I really must smack that rumour firmly down.
In point of fact, there is no Satan, and there are no actual trolls.
There is only Fred Phelps. And that is enough.

IT'S NOT A CAREER, IT'S A LIFE-STYLE

People who inhabit sales and marketing departments are almost by definition defective. This is NOT a generalization, there are NO exceptions.
And no, I have absolutely no intention of arguing with you about it.
If you think I'm wrong, you are obviously in denial, and I shall worry about your sanity.
In addition to your several career-related personality flaws.

Instead, I wish to dwell on the perfection of people who are naturally drawn towards such stimulating fields as accounting or engineering, and how much we have to suffer because of all you detail-disoriented people. Your neediness around tax-time doesn't make up for it. We are in agony.
If you lot actually paid attention, you would know this.


We are the ones who consider the consequences. We see the flaws in your arguments. We can predict the ill-effects of your brash optimism and the stupid ideas that you moot at meetings.


And, speaking of meetings, why do you people always call so many of them? Nothing worthwhile gets said .... often at very great length. By sales and marketing types.
Listening to optimistic tweetering is NOT productive. Data and information are best exchanged one-on-one, or via well-written prose.
Positive noise from some anally non-retentive junior-executive can not equal a quietly productive hour of crunching numbers or figuring out what small moveable parts might be swallowed by your ADD children.

And for crapsakes, get off the damned speakerphone!

=================================================

AFTERWORD

No doubt you have realized by now that this blogger is not in sales and marketing.

I am either in accounting or engineering, my significant other is ALSO in accounting or engineering, and many of our bloodkin are in those fields too. Not only that, but so are several of our friends. Those that aren't, should be. They will be ever so much happier dealing with our own kind.

If you, my dear readers, are unhappy at your jobs, it is probably because of the people in sales and marketing. If you are in sales and marketing yourselves, however, you are incapable of being unhappy - you have no head for details.

Feel free to demonstrate your defects in a comment on this post.

KIND THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ULTRA LEFT

Stalin killed tens of millions. His successors were no better.
Mao Tse-Tung was responsible for more deaths than anyone else in history, and subsequent powerholders in the PRC have not been that much more humane.
Fidel Castro and Ernesto Guevara were responsible for the murder of tens of thousands.
Josif Broz Tito was an vicious thug. Ceauçescu was a psychopath. Erich Honecker passionately enjoyed killing animals, and ordered his border guards to shoot people trying to escape to the west.

All revolutionary regimes have imprisoned hundreds of thousands of their own citizens for political purposes, usually in utterly brutal conditions.

European Communists unwaveringly supported violent terror in the third world, most significantly in Cambodia. Though they have since then rebranded themselves as "socialists", they still applaud the excesses of Stalin, Mao, and PolPot.

[It is instructive, for instance, to research the antecedents of the Dutch 'Socialistische Partij' (SP) - important leaders of this party were for years affiliated with the Maoist fringe, and to this day continue lauding murderous revolutionary movements. The key search-term is "Kommunistiese Eenheid Nederland - Marxisten Leninisten" (Ken-ML). The Chinese government provided covert logistical and financial support to the pro-Peking propagandists in the Netherlands and other European countries throughout the sixties and seventies, as has been revealed by news articles and government reports over the past decade and a half. Yet these mercenary traitors to their own people are still allowed a political role in Western Europe; many serve in the parliaments and government departments - the official national news organizations are almost uniformly sodden with their kind. In whatever function one now finds them, they unabashedly provide aid and support to terrorist movements in Asia, Africa, and Latin America.]


Here in the US the far left slavishly ape the Europeans in their continued support for the Venezuelan brute, the ambulatory corpse in Cuba, the petulant sexagenarian in North Korea, and the madman Mugabe.
As well as the murderers and cutthroats of Hezbollah and Hamas.


Given the monumental human suffering that the far left have been responsible for since 1917, in a perfect world every one of those people would be lined up and shot.


------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This little rant is actually in praise of the internet in general, and social-networking sites in particular. It may not look like it, but it is.

THE REAL DEAL

Recently I found out that one of my English readers, who lives in Germany, relies on the Dutch for his black tea. What he drinks is Pickwick Thee ('Pickwick tea') from Douwe Egberts.
Douwe Egberts, a Dutch merchant house founded in 1752, was acquired by Sarah Lee in 1989.
Sarah Lee also holds a 30% stake in Delta Galil, Israel’s largest textiles manufacturer - among other things they make products for Playtex and Victoria’s Secret.

Which means that if you sip your cup of Pickwick tea while wearing nothing but a bra and panties, you are supporting the Great International Zionist Conspiracy. Yay!

I recommend that we all do that. It's for a noble cause.


One of the other teas he drinks is 頂級湞紅. It is Chinese.
Deng kap tsan hong ('ding ji zhen hung') = Top-notch Chan river red, a black tea from Canton.
Which he says is green in the cup.

Did I mention that he is English?

None of the tea he drinks is.

Or so it seems.

Somewhat related thereto, I should probably explain how I came to live so close to Chinatown when I moved back to the States from Holland many years ago.
It's all about the food.
Dutch food.
Which, as everyone knows, is available all over Chinatown.

Perhaps it would be better to say that products with Dutch terms on the labels are available in Chinatown. Products with which I was extremely familiar while I still lived in the Netherlands.
Sambal. Kroepoek. Trassi. Ketjap manis. Petis. Blatjan. Ebi. Santan (in cans). Oester saus.

[Chili paste. Shrimp chips. Fish paste. Sweet soy sauce. Fish sauce. Fish ferment. Dry shrimp. Tins of coconut milk. Oyster sauce.]

Yep, you really can't get more Dutch than that. Unless its djintan, ketoembar, koenjit, kemirie, lengkoewas, serai, tjabai.

[Cumin seed, coriander seed, turmeric, candlenuts, red dwarf ginger, lemon grass, chilipepper (capsicum spp.).]

Typically Netherlandish chow: Soto oedang, nasi oedoek, ajam taliwang, and sambal goreng boentjies. Plus fresh atjar and blanched veggies with a spicy dip. And loempia.
The ingredients are just not available at your corner grocery.

[Large prawns in a soup with tamarind (asem) and various greens plus rice-stick noodles, rice cooked in coconut milk (santen) with spices and lemon grass (serai), Lombok-style chicken with a spicy sauce made from shrimp paste chili garlic palm sugar and kentjoer root, and stir-fried string beans with chilipaste and shrimp sauce. Atjar means pickle, loempia are crispy eggrolls.]

It was culinary anomie. I just needed to eat.

Even today, one of my favourite meals still is a big scoop of rice with a fried egg, some cooked mystery meat or steamed fish, and a hefty dollop of chilipaste. Add blanched greens and something crispy on the side, and you have got yourself a feast.


And after eating well, it is a pleasure to settle back and light up a pipe ... filled with English tobacco. Something nice and zesty, like SQUADRON LEADER from Samuel Gawith (Kendal, Cumbria, England). That being a medium Oriental mixture composed of fine Turkish leaf, augmented by Cyprian Latakia and Virginia (from Malawi and Mozambique, mostly).

This is the authentic life! It's just grand.


And perhaps it's also time for tea .......


===================================================

NOTE:

The Dutch words above are actually Indonesian. Which you probably already realized.
In modern Indonesian some are no longer spelled that way.
Sambal. Krupuk. Trasi. Kecap manis. Petis. Belacan. Ebi. Santan.
蠔油 (ho yau)
Jintan, ketumbar, kunyit, kemiri, lengkuas, serai, cabai.
Soto udang, nasi uduk, ayam taliwang, and sambal goreng buncis. Acar. Lumpia.

ENNERDALE FLAKE

Long ago there used to be colognes and hair tonics for men that had slightly odd scents. You would go into a barbershop where some ancient hair cutter worked, and there would be the row of dusty brown glass bottles with names like Johnson's Skin Restorative, Old Ole's Head Rub, or Shine Revival For Gentlemen.
Usually they ponged of leather, mint, and gun oil .... with a top dressing of gardenias or lilac.


Sometimes you still run across such products in out-of-the-way drugstores. When you do, buy them. By all means, buy them. Nothing keeps your female relations from trying to set you up with women you wouldn't be caught dead dating better than the knowledge that you have frightening potions in your medicine cabinet.
Their reputations as matchmakers do not need any further damage. Having a nephew whose personal aroma is best described as 'undertaker's assistant' will get them permanently delisted by their peers.


Such is the delightful aroma of a tobacco I recently purchased.
Boruch Hashem I am already taken, and all my female relatives know it.


ENNERDALE
Made in England by Gawith Hoggarth & Co Ltd.

Virginias, burley, and sun-cured tobaccos with flavors of almond, vanilla and various fruits.

[Gawith Hoggarth's best selling flake. ]


What on earth possessed me?!? This product almost defies description. Not that it is bad, or unsmokeable, but good lord WHY do the English like pressed flakes with such a heavy dose of Lakeland funk?
In a word, this smells exactly like blue cake.

[Note: Blue cake is the nickname of the disc of cheap deodorizing disinfectant in urinals, especially in the seedier bars. Female readers would probably not know that.
It is strong, so that it can compete with its environment.]


Ennerdale flake smokes cool and clean,with no bite; the underlying tobacco is indeed quite decent.
The perfume that Gawith Hoggarth sprayed on or steamed in, however, is ............ baffling.
No single aromatic element predominates, and apparently both rose oil and licorice qualify as "various fruits" in the nomenclature of the esteemed firm. This is a very traditional soapy type of Virginia compound, much like the darkly rancid pressed crapleaf favoured by frequenters of corner news-stands or neighborhood whorehouses. One can imagine a juvenile runaway dousing herself with this before she goes out to waggle a thigh at drunken businessmen.
It is very very English.

[It is most emphatically NOT suitable as a tobacco for any young ladies among my readers - your parents would suspect you of depravity and turpitude if they smelled this upon you. And rightly so. Please smoke a nice clean flake instead.]


Both as far as tobacco and added aroma it is in the same category as Condor. But not as strong. It is vaguely reminiscent of certain Dutch products - Sail Regular comes to mind, though there is less air-cured leaf and far more badly bathed old barmaid.
There is naught to recommend it. Gadzooks.



ABASH ME WITH A SPOON!

That said, I shall definitely finish the tin. And request that the tobacconist order more of it.
It has a certain beguiling, not to say 'addictive' quality.
Though smoking this proves me an pervert, I find Ennerdale flake exceedingly amusing.

I should be careful not to smoke this odoriferous bastard on weekends, as Savage Kitten might look at me askance.
Besides wondering at my sanity and whether I'm seeing some skank on the sly.
Under no circumstances do I dare light this up at the Occidental.


TOBACCO INDEX

CHAMPAGNE

On new-years’ eve Savage Kitten fell asleep early. She usually does so – she’s not given to wild abandon. New years’ eve is our anniversary, and for most of the past twenty years she has been in dreamland by ten o’clock. Which means that on our anniversary I usually sneak out in time to hear Auld Lang Syne and have a couple of drinks.

By a stroke of amazing good luck I found a seat at my customary end of the bar.

Right next to D-Bob.

Dot-dot-dot


D-Bob is famous for two things: owning a dog that farts and being a conversational nightmare.

If I were to describe him as a walking disaster zone in whose presence all attempts at discussion shall collapse and shatter, go down in flames, die screaming, come a cropper, and even a Bermuda Triangle of discourse which will cause your social life and fellow-humanity to disappear, sink from sight, and be ingloriously forgotten, I could not possibly be accused of exaggeration.
He is indeed all that.
He is, furthermore, nearly unintelligible due to a casualness about enunciating properly.

Everything he says sounds like mumble mumble growl blurk.


I rather like D-Bob. Which is why I shall not tell you what the ‘D’ stands for.


He was already on his third or fourth Manhattan by the time I sat down next to him. The noise level in the bar was barely under jet-engine roar. D-Bob speaks in an unintelligible basso-profundo rumble. I am partially deaf.
A wiser man would have had second thoughts.
Mumble mumble growl blurk.


PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE ENTERING BAR


I had barely had my first sip before D-Bob started – "the singing is terrible".
I pretended I did not hear. It had sounded like "merging gooey hormone", which made NO sense, and for which the explanatory backstory might defy belief. In addition to mostly being mumble mumble growl blurk.
I decided that I really didn’t want to know.
So he repeated it. Several more times. Mumble mumble growl blurk.
I finally comprehended.

"The gurzazing giz ..... zzz ..... turrurrabrrrrrrrrrr!"

As a conversational gambit it was not stellar.
If he expected me to do anything about it, he was disappointed.
I will not sing. I do not go there for the music.

Several more times he made observations.
None of them were particularly worth noting, no discussion was necessary (or even possible), his comments were entirely apropos of nothing, and non-sequitorial entirely. Irrespective of my reaction (or lack thereof), he repeated himself several more times until I understood.
Mumble mumble growl blurk.

He punctuated mumble mumble growl blurk by frequently howling incomprehensible encouragement at the singers.
Each time he did so it startled other customers, who would drop their drinks or look in our direction with blanched faces.
They probably expected him to start growing fangs, and hair on his hands.
Mumble mumble growl blurk.

At quarter past eleven he began to make desperate sounds about champagne.
‘There was no champagne in evidence, the cheapskates that ran the bar would probably not provide champagne, he was pissed that there was no champagne, how dare they the bastards why wasn’t there any champagne he wanted champagne there should be champagne!!!’
Mumble mumble growl blurk.

After a long discussion, the agony of which it is impossible to describe, it became clear that he thought it was already twelve o’clock. Time for champagne.
I showed him my watch. Eleven fifteen.
Oh my who'da thunkit.
Mumble mumble growl blurk.

Less than five minutes later he was at it again - he had now convinced himself that my watch was wrong wrong wrong and I was covering for the owners.
The world was intent on cheating him out of free champagne.
Mumble mumble growl blurk.


"Why is there no champagne I want some champagne champagne is traditional these cheap bastards champagne I don’t see no champagne its time for champagne there should be champagne hey where’s the champagne it will soon be too late for champagne I gotta have champagne on new year always champagne every year champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne where is the champagne?"


Mumble mumble growl blurk.

He paused long enough to leave one dreading the next outburst, then reapplied himself to the complaint with greater vigour.
Forty solid minutes of mumble mumble growl blurk champagne blurk mumble champagne champagne growl champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne champagne.

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

At one point I indicated that I did not like champagne, and was therefore entirely uninterested in the issue – apparently this meant that I was a Grinch and a communist.

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

Champagne, dammit, champagne!

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

Then another terrifying yell of encouragement to a singer "yarr Heather zngngng baytchrrrrr yow!"
This made a small blonde girl nearby start weeping and hiccoughing. He had caused her to swallow her entire drink.


"Growzr champagne zurg gargle ztramperz cheapzguts champagne!"


At three minutes to twelve, the bar staff announced that champagne was served and to please go over to where the glasses were lined up to get some.
This sent D-Bob into a fury – the glasses were at the other end of the bar!
"Outrageous! The bastards! I’m seventy, I don’t have to walk! Go get me some champagne! I am NOT going over there, no how, they should bring it to me! Damn them! Why won’t you go get me some – bring TWO glasses, because you aren’t drinking it anyhow, I'll drink yours. Three! Go on, I ain't getting up, champagne, you get it."

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

Once more I elucidated my complete lack of interest in champagne (it gives me a headache).
He responded by explaining at very great length that I was the ogre who destroyed new years, it was utterly unforgiveable, I obviously did not have any friends, did I ever even have sex, hah, and why wasn’t I up there singing, how could I live with myself, the nerve of me denying an old man his free glass of champagne.
I was antisocial, lacked all the proper courtesies, and delighted in ruining everyone else’s celebration. I was the very bloodsucker of happiness.

Dammit, I was just awful. A horrible man.

Mumble mumble growl blurk.


I moved to the other side of the room and enjoyed the rest of the evening by myself.

From a distance, I could hear him going off on someone else.

It turns out that the champagne glasses were too small cheap bastards did you see how tiny those champagne glasses were idiots he had had to drink FOUR of them they should’ve had better more larger nicer bigger champagne he wished he'd had more champagne dry another glass so tiny he was incredibly disappointed sons of bitches there's still champagne over there damned if he would go and get it next year they should put him in charge of champagne.

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

Next year I hope he stays at home with his farting dog.

Mumble mumble growl blurk.

LEARNING DUTCH - JANUARY 18, 2010

My closing post for last week was a selection of cites from comments underneath a newspaper article, chosen to illustrate the colour of the Dutch language and the thought-patterns of the people who speak it.

I had not intended to post a follow-up so soon, but the comments underneath an article in today's edition of De Telegraaf (one of Holland's major dailies) presented such a juicy slice of Dutchness that I could not resist.

So, here are several more phrases in Dutch, with translation and annotation.
It is hoped that this will aid the student in learning the expressive tongue of Brederode and Vondel, and conversing with the people who speak it. Good luck!

[Previously I mentioned the poet Gerbrand Adriaanszn Brederode in some detail here:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2005/10/vicious-dutch-verses-gerbrand.html
Providing there an interlinear paraphrasis of one of his poems.
Joost van den Vondel is mentioned here:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2006/05/konstantijntje.html
I did not translate the cited poem, but gave instead a short descriptus and commentary.]



BILL CLINTON IN HAITI

The article underneath which these comments were posted is here:
http://www.telegraaf.nl/buitenland/5819887/__Bill_Clinton_in_Hati_aangekomen__.html?p=4,1

It is about former president Bill Clinton arriving in Haiti on behalf of the United Nations and president Obama, and as co-founder of a charitable fund to benefit the victims of last week's disaster. It is customary to enlist the aid of prominent people, especially ex-presidents, in worthwhile causes and to raise capital for disaster-relief - Obama drafted both former president Bush and former president Clinton, showing that United States aid to Haiti is a non-partisan issue.



DUTCH SENTENCES, DUTCH THOUGHTS

Here is what the Dutch have to say about Clinton's visit to Haiti.

"Met dit soort ramptoerisme schiet Haiti helemaal niets op. Clinton is daar enkel om de firma Clinton te promoten."
Translation: 'With this kind of disaster-tourism Haiti does not benefit at all. Clinton is there merely to promote the enterprise of Clinton.'

Commentary: There is an entrenched view that America and Americans ONLY do what is profitable, like when we treacherously fought the Germans and Japanese, deviously created the Marshall Plan to enslave Western Europe as a captive market for our second-rate goods, and then, entirely for our own mercantile benefit, prevented the Dutch from rebuilding both their economy and their international status by exploiting the wealth and natives of the Dutch East-Indies after the war.
Many Dutch have never forgiven us for any of that - deservedly so.


"En weer een bobo die in de weg loopt."
Translation: 'And again a baboon who is in the way.'

Commentary: Bobo is a slang-term for baboon ('baviaan' in standard Dutch, but 'bobbejaan' in South-African Dutch).
In South-African Dutch ('Afrikaans') it is a traditional appellation for great men from a different cultural group - Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, and Chief Mangosuthu Buthelezi, to name just three notable examples.
The Dutch are also very familiar with such African leaders as Moamer El Qaddafi of Libya, King Hassan of Morocco, and Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak - but, as those gentlemen are Arabs, a different sobriquet applies: geite-neuker ('goat-afficionado').
The Dutch tend towards a casualness of reference regarding famous people; it is one of their more charming characteristics.

BOBO: CORRECTION JANUARY 19, 2010:
An anonymous commenter provided a link that clarified the derivation of BOBO = 'Bourgeois Bohemian', from French. Applies to on the one hand the sportsworld bosses, on the other hand more commonly to the new ruling classes, whose ideologie and actions are often opposites - voting right and thinking left, or the other way around. Life-style whores. Probably very similar to the ultra-middleclass leftwingers in the Bay Area, CodePink and such.
SOURCE: http://lvb.net/item/3148 via Anonymous at 10:49 PM.


"William Jefferson Rockefeller Clinton is hier om geld op te halen."
Translation: 'William Jefferson Rockefeller Clinton is here to pick up money.'

Commentary: Common among many natives of the Netherlands is a belief that American notables are all somehow related, either by blood or by secret-society affiliation - organizations such as the Freemasons, the Bilderburgers, and the Club of Rome, as well as Skull and Bones, The International Order Of The Friendly Sons Of The Raccoon, and The Rockefeller Foundation, are all thought to be the nearest thing that Americans have to either organizational structure or common ideological background.


"Gauw een stichting in het leven roepen om ook maar zijn zakken te vullen dan houd rockefeller foundation in de schaduw want we weten allemaal dat de totale markt van de wereld van Rockefeller and zijn inmens grote family is ook Bill Clinton, helaas. "
Translation: 'Quickly creating a foundation to also fill his pockets (which) will keep the rockefeller foundation in the shadows we all know that the total market of the world belongs to Rockefeller and his immensely large family also Bill Clinton, alas.'

Commentary: The Dutch are a realistic bunch, due largely to their history of oppression in South-East Asia (Batavia was known as 'the graveyard of the East', because of the large number of Dutch who died there over the centuries) and world-wide apathy about their achievements. This has made them fearful of other peoples, and skeptical of the contributions of high-profile non-Dutch; most particularly the English-speaking world.
By the way, the run-on sentence cited above is a good example of stream of consciousness, quite common conversationally among them (along with its frequent companion, Tourette's Syndrome).


"Ik neem aan dat Uncle Bill zijn reis- en verblijfkosten riant vergoed krijgt.....uit onze bijdrage aan de hulpverlening aldaar!"
Translation: 'I assume that Uncle Bill gets his travel and stay generously recompensed...... from our contributions to the disaster relief there!'

Commentary: Generosity from the sober Dutch towards Haiti disaster relief, as of this writing, already exceeds SIX MILLION Euros (the government has pledged to match the amount).
This munificence obliges them to be overmuch concerned with expenditure.


"Gelukkig Bill is er nu hoeven ze zich daar nergens meer druk over te maken."
Translation: 'Luckily Bill is there now they don't have to worry about anything anymore.'

Commentary: Both this sentence and the following example are splendid examples of the Dutch talent for SARCASM, than which there is no better venue for eloquence.


"Nou, het is zover. De hemel is geopend. De almachtige Clinton is daar. Haiti is gered."
Translation: 'Well, it's finally happened. Heaven has opened up. The almighty Clinton has arrived. Haiti is saved.'

Commentary: This writer has a brevity of expression. That is almost Hemmingway-esque in its complexity. Using short single-concept sentences. Of which there are four.

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NOTES

Enkel = Only. Singular. One of.

In de weg = In the way. Note that 'weg' commonly also means road, as it used to in English.

Geld op te halen = To pick up money. To collect protection or extortion payments.
Geld: money, value. Op: up. Te: to, too. Halen: to haul, to get, to bring, to carry.

In het leven roepen = Calling something into life. To cause something to be, to create a thing.

Onze bijdrage aan de hulpverlening aldaar = Our contribution to providing aid and assistance in that place.
Onze: our. Bijdrage: literally, 'by-carry', 'carry by'. To add, to contribute. Aan: On, to. De: the. Hulpverlening: Help-lending - a similar English expression is 'to lend a hand'. Aldaar: emphatic mode of 'there'.


Note that the definite article 'de' is cognate with English 'the'. The other definite article in Dutch is 'het', cognatic with 'it'. All nouns are either 'de' nouns or 'het' nouns - the simplest rule of thumb about the use of the Dutch definite article is that 'de' is never singular-diminutive, 'het' is never plural. For example: het huis (the house), het huisje (the little house), de huizen (the houses), de huisjes (the little houses).

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AFTERTHOUGHT

I sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading these pieces about the Dutch language as much as I enjoyed writing them. And I wish that, in some small way, this contributes toward a greater understanding of the Netherlands and its fascinating culture.
There will be many more such Dutch linguistics posts - Dutch internet texts are a bottomless pit of inspiration.
Please let me know what you think of both this and the previous piece, and how I can improve the series.
Your comments will be appreciated.

LEARNING DUTCH - JANUARY 15, 2010

Frequent readers will have noted that this blogger occasionally has it up to here with his fellow Dutch speakers. Often this is due to having read the comments underneath articles in Dutch newspapers. Seldom a good idea.

Dutch is a marvelous language, richly evocative, eloquent, and expressive.

It is also quite likely the language spoken in hell, as it is venomously mean-spirited, vitriolic, and vile. If the devil speaks a human tongue, it is undoubtedly Dutch.
Satan probably gets along very well with both Vondel and Brederode, as well as a host of lesser poets. Much of their audience have ended up in his domain over the centuries. Deservedly so.


EVIL TONGUE

Still, I have a lot of affection for the noble Dutch language, and really wish that my readers would learn it.

To that end, I intend to regularly post sample sentences lifted from my daily internet-peruse, with translations and annotations. As time progresses, you will undoubtedly become familiar with Dutch and its speakers, even to the point where you can understand how they think.


BLESSED SPEECH

Today's samples come from the comments underneath an article about a seven year old New Jersey boy whose name occurs on the terrorist watch-list.
[This article: http://www.telegraaf.nl/buitenland/5799147/__Achtjarige_bestempeld_als_terrorist__.html?p=13,2 ]


"En dan ben je trots dat je een amerikaan bent. Wat een raar land."
Translation: And then you are proud that you are an American. What an odd country.

NOTE: Being proud of one's country is something of which Europeans are incapable.


"Wat zijn ze toch weer hysterisch bezig, die domme Amerikanen."
Translation: How hysterically they are at it again, those stupid Americans.

NOTE: Hysterically, in this context does not mean funny, but ridiculous and panicked. The implication of the sentence is that acting like headless chickens is a natural state for us Americans.
Europeans, especially the Dutch, are phlegmatic.


"Dit geeft aan hoe dom, naief en doorgeslagen die Amerikanen zijn."
Translation: This indicates how stupid, ignorant, and exaggeratedly ridiculous those Americans are.

NOTE: From this it is obvious in what regard the writer of the comment holds Americans. The belief that Americans are impossibly stupid and ignorant is fairly common in Europe - many US veterans no doubt remember the sneers of superiority on the faces of the freshly liberated peasants lining the roads from Normandy through France, Belgium, and the Netherlands, into Germany. Europeans today are as aware that they are culturally superior to Americans as once they were certain that Europeans were racially superior to Africans, Asians, and other non-whites.
In the modern age, such racialism is no longer acceptable (even if still very much alive) in Europe, but looking down on Yankees is always fashionable and au courant. Even hip.


"Het land is zo fout als mogelijk, mede door al die gristen radicalen."
Translation: The country is as wrong as possible, in part due to all those Christian radicals.

NOTE: Apparently there are no Christians in the Netherlands anymore. Hence the natural misapprehension that America must be nothing but Christians, nutball fundamentalists at that. All the fine churches in Dutch cities and villages, whose elegant spires frequently mark distant settlements on the horizon, are now merely decorative souvenirs of a forgotten past. Today's sober Dutchman has little truck with faith.


"Die Amerikanen sporen echt niet...."
Translation: Those Americans don't track at all...

NOTE: To track is a Dutch expression indicating that regular norms are in effect - the person described as not tracking is thinking incorrectly, over-reacting, and possibly demented.
It is a commonly held belief in parts of the world that Americans are afflicted with an inability to act like rational people. Americans, in Dutch, do not track.


"Rare jongens die Yanks!"
Translation: Strange fellows those Yanks!

NOTE: Think nothing of it - to the Dutch, all foreigners are strange.


"En als je kinderen zo nodig Donald Duck en Mickey Mouse willen, de enige amerikaanse cultuur, kijk dan TV of ga naar Eurodisney."
Translation: And if your kids absolutely have to have Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse, that being all there is to American culture, just watch teevee or go to Eurodisney.

NOTE: Most Europeans have never read any American literature, as Faulkner, Hemmingway, Flannery O'Connor, Steinbeck, Emily Dickinson, Edith Wharton, and all those others were irrelevant dead white men not worth translating into any civilized languages. Mark Twain, as is well-known, was an escapee from an insane-asylum outside of Dortmund, whereas Gertrude Stein was a unwashed refugee graciously accepted by the French, like Edgar Allan Poe before her.
In point of fact, there is no American literature - Americans have no original thoughts whatsoever.


"Die idioten uit de verenigde staten, americanen noemen is een belediging voor de rest van de bewoners van het continent America. Het land zonder naam, jajajajaja, wat een trieste boel. America is een continent en geen land, americanen zijn ook alle Columbianen, en Chilenen en Brazilianen, Surinamers etc etc. "
Translation: Those idiots from the United States, calling them Americans is an insult to the other inhabitants of the American continent. The country without a name, suuuuuuure, what a pathetic affair. America is a continent, not a country; Americans are also all Columbians, and Chileans, and Brazilians, Surinamers, etc. etc.

NOTE: Technically the writer of these brilliant words IS correct - all inhabitants of the Americas are Americans, just like all inhabitants of Europe are foreigners. And it is very impressive that he can actually name several of the countries on this side of the Atlantic. That's the benefit of a continental education. Most of my fellow Americans cannot even name Canada or Cuba, let alone that long list of places in South-America........
See, we aren't into soccer very much, and in consequence have scant reason to figure out where the people we intend to hate today are from. Nor do we have as much experience colonizing, exploiting, and exterminating as the Europeans.
So our ignorance of the world is quite understandable. Regrettable, but understandable.



Tune in next week for more illustrative examples. This will be a regular series on this blog.
Everybody should learn Dutch.